5 4 3 2 1 Meltdown!

[tillybee]

So this morning I was fine. Now having realised that one day I will have to put on my armour and do battle with the vile thing that is PTSD, I am having complete meltdown.

Panic attacks on on the scene at the moment hence I'm trying to write to you for help & welcomed distraction.

I just don't think I'm ready to tackle this head on. Do you know when your ready? How? What tools/skills do you think most useful to possess when making that leap? Thank you in advance.

 

[nomedic1]

The people on here will help you fight that battle

 

[tillybee]

Hope so because my tool box is empty so far. Eighteen month's in and I'm still not got past the starting line! I don't know what I've done in my 'moment of madness', but I've hurt my toe!! I know you're thinking 'Idiot' lol .

 

[digger]

I just don't think I'm ready to tackle this head on

What does tackling this head on mean for you?

Small steps can get you just as far as a leap in time and there is less risk of falling. Do you have a therapist?

 

[tillybee]

Its a big step to accept it, just the diagnosis. I guess I'm struggling with adjusting to living with PTSD. And honestly, I'm angry at the people that treat me badly and put me here. Yet they seem to glide smoothly through life. I need a better Therapist I think

 

[Loner]

It doesn't have to be head on. Think of it more as a gradual thing. Just make a habit out of choosing to confront and deal with it, tiny bit by tiny bit. I can't really be more specific without knowing the nature of your trauma and resulting fear and anxiety but for me, which a history of childhood abuse and some very strange parents, I developed a lot of social anxiety and a near complete inability to connect with other people. I dealt with that aspect of my PTSD by making a habit out of doing things that push me a bit out of my comfort zone, and it got easier over time. This forum is a good resource. Welcome.

 

[tillybee]

Thank you Loner. Child abuse is my background also. Bottled away for 21 years whilst I tried my best to remain as 'part of the family'. To me PTSD is the culimination of years and years of hurt, sadness, fear, confusion, frustration & disbelief - as you rightly say piece by piece, bit by bit - I know you're right it's doing it. Actually doing it and having the courage to start. I know I've recieved valuable advice today and hope that will continue. The support means a great deal and is much appreciated.

 

[GuiltyGhost]

No one deserves to live in pain and I hear yours. I started to believe neuroplasticity, our own ability to shape how our brains react can be a great ally. You mention tools and I find Peter A. Levine and his "Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences" one of the best tools to start understanding, and changing, our own inner processes.

Good luck!!

 

[tillybee]

Wow that's really helpful! I read alot as it's my escapism. I will deffinately give this one a whirl it sounds like a book for the stage I'm at - thank you

 

[GuiltyGhost]

I work on the Guilt and Forgiveness project as I type, currently editing a clip of a brilliant psychologist talking about guilt feelings, but I never knew I myself suffer from PTSD as well. You know, being a big, brave man, blah blah, who had spent some time in a war, had had a crazy life, how could I can have it? Alas, upon reflection one may ask why I used to drink that much earlier in my life, so a voila! moment arrived.

Levine and many others, like Marion Woodman ("Dancing in the Flames" is mesmerizing), start opening my eyes to the enormous amount of suffering that goes under the surface - you look at someone and have no clue what they are going through... - and I believe learning about our brain / emotions / feelings is akin, albeit much more complex, to learning how our muscles work, should we wish to, say, increase a size of our biceps. Coping with issues is easier once we understand them better.

The system does not let me post a link, but the full movie about Marion Woodman is on cultureunplugged site so a google search for it and her name will take you there. It is wonderful. Levine may be more helpful on a practical level though...

Good luck!!

 

[tillybee]

Thanks for that. Inam fortunate to be finding this forum and all your knowledge at diagnosis stage. I will take all your suggestions and use them as they can only benefit my recovery.

 

[Nebulustrix]

It is a little difficult for me to relate to a sudden onset of PTSD years after the experienced trauma... I imagine though that facing it would still be at least in some ways similar to my own experience, so I share some of that here for you-

My PTSD stems from a life-threatening abusive relationship. I was experiencing one trauma after another with my now-ex until I hit a breaking point. My emotional control was completely shot. I was living in fear and terror, reacting defensively to even a slightly raised voice. I was hyper-vigilant, felt like I was walking on egg shells trying to avoid a possible outburst, and then hit another "breaking" point where I realized the only way I and my baby were going to remain alive would be if I fled that relationship.

I was such a mess, I couldn't break my state of constant fear. I immediately sought out therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD. All I could do was face it "head on", because I was falling apart just trying to make it through each day. I dedicated every thought and moment and effort to trying to get myself "healthy" again, because I couldn't stand the tension, the fear, the terror... If I'd tried to live that way without seeking help I probably would have wound up giving myself a heart-attack.

It must be particularly frightening to have all those PTSD symptoms suddenly hit, seemingly out of nowhere, years after your trauma, but I assure you that you are capable of facing it and overcoming the fears now trying to take over. I still have struggles with my own PTSD, but those struggles are nothing compared to that constant state of terror that had me desperately seeking help. I encourage you to face it "head on". It will be hard work, and you'll have to push yourself to face your fears, but it can be done.