HëllaBubz
Diamond Member
I haven't been on here in ages. My adorable little girl, 7 months old, takes after me and needs to be either worn or into something constantly.
Forget the baby that sleeps all day, this bundle of bouncy has been holding her head up since the day she arrived, but thank God she isn't crawling yet!
I'm coping fairly well, still off medication but I can feel my grip slipping a little.
I finally had an opportunity to politely but systematically nail my BIL to the wall about all the nasty bullshit that he'd ever said about me, called him out on lies, inconsistencies and down right made him so uncomfortable that he's backed off.
The main topic of the grilling was why his mother thought that my daughter wasn't her son's........main logic being that apparently I'm a whore, the BIL and older BIL were both whores, so why wasn't she questioning whether or not their new partner's had cheated on them? Oh, and why she thought I had lied about having cancer, and why, when nailed to the wall, she kept telling us to ask him about it.....
We've had a few massive fights with the OH's side of the family, an estranged cousin came to stay with us randomly, she set off my PTSD symptoms so badly, and presented so poorly with severe psychosis that after advice from a CAT team and my psychiatrist, I tried to have her forcibly admitted.....we were let down badly by the public health team, and it was a catastrophe.
The OH has cut off his mother as a result of the above incident, the cousin was sent to a women's refuge, from there she disappeared and 2 weeks later all of her belongings turned up at a police station. Needless to say, we thought the worst. OH's mother was contacted for some reason, she contacted OH's older brother, who called us and asked for an explanation.
He got all righteous and mighty when he found out everything that went on and that he wasn't involved and that we blatantly lied about her whereabouts.......family members had caused her psychosis, he had originally refused to let her stay with him, and so palmed the cousin off onto us, so why should he have been told anything.
There was a massive argument that eventually got turned around onto me and how I was a drag and loser and just sucking the life out of my partner, but that occurred because I blatantly told him that we didn't answer to him, we didn't care about his opinion, and the only reason he was being a snotty little bitch was because he liked having his fingers in everyone else's pie and he wasn't involved.
So we called him out on his opinion of me, and said fine, you want to know why I've actually got PTSD..... I sat on the phone for an hour and told the self righteous little f*ck every piece of trauma and shit that had ever happened to me.
Apparently, now that my trauma is bad enough to warrant having PTSD (the unspoken reasoning), what I told him "changes everything."
Anyway, back on track.......OH's mother decided to go telling family members that our daughter wasn't my OH's, that I had impersonated a police officer and caused the whole ruckus with the family member and that the entire situation was of my devising because "it sounded like her".
OH lost his shit like I've never heard before.
OH has stopped seeing prostitutes about a week before the debacle with the cousin happened. As you can imagine, feeling unsafe to that degree really didn't do much for wanting to be intimate. Lots of other small things have been occurring since then that have been bringing my nightmares to the forefront again, where I was having little to none.
As a result, he has been getting snarly, foul mouthed, short tempered, nasty, vindictive, unreliable, unpredictable, defensive, and downright unreasonable.
When you're being treated poorly, you aren't getting a break from the baby, and nearly every request or mishap is met with obscenities or a "f*cking, really, what the f*ck?", and you cannot talk to them about anything......it's making life pretty miserable right now.
It is as though doing anything for me is a massive effort, and he is entitled to have things go the way he wants, or he will start getting angry, frustrated and start swearing.
It's really not something I want our daughter learning, and I am on the verge of laying down an ultimatum. Our daughter is very feisty, knows what she wants and is very bonded to both of us. She is incredibly cheeky and loves to laugh, I adore her, and so far we have been going really well.
Our counselling sessions, on top of my double weekly appointments with my psychiatrist have helped with dealing with marital issues, but it is as though he is not interested in anything I have to say unless I say it in front of someone that might think poorly of him.
I do not nag, no really, I don't!!! He has no time management, does not prioritize things that need doing around the house and feels personally short changed when he cannot work on his chemistry, or things for the 4 chickens I bought for his birthday.
I have tried to find hobbies, outlets, things for him to do, I spent a small fortune on his 30th birthday to take him away, treat him to fine dining, local cuisine, gold for his chemistry projects, and 4 breeder worthy chickens and a chicken mansion for the feathery little buggers.
I am at my wits end, and quite frankly feel as though I'm living with someone who still subconsciously believes they are single. If I do not proactively take a role in working out times to do things, it will not get done, or he will start complaining about how he never gets to do anything he wants.
I find it interesting that when I don't have bubs, and he is caring for her, I am always doing dishes, cleaning, tidying or trying to raise money by selling baby clothing. My only outlet is sewing, but I am begrudged that also.
I am sick with a cold, and he took the day off to take care of bubs for me, but after a sleep the pressure in my sinuses was too bad, so I got up and started measuring out fabric to make a new baby carrier. I am exhausted, close to burning out, and I have been doing nearly all the housework for at least 2-3 months now, with exception of the washing and cat litter.
He decided that it was too hard to do housework with baby on his back, so he was going to do chemistry stuff instead....(I do housework with baby on my back, what's the difference??) So I took bubs, went back to bed and tried to get her to sleep, but she only had a micro nap, and so I went to find him again. He then got frustrated because he wanted to do his chemistry, bubs didn't want to stay in the carrier, and she needed watching whilst in the playpen.
I'm about to burn out, I'm really sick, I last less than half an hour cutting fabric, and he's bitching because he can't do his chemistry?
I'm going to make this relationship work, I know it can work because I've gotten through to him before, but I'm really starting to feel like it's one set of rules for him, and another for me.
If I can take care of a baby, manage my PTSD and do some housework, then I think it's about time he actually tried to make things work, rather than throwing up his hands and being helpless.
Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times where he has been there, and helped me out, but the past month or so things have been going down a slippery slope and I don't feel like I have the energy to dig my heels in right now.
Forget the baby that sleeps all day, this bundle of bouncy has been holding her head up since the day she arrived, but thank God she isn't crawling yet!
I'm coping fairly well, still off medication but I can feel my grip slipping a little.
I finally had an opportunity to politely but systematically nail my BIL to the wall about all the nasty bullshit that he'd ever said about me, called him out on lies, inconsistencies and down right made him so uncomfortable that he's backed off.
The main topic of the grilling was why his mother thought that my daughter wasn't her son's........main logic being that apparently I'm a whore, the BIL and older BIL were both whores, so why wasn't she questioning whether or not their new partner's had cheated on them? Oh, and why she thought I had lied about having cancer, and why, when nailed to the wall, she kept telling us to ask him about it.....
We've had a few massive fights with the OH's side of the family, an estranged cousin came to stay with us randomly, she set off my PTSD symptoms so badly, and presented so poorly with severe psychosis that after advice from a CAT team and my psychiatrist, I tried to have her forcibly admitted.....we were let down badly by the public health team, and it was a catastrophe.
The OH has cut off his mother as a result of the above incident, the cousin was sent to a women's refuge, from there she disappeared and 2 weeks later all of her belongings turned up at a police station. Needless to say, we thought the worst. OH's mother was contacted for some reason, she contacted OH's older brother, who called us and asked for an explanation.
He got all righteous and mighty when he found out everything that went on and that he wasn't involved and that we blatantly lied about her whereabouts.......family members had caused her psychosis, he had originally refused to let her stay with him, and so palmed the cousin off onto us, so why should he have been told anything.
There was a massive argument that eventually got turned around onto me and how I was a drag and loser and just sucking the life out of my partner, but that occurred because I blatantly told him that we didn't answer to him, we didn't care about his opinion, and the only reason he was being a snotty little bitch was because he liked having his fingers in everyone else's pie and he wasn't involved.
So we called him out on his opinion of me, and said fine, you want to know why I've actually got PTSD..... I sat on the phone for an hour and told the self righteous little f*ck every piece of trauma and shit that had ever happened to me.
Apparently, now that my trauma is bad enough to warrant having PTSD (the unspoken reasoning), what I told him "changes everything."
Anyway, back on track.......OH's mother decided to go telling family members that our daughter wasn't my OH's, that I had impersonated a police officer and caused the whole ruckus with the family member and that the entire situation was of my devising because "it sounded like her".
OH lost his shit like I've never heard before.
OH has stopped seeing prostitutes about a week before the debacle with the cousin happened. As you can imagine, feeling unsafe to that degree really didn't do much for wanting to be intimate. Lots of other small things have been occurring since then that have been bringing my nightmares to the forefront again, where I was having little to none.
As a result, he has been getting snarly, foul mouthed, short tempered, nasty, vindictive, unreliable, unpredictable, defensive, and downright unreasonable.
When you're being treated poorly, you aren't getting a break from the baby, and nearly every request or mishap is met with obscenities or a "f*cking, really, what the f*ck?", and you cannot talk to them about anything......it's making life pretty miserable right now.
It is as though doing anything for me is a massive effort, and he is entitled to have things go the way he wants, or he will start getting angry, frustrated and start swearing.
It's really not something I want our daughter learning, and I am on the verge of laying down an ultimatum. Our daughter is very feisty, knows what she wants and is very bonded to both of us. She is incredibly cheeky and loves to laugh, I adore her, and so far we have been going really well.
Our counselling sessions, on top of my double weekly appointments with my psychiatrist have helped with dealing with marital issues, but it is as though he is not interested in anything I have to say unless I say it in front of someone that might think poorly of him.
I do not nag, no really, I don't!!! He has no time management, does not prioritize things that need doing around the house and feels personally short changed when he cannot work on his chemistry, or things for the 4 chickens I bought for his birthday.
I have tried to find hobbies, outlets, things for him to do, I spent a small fortune on his 30th birthday to take him away, treat him to fine dining, local cuisine, gold for his chemistry projects, and 4 breeder worthy chickens and a chicken mansion for the feathery little buggers.
I am at my wits end, and quite frankly feel as though I'm living with someone who still subconsciously believes they are single. If I do not proactively take a role in working out times to do things, it will not get done, or he will start complaining about how he never gets to do anything he wants.
I find it interesting that when I don't have bubs, and he is caring for her, I am always doing dishes, cleaning, tidying or trying to raise money by selling baby clothing. My only outlet is sewing, but I am begrudged that also.
I am sick with a cold, and he took the day off to take care of bubs for me, but after a sleep the pressure in my sinuses was too bad, so I got up and started measuring out fabric to make a new baby carrier. I am exhausted, close to burning out, and I have been doing nearly all the housework for at least 2-3 months now, with exception of the washing and cat litter.
He decided that it was too hard to do housework with baby on his back, so he was going to do chemistry stuff instead....(I do housework with baby on my back, what's the difference??) So I took bubs, went back to bed and tried to get her to sleep, but she only had a micro nap, and so I went to find him again. He then got frustrated because he wanted to do his chemistry, bubs didn't want to stay in the carrier, and she needed watching whilst in the playpen.
I'm about to burn out, I'm really sick, I last less than half an hour cutting fabric, and he's bitching because he can't do his chemistry?
I'm going to make this relationship work, I know it can work because I've gotten through to him before, but I'm really starting to feel like it's one set of rules for him, and another for me.
If I can take care of a baby, manage my PTSD and do some housework, then I think it's about time he actually tried to make things work, rather than throwing up his hands and being helpless.
Don't get me wrong, there have been plenty of times where he has been there, and helped me out, but the past month or so things have been going down a slippery slope and I don't feel like I have the energy to dig my heels in right now.
