wickedhawk
New Here
I don't really know where to start. I've had a rough month, and a rough year, in fact. I started acting like a violent temper-tantrum having two year old when my partner would shut down or fight with me. She hit what I now know as "triggers", but at the time, felt justified in my reactions. I thought SHE was the problem, because I'd never acted this way with anyone else.
I started having flashbacks of my childhood sexual abuse. She was not very supportive at first when I told her about this. Then she started to feel awkward touching me and things just went downhill from there.
The last violent outburst I had was last month and she finally left me. Unfortunately, that's what it took for me to realize that what I was going through, I couldn't fix myself. I had been trying and telling her that I would never be violent again. I meant it! I'd never been violent before! I could kick this! I read books, went to therapy (but wasn't fully revealing the extent of my problems), etc. I got suicidal. And then one day I called my mom and told her everything. NO one tells my mom everything. I had no pride anymore and I needed help.
I have a lot of issues that I have always "compared" to others' issues and downplayed my own saying to myself, "ah, so many people are sexually abused... it's not really THAT big a deal". But it is. And now I am a monster because I let it build up inside me. So that's why I'm here.
Thanks for reading.
I started having flashbacks of my childhood sexual abuse. She was not very supportive at first when I told her about this. Then she started to feel awkward touching me and things just went downhill from there.
The last violent outburst I had was last month and she finally left me. Unfortunately, that's what it took for me to realize that what I was going through, I couldn't fix myself. I had been trying and telling her that I would never be violent again. I meant it! I'd never been violent before! I could kick this! I read books, went to therapy (but wasn't fully revealing the extent of my problems), etc. I got suicidal. And then one day I called my mom and told her everything. NO one tells my mom everything. I had no pride anymore and I needed help.
I have a lot of issues that I have always "compared" to others' issues and downplayed my own saying to myself, "ah, so many people are sexually abused... it's not really THAT big a deal". But it is. And now I am a monster because I let it build up inside me. So that's why I'm here.
Thanks for reading.
