5 Things I'm Thinking Today

[trying2movefwd]

I now know why my Grandmother loved the movies Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 1 and 2.
I am sad and that's a thought and a feeling
When I am sad I push back tears, try not to breath, and my body feels tense.
I love my children very much
I wish I could take a nap.

 

[corvidae]

@Ronin pegging abuse that happened thinking Abuser A either did it all, masterminded it all and controlled Abuser B during the abuse when what may have happened was Abuser B has been in control this entire time and Abuser A is as d*mn dissociative as i am. that's...a big reveal.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Dear @corvidae , what you went through :( & need now recover from is still the core, no matter whom. I'm so sorry. :( :hug: :hug: :hug: Ps, I am a double m. :hug:
2. I like the name @Ronin . :hug:
3. Well surely amazing to experience how much can be felt & what other thoughts & emotions when the fear & hypervigilance dials back. :) Not absent just deeply overshadowed.
4. What feels like 'less thoughts' are the absence of more fear, worry .
5. I'm aware of things, details even I don't want to notice, just 'in case' I need them for safety, I suppose. Hypervigilance is exhausting. I think that was necessary for survival.
6. Reassurance or info that reduces a fear in advance is a gift. Especially when I wouldn't think of it. :notworthy: I suppose that's an accomodation, but understanding too. Am thankful.
7. It's nice to feel understood, relief.
8..Sweet dreams to all, xox. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

#6. ^ is called Prevention. :) :notworthy: -> :sleep: .

 

[Ronin]

Abuser A is as d*mn dissociative as i am. that's...a big reveal.

Following, but that does not absolve that abuser from responsibility. By the same token dissociative murderers would get out of it for being dissociative. It doesn't work that way. Crimes don't work that way.

While how this fact changes how much, and what, is worth forgiving, or looking at in a different light, it still does not change they are an abuser, who should have never hurt you in the first place, and gotten therapy for their issues first and foremost, before interacting with people.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. A little robin followed me around part of yesterday at home, not flying walking (running).
2. Found a stuffed green leopard shark.
3. Still hearts all over: hair conditioner blob I dropped, rock on ground, food droplet on my clothes.
4. Simple thoughts!
5. Bad headache.

 

[corvidae]

1: @Junebug thanks. i really like reading your thoughts. double mm's! yay!
2: @Ronin re: dissociation is no get-out-of-jail-free card. right. it's still helpful to know who's the puppet/who's the puppeteer for boundary reinforcement if/when forced interaction occurs.
3: coffee
4: should i chance more coffee?
5: research

 

[Ronin]

1. @corvidae :) Yep, and kudos on figuring out something so big. I mostly meant my statement as a standing by you one, that both those abusers are wrong simply because they have wronged *you*, even as acknowledging different shades & flavors of wrong would make them different.
2. Thinking of you @Junebug, and many kind things you said. Thank you for them and for being you.
3. Course: Still quitting. & Rest comes first.
4. Meds.
5. Stuff to sell & donate. Headdesks for later.

 

[Tinyflame]

1. Oye Union elections tonight, I forgot. :(Hope it goes ok my sister & I have to run for 1 thing each. Other than that I think I will bring a burger & fires & sit back & watch the fireworks. Although at present I'm sick to my stomach. And have to go to work.
2. When I see @corvidae I think Heart= corazon in Spanish.
3. Just saw @Ronin 's, love you & many prayers from me, Including during Union meeting! :) (And always when I see the sun/ moon. :) :inlove: :hug: )

 

[corvidae]

aww...many thanks for support and solidarity @Ronin @Junebug

 

[Silver.]

Feeling like I am getting the brush off, why bother
wrist has given out, glad to have my brace
in a lot of pain today
if only I can stop crying I will look normal
except for this embarrassing weight gain :/

 

[corvidae]

liking for support @Silver.