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1. I accomplished the impossible- impossible because of me- made it to the closest I have to therapy- church, despite not feeling 'worth it', not sure where I was going, trigger of 2 places, screaming horrendous night terrors last night (thank God I was alone), worried about a work situation today and went over much paperwork on the way, and construction detours. And also self-sabotage because I didn't look up busses or such til a.m. to know if even possible, couldn't bring myself to do it.
2. Was thinking waiting in construction and where I am triggered (a location) this is a Big Mistake.. :( .., & I looked down at my feet thought it was a leaf and it was a little bird sitting there! -It looked up at me and stayed then flew away as bus came right away. I think without it I couldn't have taken it (the bus).
3. Strange thing is, beautiful beautiful place, and love there's people of almost every colour- big and easy to hide in, even balcony I think maybe?, had ('my') Saints statues that I 'say them' to- one for hopeless causes, one for a good confession, one that always shows up with roses and is 'little', one for the Irish, and one I promised not to kill myself to (albeit need the help not to). Also had green knee pews :) (see above ;) ), and lights in the ceiling I remember elsewhere as a child, though slightly different. It was nice to remember , or feel, a 'good' feeling from childhood, of all times.
3. It took shorter than I thought to travel. Saw a bus with paramedics going in it. Then later I got lost, saw the same- another bus wth paramedics in it. On friday my sister was buying tomatoes and a young girl she was talking to minutes later collapsed and was rushed -I mean rushed++- out. :( I did think it would take much longer if I had to head for eg, to chem if I had to, and I'd have to do it (well if I needed it and agreed because of pressure). So this is all we have- 'now- we do not know.
4. So maybe it's not shameful to afford it to one's self? I see myself as resoponsible for myself but not over the hurdle of why investing in myself is 'right'. 5. And true I think- ptsd is like being stuck in time, not just memories intruding on/ in what is present, but the present feeling very distant/ unreal and the past (and all it's 'goodies' :( !) today's reality..
6. Also as versus denying it's not so, being broken just means (we) have to re-assemble the pieces, I mean that we 'can'/ that's part of the goal to heal.
7. Oh yay! Got slightly lost and came across man needing food- what he was asking for- didn't have much but two giant really good chewy Macadamia nut cookies, which I know when I have had no food still all food tastes better than nothing. So I was glad I could give something. :)
8. I am very lucky! :) :notworthy:
9. I'm sure there's more, such forget atm.
10. Hugs for all :hug: xox
2. Was thinking waiting in construction and where I am triggered (a location) this is a Big Mistake.. :( .., & I looked down at my feet thought it was a leaf and it was a little bird sitting there! -It looked up at me and stayed then flew away as bus came right away. I think without it I couldn't have taken it (the bus).
3. Strange thing is, beautiful beautiful place, and love there's people of almost every colour- big and easy to hide in, even balcony I think maybe?, had ('my') Saints statues that I 'say them' to- one for hopeless causes, one for a good confession, one that always shows up with roses and is 'little', one for the Irish, and one I promised not to kill myself to (albeit need the help not to). Also had green knee pews :) (see above ;) ), and lights in the ceiling I remember elsewhere as a child, though slightly different. It was nice to remember , or feel, a 'good' feeling from childhood, of all times.
3. It took shorter than I thought to travel. Saw a bus with paramedics going in it. Then later I got lost, saw the same- another bus wth paramedics in it. On friday my sister was buying tomatoes and a young girl she was talking to minutes later collapsed and was rushed -I mean rushed++- out. :( I did think it would take much longer if I had to head for eg, to chem if I had to, and I'd have to do it (well if I needed it and agreed because of pressure). So this is all we have- 'now- we do not know.
4. So maybe it's not shameful to afford it to one's self? I see myself as resoponsible for myself but not over the hurdle of why investing in myself is 'right'. 5. And true I think- ptsd is like being stuck in time, not just memories intruding on/ in what is present, but the present feeling very distant/ unreal and the past (and all it's 'goodies' :( !) today's reality..
6. Also as versus denying it's not so, being broken just means (we) have to re-assemble the pieces, I mean that we 'can'/ that's part of the goal to heal.
7. Oh yay! Got slightly lost and came across man needing food- what he was asking for- didn't have much but two giant really good chewy Macadamia nut cookies, which I know when I have had no food still all food tastes better than nothing. So I was glad I could give something. :)
8. I am very lucky! :) :notworthy:
9. I'm sure there's more, such forget atm.
10. Hugs for all :hug: xox
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Ironlady
Platinum Member
1. So glad I feel better this week.
2. Not feeling needy means I'm growing. That's a good thing.
3. It feels good to just breathe.
4. When in doubt create.
5. Keep going...
2. Not feeling needy means I'm growing. That's a good thing.
3. It feels good to just breathe.
4. When in doubt create.
5. Keep going...
- Post starter
- #3,893
D
Deleted member 12723
Thank you so much!:happy::hug:
- Post starter
- #3,894
D
Deleted member 12723
@Junebug :happy::hug:
Feeling better today:happy:
Being creative is fun, I want to see how many times in a day that I can be creative.:x3:
Did some gardening for a little while and plan to do a little each day.:lurking::lurking::lurking:
Learning some aha things about myself that I need to explore and practice:speechless::speechless::speechless:
Going to have a good meal tonight.:shy::shy::shy:
Feeling better today:happy:
Being creative is fun, I want to see how many times in a day that I can be creative.:x3:
Did some gardening for a little while and plan to do a little each day.:lurking::lurking::lurking:
Learning some aha things about myself that I need to explore and practice:speechless::speechless::speechless:
Going to have a good meal tonight.:shy::shy::shy:
Justmehere
Sponsor
1.) yay, headed to the pool!
2.) boo, lightining. No lap swimming for now.
3,) ice cream with friends makes everything better
4.) ok, seriously, hail? It is hailing again?
5.) now it's sunny again. All within an hour. Welcome to summer.
2.) boo, lightining. No lap swimming for now.
3,) ice cream with friends makes everything better
4.) ok, seriously, hail? It is hailing again?
5.) now it's sunny again. All within an hour. Welcome to summer.
Chiqui
Platinum Member
Well...if I die today, it is not a big deal. Nobody will miss you.
The previous thought makes me cry
Why I value my life so «nothing»
I just avoided a coffee chat because I don't want to talk about how miserable my life is
Woufff
The previous thought makes me cry
Why I value my life so «nothing»
I just avoided a coffee chat because I don't want to talk about how miserable my life is
Woufff
- Post starter
- #3,897
D
Deleted member 12723
@MariaY I would miss you, :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
- Damn if supplements taken on schedule don't actually help my energy level and outlook.
- 3 hours of sleep isn't a lot but seems to be enough so far.
- Think I'll photograph a road race tomorrow morning. Gotta be out there by 6:15.
- Having clean counters in the kitchen makes it easier to go in. Next is to clean the floors in there.
- Five hours left of being here in the cement brick prison of an office. Then therapy. So thankful for the short day.
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