Sufferer 64-Year-Old Starting Trauma Therapy

Considering

New Here
I am just returning to this page since I have been off my desktop computer for a while. I know I can also use my phone by I am no way near adept at entering data as fast as I would like. I used to be a transcriptionist many, many years ago, so a keyboard is so much quicker for me.
Hi again!
Came back earlier but they were doing a site update. I have to read your post in pieces because of a circumstance w/ my internet today ...so far I have read enough of your reply to know that we have some things in common: turning 65 in August (mine is the 19th), having done transcription, staying up way late at night (morning), and loving to read.

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time recently. Re your glancing remark about the apartment living: I think living situations are of enormous influence to C-PTSD sufferers (for obvious reasons!). I surely have had some major problems in the past with them (for example, living near an apartment building where people would idle their engines for a half hour next to us, and in another more rural situation 4" centipedes in every room of the house).

I will come back to read the rest of your post regarding therapy. Unlike you I've never been to therapy. I tried one appointment when I was 20 and she was the old-school "blank screen" type therapist; I went away feeling awful.
I hope you're having a great evening; we are taking turns on this tablet so I have to close now. 🌹
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
It has taken about 60 years for any mental health professional to properly diagnose me with PTSD, which I also believe should be CPTSD. The trauma that I was first hospitalized for was when I was only 18-years-old. I didn't realize it until more recently that I had experienced mostly verbal and emotional traumas since I was about 5-years-old. At 64-years-old I am only just starting therapy with a trauma informed therapist. I have been seeing him for about one month so far. This is the type of therapy I needed when I first started being treated for any mental illness.
I was originally diagnosed with schizophrenia and OCD. That label stuck with me even after 1980 when PTSD was accepted into the DSM-V. All of the mental health doctors and therapists since 1980 kept treating me for schizoaffective disorder. I knew for a very long time and after reading several books about PTSD that I was grossly misdiagnosed. I first mentioned to my psychiatrists that I felt my symptoms and reactions seemed, to me, to be clearly PTSD related. Of course, every doctor I had denied I qualify for the PTSD criteria. In my opinion I firmly believe that none of the doctors and/or therapists even considered any of the trauma I experienced and related to them mattered. This situation made me angry, and yes, even more traumatized. I also feel I was, and am, much too overmedicated since they gave me the wrong diagnosis over and over again. Now, there is no hope, after all that time, for me to discontinue any one, or more, of the multiple medications I still take regularly.
The clinic where I went for therapy was not conducive to recovery and/or healing. Most of the therapists played mind games with their clients, and certainly me. These mind games were not therapeutic and never tried to be. Instead I still believe that some of them were intentionally abusive. The HIPAA violations were multiple and frequent, both for me and the other clients there. The only reason I stayed with that clinic for so long was, as I was dependent/codependent on my family, it was also my family who insisted I keep my treatment there. It wasn't until 2017 that I cut all ties with that clinic.
I was seeing a new therapist at the new agency but the wait to see their psychiatrist was about three months. I still went to my old clinic for medications. It wasn't until my so-called "friend" disclosed confidential situations and information she and I were experiencing to that doctor that I knew I must cut ties there. Of course, the doctor kept stating to me that there was no HIPAA violation at all. However, I knew both what my "friend" said to me causing me to realize, after speaking to that doctor, that private information was disclosed between them.
The newer therapist was not specifically trained as a trauma informed therapist, although I did make some progress with him. He left that agency to work full-time as a school counselor.
That brings you up-to-date on my more recent issues. I only hope that I could get to my goal of "serenity," simply put, before I die.
 

hyperanxiety

New Here
Hi all. I am typing one letter at a time on my phone tonight so this will be a much shorter update than when I am on my desktop computer and can speedily enter a message.

There was one incident with my upstairs neighbors about three weeks ago. They had a large party one Friday night (started 8 to 9 P.M.) until 2 or 3 A.M. Saturday morning. Someone died upstairs sometime during or right after the party. His death was drug related. I was very, very triggered the entire time this was happening. I was extremely surprised this even occurred because those neighbors have been living almost silently the entire time before the party.

I am now back going from depression to angry outbursts but not quite as many outburst as before. As I don't want to discuss my feelings and trigger reactions about my neighbors at home (so the upstairs neighbors don't overhear me) my therapist made an exception for me to go in person to talk to him in his office, all the while taking preventive covid precautions. I continue to see him in person now. As we never used any sort of computer video/audio connections before, the first in-person appointment had me anxious. I find it easier to express myself to him this way especially because I know I am not just talking to a voice over the phone as I was doing from my first appointment with him.

I am still unable to do much of any actual housework in my apartment, due to depression and/or plain laziness I am not sure. All I want and tend to do most of the time is scroll on my phone or computer or read. I am plainly disgusted with myself.

That is where I am now: lazy, depressed , often anxious with the smallest of my past traumas triggering me everyday.
 

Kittie

Confident
Welcome!

It's never too late to start finding what is helpful for you! There's a lot of helpful information and resources as well as understanding people here.

I've learned a lot since I joined about a week ago. I hope you find what you came for and I wish you the best!
 
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