23yo From Scotland, Still Serving.

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james7119

New Here
Jimmy, thanks for explaining the EMDR thing more clearly than Wikipedia did lol It makes more sense now. I'm up for trying it even if it is a bit hard to face the facts. I'm not alone with all this at work, another lad in my Company is also seeing DCMH for similar issues and he is a bit further back than me in his treatment so everything I'm learning is sorta getting passed on to him as well. I can recognise things in a few lads at work, but a lot of them are single blokes who just deal with it by smashing the booze, which we have all been doing for years anyway so I reckon there will be a lot more cases in the future. My mate from training Aaron took his own life just before Christmas and I had been talking with him on Facebook when I was on my last tour. He had been discharged last year and was really struggling to cope with his feelings, couldn't get a job or a place to live in civvy street and was really hitting the drink quite bad, I assumed his family knew about it all but it turns out from reading the paper that they had no idea the extent of his problems. I do wish I had made the effort to go upto Fife and see him like.At the end of the day he was too proud to ask for the help he needed, Combat Stress had him on a waiting list, but he was waiting too long. It makes me quite angry actually but anyway, if anything his actions have made me a lot more open with lads at work about the situation and 3 of the lads in my platoon have told me about anger management issues and I've told them to see the MO, but being Jocks they just booze it out, but I reckon it could more than just anger issues,we'll see.

Got BJJ tonight, I really don't want to go as I'm shattered but I know that if I force myself, it will cheer me up for a few hours and I'll get a half decent sleep.

Take it easy guys! And thanks again for all the advice and just for bein on here as well!
 

james7119

New Here
Hi all, I hope I find you well as it's been over a year since I was on the site so thought I'd update you all. Loads has happened in the past year. I was deployed to Kenya on full duties as a machine gunner after my OC took a gamble on me and I agreed to deploy to gauge wither it was realistic for me to deploy on my 4th tour next year....long story short I had a great time but did a lot of thinking out there and decided the best thing for myself and my family was to leave the Army, my psychiatrist also agreed that deploying was not the best thing following the murder of my former RSM by the ANP (he did a lot to help me and my family through the low points and I reckon if I deployed I'd merely be waiting for the slightest reason to slot one of them).

I then went on a 6 month bagpipe course, passed with good grades, found it extremely therapeautic, during this time I stopped taking my meds as they were hindering me in remembering the tunes, began regularly attending a Buddhist centre (recommended to me by my CPN),took up zazen daily as well. I had some poetry published in the Household Cavalry Museum in London (go check it out), some of it a bit dark, but it received great feedback from the staff there and the visitors. I am now at a cross roads and am going through the PAP10 process, (admin discharge). I am on an Assault Pioneer course at the moment to get a few more qualifications, and am trying to find out where I stand financially when I am discharged. I have identified a new career path working offshore as a technician and am squaring away my CV. Things with my partner deteroriated massively when I came back from Kenya (she cheated on me) I did leave her, but having looked at the whole situation in context, I am only surprised it didn't happen sooner, and we are back together, and I feel, we are a stronger and happier family than we have ever been. I am still having issues with anger and isolating myself, but the Piping and Zazen seems to be a real therapy with that, I am also writing a lot more as well.

I plan to keep up to date on here more regularly now, I do hope you guys are getting on ok. On a sad note I lost a good friend from New Zealand in December who had shown all the symptoms but had never been diagnosed as PTSD/Adjustment disorder etc. He had been kicked out for failing a CDT and testing positive for Cocaine, had issues from Op Telic and his marriage broke up, losing his kids was something he couldn't handle. He was in a bad place but refused to seek help and was found hanged in his parents garage on Boxing Day. It made 1/4 of the local newspaper.
 

JarHed

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to our slightly??????? dysfunctional family

Hey James

Sorry for the miss quote Angle, I do better here than with my 'real' family. And of course, Welcome to the forums. We do issue paddles with your unit emblazoned on them. Boat assignments are a bit behind, though.

Crazy is as Crazy does. :LOL:

Semper Fi

That should explain alot.

JarHed
 

Jimmy1

MyPTSD Pro
Bagpipes, i should learn. Welcome back mate. Your doing the right thing by your family, just do the right thing for yourself now.
 

Spock

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome James, I just read your new post "The Babaji Wheelbarrow" and it is excellent. Look forward to your sharing more. You have a real talent. Writing is obviously a great therapy as well. We have several orgs here, for example http://veteranswriting.org/ and I'm sure you have some there you can take advantage of. Thanks for sharing your work.
Best Regards!
 

james7119

New Here
Thanks Spock for the excellent feedback. It only comes around when I can't sleep for some reason which is often at the moment (time of year). It is a good therapy I think it's more to do with answering questions that people want answers to but that you avoid speaking about. They can read some of that and leave you alone afterwards because they understand a bit of the gravity of what you're dealing with. I recommend it to anyone suffering PTSD particularly Vets.
 

Sarg

MyPTSD Pro
James, ditto what Spock said, you have talent. Keep at it and get published.

Spock, I meandered around the site you offered and can't understand how you submit stories, i.e. word processing type, ect. Also, it looks like it might tie to Facebook and I'd rather not deal with that. If you'd PM me I'd appreciate it.

Sarg
 

Spock

MyPTSD Pro
James, ditto what Spock said, you have talent. Keep at it and get published.

Spock, I meandered around the site you offered and can't understand how you submit stories, i.e. word processing type, ect. Also, it looks like it might tie to Facebook and I'd rather not deal with that. If you'd PM me I'd appreciate it.

Sarg

http://o-dark-thirty.org/

I'll send you more on PM, No FB required
 
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