5 Things I'm Thinking Today

[Friday]

The crazy assed things we did, young and in pain
Not regretting them, once having made good
Regretting their loss, old & in pain
I generally need someone to look me straight in the eyes and slap me hard across the face when I start looking back, like that. >.<
Living a life of no regrets >>> a life of nothing but regrets. Needs a full stop.

Six. Vent.

I am picking up a collection of smelling like things I do not like. Earlier it was wet cow. Now it’s wet feathers. Overlaid across it all is the horrible metal tang of either fear, vomit, or both... melded with the absolutely delightful musty smell of disuse and long decay that’s probably mostly due to mold, and partly due to things we shall not think about. It could clearly be worse. There could be fresh decay, or wet dog, or potpourri. But under the circumstances I am just more than a little bit irked.

Smells I like include spice and cedar and jasmine; whisky, clean leather, sunshine, and snow; sandalwood, horses, fresh hay, clean water, soap, sex, sunscreen, lemon magnolias, lemon grass, clove spiked oranges, hot chocolate, bourbon vanilla, cinnamon... hell... sometimes even tarmac & jet fuel. I would rather smell of any of those.... but nooooooooo.

It could be worse. There are at least 3 levels of worse it could be and isn’t. So I should stop bitching. But I’m not going to. >.<

 

[intothelight]

1. Thinking about the scale and the balance. Have I done enough good to offset some of the bad? Does one person make any difference?
2. Love is such a strange thing and it is the most desired yet the scariest of feelings. To feel that you are not loved, seek love and yet be afraid to receive it makes for one screwed up and confusing existence.
3. What's after this? Just rotting away and in a few generations forgotten? Is there any purpose or meaning other than what we assign or the world assigns to us? What matters?
4. Is everything just random and has no more significance than the spin of a roulette wheel? Is there something more, something bigger that can't be understood in the smallness of our lives?
5. I working so hard to be what we think we should be nothing more than mental masturbation? Are we not enough as we are? Who makes the rules anyways?

 

[mumstheword]

Hoping to get back on my feet earlier rather than later.
Being unwell blows.
Glad I've got my man friend in my life, he really makes life living.
I'm grateful for this life, for feeling love, for valuing love and life.
Grateful for my experiences, even though plenty have hurt me.

 

[Ronin]

1) ... This is gonna be a cupcake day.
2) Forgot those bones, and not just in Latin.
3) Dear weather, f*ck off, and take that stalkerputaparty with you, too. I have about a million pages of research and education I would like to focus on, instead of petty moi, pettier them, not ending in a hospital or jail, and similar joys.
4) ... also rechecking what the hell is appropriate foods for one year olds. So that is four, need to figure something more.
5) The times when pride was hills and suns and cows, and not broken promises, clouds, and the sound of kalashnikovs.
6) (Forgetting reminiscing ronins, cupcakes and education forwards, gawdamnit.)

 

[Mee]

1. I don’t want my Skype therapy session with the less good therapist today

2. I Really hope the plumber turns up soon and it’s an easy fix

3. I sometimes wish I took drugs; something stimulating would really help I think.

4. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Milk? Coffee? Tea? Dunno. But cake. I have no cake. The world should have more cake.

5. I’d rather be a cat

 

[intothelight]

1. Yesterday was good and I made a few people really happy and they enjoyed the evening. How do I regularly incorporate events like these?
2. We are the author of our own story? How do I want to write mine?
3. Trying not to think the worst of someone, but the flags are all there and can't be ignored. Do I trust my instincts and are they sound?
4. Doing things for me is so hard and doing for others is so easy. Why?
5. Steps in the right direction a little at a time.

 

[ladee]

@intothelight , trust your instincts.... I call it my 'knowing'.... and my 'knowing always knows'... trust it and yourself !!

 

[Teasel]

▪Head scrambled need to calm down
▪Not enjoying feeling grumpy / angry so much recently
▪So I'm sorta feeling like saying f*ck it today
▪And I suppose that would be OK
▪Maybe I can half f*ck it half not f*ck it...

 

[Ronin]

1) Happy about baking going well. But I shoulda mixed the eggs better.
2) Actually happy about triggery as hell message. So not doing nothing in these two years of exposure and processing, & Not My City, joys.
3) Home is the sun, the skies, ... and probably Baby Bean.
4) Note to self for later: Not your fault you take people at their word, assuming they think like you.
5) JS homework.

 

[Muttly]

@intothelight trust your instincts. That's one of the things I am finally learning
@Bearlinda I'm not a big fan of anger and have been having more just lately. Should we boyctt?

1) Back to the theme of not being able to differentiate physical and emotional. And this time I do think it makes a difference because it will provide me a path forward
2) One more day and I have health insurance I think. One more day and I can get meds
3) On a related note, I need to sort my eating
4) I know I have chores to do, but what else am I going to do today? (what will help #1)
5) More coffee

 

[MrMoonlight]

-need to take oxy for migraine I think
-finish bedroom to make it more "zen".
-thoughts about family member visit Tue.
-cleaning
-maintaining mental health basics

 

[DharmaGirl]

People don't like when you challenge their cognitive distortions.
Maybe it's my cognitive distortion. Have to check.
I need a shower.
I love to work outside.
Speaking of migraines, I had an aura last night but no migraine.