I think she was Alice Roosevelt Longworth, and a PIP, from historical reports. Loved to have met her!
I came over here this morning because it's my thread so thought to unoad, plus have a decent amount of Imitrex tooling around my system. This will be long so if anyone started this, please feel free to allow your eyes to glaze over now and click over to something less long winded and much less sad.
Yesterday I was numb. Hadn't had that occur for a good long while so it snuck up on me- that over load which turns you into something breathing but not much else.My sister has power of attorney for my parents. She's the 'responsible one', you see. She and her buttoned down husband were suppsoedly in the middle of revovating my parent's huge house so that they could live there also and my parents would not have to move into assisted living-have their last bit of time on the planet in their home. Huge house so easily done.They predictably did it expensively and slightly rughtlessly for my mother's sacred old family items. Not necessary really that part- it's a dam 7 bedroom house, plenty of room for whatever bits one wishes to squirrel away. My private conviction is a. My brother in law is one of those men who needs to go pee on every corner of everything to prove he owns it and b. He is also one of those people who needs to dismantle that which threatens his ego, as my family has always done in my opinion.That's been his 'thing', not ours-my last ex suffered from it also. If you do not like old, dusty New Englandy type families then don't marry into them. At any rate, my incredibly ill parents have thought all was well and have been attempting to go about the process of dying as gracefully as possible. Ok, Mom has-Dad is more or less a pain in the ass but he's always been that. At the age of 80 and with terminal issues he's not going to change. The 3rd sister has ceased speaking to both, due to her conviction that my even more seriously ill mother 'should' stand up to her over bearing husband who tends to push her around. OH- ok. Let's get them in counseling and fix a 50 year old marraige NOW. Meanwhile I've watched them figure out my parents finances, keeping things close to the vest, what could be left if they convieniently die as soon as possible. I hear that a LOT- how kind it would be if they died soon. B*llsh*t. Kind. Lucrative, is what it would be.
It transpires now the great gamble isn't going to be worth it. My brother in law, who likes to come across as pragmatic but is in reality merely ruthless hasn't ever really moved into this expensively renovated home.if people are not behaving as he needs them to, or falling over dead at the correct rate so he can inherit an entire home then he's not playing and will leave the work to his wife. He told my husband gosh, he just knew my father was in so much pain he knew he secretly wished someone would take him out back and shoot him. I guess old people have some obligation to die and get the hell outa the way is what it really it. I keep hearing how 'depressed' my mother is, how my sister says she knows my mother would secretly wish she could just go to sleep and now wake up. Ok, what, because she told you this?
We'll take them-have told them this. A move will in fact kill Mom who has 10 percent cardiac output. My sister has decided NOW the house must be sold and they must go to a home-Dad is too difficult and she can't do it anymore.Dad is difficult. But. If her pompous ass of a husband would help the work could be shared, if my other sister would stop sulking she could share the load also, if the money could stop being counted everyone could clearly see human lives throught the dollar signs and stop wishing people dead. I can't get a hold of Mom- she won't answer the phone nor return emails. She knows she's welcome here but am pretty sure she knows this is it for her-any move anywhere will kill her besides the crushing knowledge that her children would DO this to them. I'll go up there tomorrow, when I know I'll be unimpeded by any big fat ears-see what I can get out of them.
These people are owed much. It would take hours and hours to write what these 2 parents have done for 3 daughters in the various crisis which have arisin in life. They have put their lives on hold and quite literally ridden to the rescue more time than I could count for all 3 of us. The sister making the decision to stick them in a home now? At one point was kicked out of her house by an abusive husband with FOUR children, one a newborn, in and old, broken down car. My parents took her in, got her a car, lawyers, investigators- a dam HOUSE, doctors. The other sister? Can't even get into it- there's a 20 year history THERE of bailing her out of irresponsible finanacial behaviour to the point of driving 100 miles in the middle of winter to have heating oil put in her home, and giving her a car the same day, taking her for groceries. The dysfunction stems from having been TOO sheltered and taken care of, not neglect.There's parental 'fault' here, but it's the fault of kindness, despite the bitching I'm hearing at the moment alllll about how dreadful my father was while we were growing up. Nonsense. We grew up dragged through mountains and streams almost daily, showed history in our back yards, exposed to people, life, cultures and culture deliberately and thoroughly, educated and encouraged. Yes, Dad was autocratic, pretty egocentric sometimes- but loved his girls, to be sure. He's now a big pain in the neck-difficult and wearing, self absorbed, getting a little mean sometimes. It does not negate his value as our re-write his worth in our history. Mom? A relic of Old New England family, old main-line Philly-such dignity now being told she ha no dignity or worth whatsoever.
I'm triggered into this non-stop migraine at the moment, but the horror and disbelief is huger than that. The nervous system is in tatters, that's all. The PTSD doesn't even know how to navigate this mess, or begin to process anything properly. yesterday things went numb despite my best efforts not to-there were things to accomplish but it shut me down regardless.Today just not processing beyond tying my shoes. There's a dam wedding in all this, too. My niece is getting married in May-there's a shower invitation and wedding invitation getting dusty here on the side table. I'm expected to go have joy- forget my parents and pretend I'm on board with this ruthless crap of oh well, this is life.Let's get dressed up and have fun. I don't want to go, and neither does my husband.
I'm not going to have much family left after this. You hear a good deal of nonsense talked about 'family is family no matter what' but it isn't true. When my parents do pass away, I do not wish to have much to do with any of these people. I don't like them.
