Supporter 20 Years Of Love Gone In Half An Hour.

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Thanks aura bunny. It means a lot.

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

I don't know what it is I am meant to do. Seems like I am being pushed. Things are so hard as it is. I am lost and don't understand why. It's killing me.

From a womans perspective may I offer my opinion. I am someone who suffered childhood abuse myself, and that abuse was something that just kept going on and on for many years. Sometimes I think I am over it all and that no one can hurt me anymore! But then something happens, something reminds me of the past, or someone from the past comes out of no where and starts asking questions. When this happens I find myself falling back into old routine, the panic mode, the mental state that was both damaging to myself and to everyone around me! Maybe your wife had supressed all of her past issues and when her "old" friends reappeared it brought her back to that place where she was in constant harms way! OUr minds play horrible tricks on us when it comes to PTSD, logical thinking doesn't always happen in our cases. You may have done absolutely nothing, or you may have indirectly dont something, but either way she was triggered into a mental state that is very difficult to handle when you know nothing about it!

All that being said, I can understand your turmoil, I can relate to how you feel because I am currently with someone who has PTSD aswell, but his is a lot less managed than mine so he says hurtful things sometimes and does things I just dont understand. The thing of it is though... if you continue on the road you are on, something horrible will happen! Right now I think some higher power is telling you that its not your time to go and thats why the gun never fired! You aren't a failure but merely a victim of circumstance. Now its time for you to deal with your trauma! Past and presently you are going through something very traumatic, and if you are going to be the kind of father that your kids need then you are going to have to take the bull by the horns and make yourself a more stable man for them and for yourself in the long run! Heartbreak is hard, I know, but it could get way worse! She will come to terms with her issues, so you need to come to terms with yours!

Hugs and Positive thoughts

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Thank you. I will reply more I just want more time do it so I can right more. It takes me ages to right and I still get into trouble.

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Some good news. I've put back on 18kgs in the last month.

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

What I don't understand. She is back talking to her mother. The woman she hated so much because her mother nether believed her and took sides with the boyfriend that was doing those terrible things. She told the police her daughter was lieing. Now my wife has left my daughter in the care of this woman about 6 hours from we're she lives. Left her there while she went back to work. I can't believe it. I dont know what to think or do . My daughter thinks this woman is great. She is the worst person I've met in my life and I met some real low life's. My father being one. I'm sad cause the kids won't have there mum for christmas. Iv got to make it the best I can for them. It's still going to be crap. Friggin PTSD.

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

So sad. I'm doing it very hard. This will be the first Christmas we won't be all together. I just want it over with. Way too many memories. I haven't cried in weeks but I think I'm about too. So hard for me and the kids. They deserve so much more. Merry Christmas everyone. Thank you all for your support. Darren. Hugs to all.

 

[Molly Anne]

Sometimes it's good to just get it out with a good cry...

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

I hate crying.

 

[NIKI]

Hi, Please try to stay strong for yourself and your children.

Alot of times we can do things to stay strong for our children that we can't do for ourselves. After awhile you'll turn around and see that you have been strong...and that you are strong!

(((Hugs)))

 

[Eleanor]

I hate crying.

Me too. Here is what I have learned is true for me. If I cry while the hurt is fresh the tears don't hurt and make my eyes sore. If I "save" it up - they the tears burn, and my eyes ache afterward. Don't know if this is true for everyone. What do they say? "Pain is inevitable in this life, but suffering is optional."

So sorry for all the heartache and tears.:( Crying is strong.

Wishing you and yours peace and healing....

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

What a way for our life to end together. Sad not only for me but for the kids also. They don't understand What has happened. I don't understand it my self. I would of thought 20 years of greatness and three beautiful kids would of be worth saving. Or at least worth a second thought. I'm at the point of giving up. It's been way to much pain.

 

[ihatethewordsmyfriends]

Its Been three weeks with out any contact. Man Christmas was so hard. Trying to make out I was happy when inside my stomach was churning.

I get so mixed up with emotions I miss her, our lives, our love we had for one anther. Then I get so low so I try and think of what she has done. And the person she is now. And I think it's probley never ever going to be the same again so I need to really let go and move on with my life. It's obvious She don't care about me anymore. I don't know what she is doing or what she has done with us being apart. She hasn't thought about me or the kids. I can't think about what she has done or it will consume me I'm sure. I try and block all those thoughts.

I've thought about writing her a letter but I don't think it would be worth the paper it's writing on. Telling her I forgive her and it's ok if she don't forgive me for the things I've said. No one is perfect.

I never wanted to give up on her but she has pushed me a way. She has made it clear she hates me and doesn't ever want anything to do with me again. I still feel though. I would have waited a life time for her the love of my life my soul mate. But she told me there's no use waiting and I don't know how long this will take. Like I said she might not be the same anyway. Don't know what to do.

I havnt even thought about another woman in the 7 months. Maybe it's time I do. Don't know if I could.

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