caliber2010
New Here
This is my first time posting and I don't really know what to expect but I thought it would be worth a shot. I'm going to start from the beginning and try to be as thorough as possible. I apologize in advance, this will be very long. Seriously, very long. Almost 2 years worth of details.
In September of 2012, I met a man through mutual friends at a party. We lived in a very small town so I had seen him around before but we had never spoken to each until that night. I had always found him very attractive but I never imagined our paths would cross the way they did. The night lead to conversation and getting to know each other. Alcohol was involved...he ended up kissing me somewhere along the way and it was all down hill from there. We made out like teenagers the rest of the night and ended up falling asleep together (we did not have sex). The next morning he took me home, without exchanging numbers. I eventually got his number from a friend and sent him a text to give him mine. We ended up dating. He treated me like I was the most interesting and incredible woman he had ever met. I remember him saying how he couldn't wrap his head around why I was single in the first place. I thought the same of him. We clicked on amazing levels and always had this natural connection. Any bad relationships I had in the past disappeared from my heart. I trusted this man with everything in my soul. We are both fairly quiet individuals but the two of us together could talk for hours.
From there we continued dating. It was wonderful. I had never felt so sane and peaceful in a relationship before. I felt like this had long term potential so I brought the subject up to him for discussion. His response was that he wanted it to "go somewhere" but he should probably tell me that he had plans of moving away in the summer. We decided to see where it would go. He took me home to meet his family, I took him out of state to meet mine. Everything clicked. This man was everything I had ever wanted. Loyal, caring, respectful, hardworking, courageous, honest, prideful, virtuous, strong, I could go on forever. True CHARACTER of a great man.
This all happened between September and December of 2012. December rolled around and it was time for my 23rd birthday. I had plans to go to dinner with a group of friends and invited him. He said he couldn't make it because of work. I was pretty disappointed but I didn't let him know. We had plans to attend his mother's company Christmas party that following weekend so I tried to just enjoy the night with my friends, which turned out to be a great night. Friday night came and he picked me up to go to the Christmas party. We had dinner and a few drinks with his mom and the company. Afterwards, we decided to go to town and catch a movie.
We went to see the new "Red Dawn" movie. He was excited to see it. Afterwards, we decided to spend the night in town at a hotel so we could have some privacy. I don't know what happened...we were intimate and suddenly he stopped and moved away from me, lied down on his stomach with his face in his hands for the longest time in silence. I didn't know what to do. He sensed my discomfort and said, "Put your mind at ease. You didn't do anything. Sometimes I just think about things that get to me." He was calm and quiet. He put me at ease with his words. I touched his face and kissed him, he told me to try to get some sleep. He turned the tv on and that was it. The next morning he was silent. He drove me the 30 minutes back to my house. In silence. As he stopped in front of my house he apologized again and reassured me that I shouldn't worry and it had nothing to do with me.
From there, he kept his distance. He told me he didn't have time for a relationship and needed to focus on finishing school and pursuing his goals (he wants to work for the FBI). He was also taking care of his grandparents at the time and had a job with long hours. I understood he was overwhelmed with his responsibilities but I didn't want to give up. He had told me before not to give on him and always apologized for not having as much time to see me as he wanted to. I knew he was worth fighting for. Every time I looked at him I felt a sense of pride and admiration.
So we stopped seeing each other. He ended up quitting his job at the end of December and I thought we could possibly start seeing each other again since he would have more free time. I was wrong. He started drinking here and there. I got a call from him one night, he was drunk and needed a ride so I picked him up. We ended up staying the night together...we slept together...spent the next day together. Where he told me "I'm confused and I don't know what to do." He ended up getting sick but he invited me to stay the week with him at his mother's house on the lake while she was out of town. I went home that night because I wanted to make it to church the next morning. I told him I would come back after church and see how he was feeling. He ended up having the flu so I stayed away.
We didn't start dating again but at least once every week or two he would get drunk and text me, either to apologize for hurting me or to ask me to come see him. This went on from January until April. I finally decided to move away because I wasn't strong enough to stay away from him. At the beginning of May, I decided to leave. He was out of town for work but I wanted to see him one last time before I left. It was late and I texted him...he invited me to come there but I thought he was only drunk. He promised me he wasn't, he was on a job so he obviously wasn't drunk. Well...I drove almost 3 hours in the middle of the night to find him fast asleep in his hotel room with beer on his breath. The next morning he hugged me and kissed me good-bye. I started to panic about moving away and I told him I couldn't leave unless he told me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. So, he told me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.
With that, I packed my things and I left. We hardly spoke a word for 3-4 months. In August, his job had him working in the same state I had moved to. I had contacted him one day via text and he asked me how far away his job location was from where I lived. It was 4 hours. He didn't say why he asked but I told him I was seeing someone (which I was but nothing serious). I woke up in the middle of that night and looked at my phone for the time. It was 3am and I had a text from him. He was drunk, wanted me there...said he missed me. I said, "No, you're just drunk and miss sex." His response? "Ouch. No, I miss you."
Me: "Why can't you tell me that when you're sober?"
Him: "It's hard to."
End of conversation. The next day I texted him and asked if he meant what he said or if it was just the booze talking. He said "I meant it but probably shouldn't have said it." I asked him what he was going to do about it and he said "Probably nothing. I don't have the time". Frustrating. We didn't talk for awhile after that. I ended up getting rid of the other guy I was dating.
November rolled around and I went back home to visit family one weekend. Ha..well I ended up going straight to the bar with some friends. Texted the ex and told him he should stop by. To my surprise, he did. This was the first time we had seen each other in 6 months. By the time he got there I was pretty drunk. He didn't come over to our table, he went and sat at the bar, ordered a glass of tea (he quit drinking). I darted over to him and we chatted a bit. My friends left and went to a bar down the block. I said I would meet them there later. After a while he said, "let's go have a drink!" So we went to the bar down the block where my friends were and I continued to get wasted. The night is a blur. I remember we went outside, behind the bar at one point and I latched on to him trying to convince him to go somewhere we could be alone. He told me no all night long. I was drunk enough to make a fool of myself. It was bad. He never left me with my friends though. He stuck around the entire night and drove me to the next bar my friends went to, in another nearby town. He never left my side. When he was ready to go, he took me with him instead of leaving me with my friends. I was hoping to go home with him but he took me to my dad's. Nobody was home and I didn't have a key. I couldn't get a hold of anybody else so he was stuck with me. We drove on dirt roads and I ended up physically throwing myself at him, which I have never done. Did I mention I was extremely drunk? He kept telling me no, again and again, but I finally won and...well, you can imagine what happened next.
The next morning, I initiated sex again. I told him I missed him and he went silent, turning away from me. He was a little grumpy the rest of the morning. We grabbed lunch and he took me back to where I had left my car the night before. Before we parted, he told me to swing by and see his grandma if I wanted to before I left town. Sunday rolled around and I told him I wanted to stop by and say bye. He replied, "Good-bye. Drive safe. See how easy it is over the phone?" This confused me. We ended up arguing and he told me he was happy alone and didn't see that changing anytime soon. He only cared for me as a friend now.
We went without talking for awhile, once again. I wanted to make amends so in mid-December I texted him an invitation to my company's Christmas party. I thought he would enjoy the location (at a museum/library) but he never responded. The night of the party I decided to call him after it was over with and he didn't answer. About a week later, I woke up in the middle of the night and checked my phone for the time. I had 3 missed calls from him. Odd how that happens. I texted him and asked what he wanted. He didn't text back, he called two more times but I couldn't make myself get up to answer. The next day I texted him and asked what that was all about. No response. I let it be. I got drunk on New Years and texted him that I was moving on with my life and I hoped he was too. No response. I gave up.
March. Damn it March. I was having an emotional day and wanted to make amends with a few people from my past. My ex being one of them. I didn't think he would respond to me anyways but I figured, what the hell. I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something along the lines of "I'm over the past. I hope we can put it behind us and be friends. I've moved on."
He responded saying he agreed. He wanted to be friends. He was finally moving away from that small town and going on to finish his degree. He was moving south of where I lived and was spending a week there to check things out. I told him we should meet up next time he passes through my city. He was okay with that but timing was bad and we didn't get to. We texted for a bit and he came right out and asked me if I was seeing anyone. I mentioned that I was casually seeing someone.
A week later we both ended up being back in the small town visiting family. We met up and after a couple hours of telling stories and catching up, he told me that he is giving in. "You win," he said. We ended up spending the entire weekend together and he explained why he pushed me away and how he wanted to try to make things work. Everything was so crystal clear and made sense. He kept asking if I really gave up on him and when I said "I thought that's what you wanted" he said it wasn't but he thought it was best at the time. He said he wasn't sure what he direction his life was going at that time and he didn't want me to sit around waiting for him, so he thought it would be easier for me to hate him. He kept saying how much of an idiot he was for pushing me away. He teased me about getting married and having babies (brought this up several times, with a laugh though) ...which is something he has never even brought up, jokingly or not, he never talks like that. He even asked me several times if I wanted to move with him. He told me I could probably find a similar job to the one I currently have and he mentioned finding a horse place nearby down there, he knows how much I love horses. He put so much thought into it and sounded like he knew exactly what he wanted. I was scared and not sure what to say so I told him maybe down the road, I would move if we reached that point. Until then, we would try the long-distance thing. I went to his grandmother's house with him that weekend and she said to me, "I wish he would open his eyes." and I told her I think he is starting too. She told me she would pray about it. I love that woman. She is amazing!
The weekend was over too soon and we had to go back to our separate cities, which were 3 hours apart. He had a job at a bar which had horrible hours for communication. We didn't get to talk much and I felt like he wasn't making as much of an effort as he should/could. It didn't last long. I brought up moving down there and he tried to play it off like he was joking about that (he wasn't...at all. I know him well enough that he was not joking when he kept asking me to that weekend). I don't know if he was defensive because I turned him down when he first asked or what. But his tone had suddenly changed. We decided the long distance wasn't going to work and we should just be friends "for now".
I went down to his city to visit him. I loved it there and I wanted to move there. The city was amazing. I spent a whole weekend with him down there. It felt like we were together again. He showed me around, took me out. We got a little drunk the first night and ended up having sex in my hotel. He couldn't sleep and woke me up to tell me he was going to go home. I was upset about it but he left. The next morning we went to breakfast, he had to work that evening but not too late. I explored the city alone until he was off work. We went to dinner and a movie, then back to my hotel. No sex. Just slept. I tried to initiate intimacy the next morning and he told me no. He didn't want me to accuse him of using me for sex, we are just friends now, (even though we had sex the night before?). I didn't argue. We went to lunch, spent the day sight seeing, then had dinner...then I had to go home. He paid for everything. My other guy friends usually go Dutch with me.
Anyways...to end...I tried bringing it up again a few days ago. I was really willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. He went back to the old "I have other priorities..." and "I don't feel the same way you do" excuses. I feel like he is in denial. I understand having other priorities but that's a cop out. I'm not asking him to make me the center of his universe. This was HIS idea to try again in the first place.
Why would he come back into my life after all this time and talk such big things...just to back out again with the same reasons? He had mentioned to me that when he got out of the army they diagnosed him with PTSD but he didn't continue treatment. He is very anti-drug (yes, even Rx) and he also thinks that he is too tough to have anything wrong with him. I've been battling myself about whether this is PTSD or if he is just a master manipulator. I've never felt so strongly about anyone in my life and I don't know how to handle it. He is constantly in and out of my life...even after I moved to another state, even after all this time. I would sometimes get really upset and send him ridiculously long text messages (I know, I know...bad) and he would ignore me but that weekend in March he told me that he actually LIKED it because it showed him how much I cared. I'm so lost. To me, this is the most amazing man in the world...but he is wrapped in issues. Please help...I'm sorry this was so long.
In September of 2012, I met a man through mutual friends at a party. We lived in a very small town so I had seen him around before but we had never spoken to each until that night. I had always found him very attractive but I never imagined our paths would cross the way they did. The night lead to conversation and getting to know each other. Alcohol was involved...he ended up kissing me somewhere along the way and it was all down hill from there. We made out like teenagers the rest of the night and ended up falling asleep together (we did not have sex). The next morning he took me home, without exchanging numbers. I eventually got his number from a friend and sent him a text to give him mine. We ended up dating. He treated me like I was the most interesting and incredible woman he had ever met. I remember him saying how he couldn't wrap his head around why I was single in the first place. I thought the same of him. We clicked on amazing levels and always had this natural connection. Any bad relationships I had in the past disappeared from my heart. I trusted this man with everything in my soul. We are both fairly quiet individuals but the two of us together could talk for hours.
From there we continued dating. It was wonderful. I had never felt so sane and peaceful in a relationship before. I felt like this had long term potential so I brought the subject up to him for discussion. His response was that he wanted it to "go somewhere" but he should probably tell me that he had plans of moving away in the summer. We decided to see where it would go. He took me home to meet his family, I took him out of state to meet mine. Everything clicked. This man was everything I had ever wanted. Loyal, caring, respectful, hardworking, courageous, honest, prideful, virtuous, strong, I could go on forever. True CHARACTER of a great man.
This all happened between September and December of 2012. December rolled around and it was time for my 23rd birthday. I had plans to go to dinner with a group of friends and invited him. He said he couldn't make it because of work. I was pretty disappointed but I didn't let him know. We had plans to attend his mother's company Christmas party that following weekend so I tried to just enjoy the night with my friends, which turned out to be a great night. Friday night came and he picked me up to go to the Christmas party. We had dinner and a few drinks with his mom and the company. Afterwards, we decided to go to town and catch a movie.
We went to see the new "Red Dawn" movie. He was excited to see it. Afterwards, we decided to spend the night in town at a hotel so we could have some privacy. I don't know what happened...we were intimate and suddenly he stopped and moved away from me, lied down on his stomach with his face in his hands for the longest time in silence. I didn't know what to do. He sensed my discomfort and said, "Put your mind at ease. You didn't do anything. Sometimes I just think about things that get to me." He was calm and quiet. He put me at ease with his words. I touched his face and kissed him, he told me to try to get some sleep. He turned the tv on and that was it. The next morning he was silent. He drove me the 30 minutes back to my house. In silence. As he stopped in front of my house he apologized again and reassured me that I shouldn't worry and it had nothing to do with me.
From there, he kept his distance. He told me he didn't have time for a relationship and needed to focus on finishing school and pursuing his goals (he wants to work for the FBI). He was also taking care of his grandparents at the time and had a job with long hours. I understood he was overwhelmed with his responsibilities but I didn't want to give up. He had told me before not to give on him and always apologized for not having as much time to see me as he wanted to. I knew he was worth fighting for. Every time I looked at him I felt a sense of pride and admiration.
So we stopped seeing each other. He ended up quitting his job at the end of December and I thought we could possibly start seeing each other again since he would have more free time. I was wrong. He started drinking here and there. I got a call from him one night, he was drunk and needed a ride so I picked him up. We ended up staying the night together...we slept together...spent the next day together. Where he told me "I'm confused and I don't know what to do." He ended up getting sick but he invited me to stay the week with him at his mother's house on the lake while she was out of town. I went home that night because I wanted to make it to church the next morning. I told him I would come back after church and see how he was feeling. He ended up having the flu so I stayed away.
We didn't start dating again but at least once every week or two he would get drunk and text me, either to apologize for hurting me or to ask me to come see him. This went on from January until April. I finally decided to move away because I wasn't strong enough to stay away from him. At the beginning of May, I decided to leave. He was out of town for work but I wanted to see him one last time before I left. It was late and I texted him...he invited me to come there but I thought he was only drunk. He promised me he wasn't, he was on a job so he obviously wasn't drunk. Well...I drove almost 3 hours in the middle of the night to find him fast asleep in his hotel room with beer on his breath. The next morning he hugged me and kissed me good-bye. I started to panic about moving away and I told him I couldn't leave unless he told me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. So, he told me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.
With that, I packed my things and I left. We hardly spoke a word for 3-4 months. In August, his job had him working in the same state I had moved to. I had contacted him one day via text and he asked me how far away his job location was from where I lived. It was 4 hours. He didn't say why he asked but I told him I was seeing someone (which I was but nothing serious). I woke up in the middle of that night and looked at my phone for the time. It was 3am and I had a text from him. He was drunk, wanted me there...said he missed me. I said, "No, you're just drunk and miss sex." His response? "Ouch. No, I miss you."
Me: "Why can't you tell me that when you're sober?"
Him: "It's hard to."
End of conversation. The next day I texted him and asked if he meant what he said or if it was just the booze talking. He said "I meant it but probably shouldn't have said it." I asked him what he was going to do about it and he said "Probably nothing. I don't have the time". Frustrating. We didn't talk for awhile after that. I ended up getting rid of the other guy I was dating.
November rolled around and I went back home to visit family one weekend. Ha..well I ended up going straight to the bar with some friends. Texted the ex and told him he should stop by. To my surprise, he did. This was the first time we had seen each other in 6 months. By the time he got there I was pretty drunk. He didn't come over to our table, he went and sat at the bar, ordered a glass of tea (he quit drinking). I darted over to him and we chatted a bit. My friends left and went to a bar down the block. I said I would meet them there later. After a while he said, "let's go have a drink!" So we went to the bar down the block where my friends were and I continued to get wasted. The night is a blur. I remember we went outside, behind the bar at one point and I latched on to him trying to convince him to go somewhere we could be alone. He told me no all night long. I was drunk enough to make a fool of myself. It was bad. He never left me with my friends though. He stuck around the entire night and drove me to the next bar my friends went to, in another nearby town. He never left my side. When he was ready to go, he took me with him instead of leaving me with my friends. I was hoping to go home with him but he took me to my dad's. Nobody was home and I didn't have a key. I couldn't get a hold of anybody else so he was stuck with me. We drove on dirt roads and I ended up physically throwing myself at him, which I have never done. Did I mention I was extremely drunk? He kept telling me no, again and again, but I finally won and...well, you can imagine what happened next.
The next morning, I initiated sex again. I told him I missed him and he went silent, turning away from me. He was a little grumpy the rest of the morning. We grabbed lunch and he took me back to where I had left my car the night before. Before we parted, he told me to swing by and see his grandma if I wanted to before I left town. Sunday rolled around and I told him I wanted to stop by and say bye. He replied, "Good-bye. Drive safe. See how easy it is over the phone?" This confused me. We ended up arguing and he told me he was happy alone and didn't see that changing anytime soon. He only cared for me as a friend now.
We went without talking for awhile, once again. I wanted to make amends so in mid-December I texted him an invitation to my company's Christmas party. I thought he would enjoy the location (at a museum/library) but he never responded. The night of the party I decided to call him after it was over with and he didn't answer. About a week later, I woke up in the middle of the night and checked my phone for the time. I had 3 missed calls from him. Odd how that happens. I texted him and asked what he wanted. He didn't text back, he called two more times but I couldn't make myself get up to answer. The next day I texted him and asked what that was all about. No response. I let it be. I got drunk on New Years and texted him that I was moving on with my life and I hoped he was too. No response. I gave up.
March. Damn it March. I was having an emotional day and wanted to make amends with a few people from my past. My ex being one of them. I didn't think he would respond to me anyways but I figured, what the hell. I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something along the lines of "I'm over the past. I hope we can put it behind us and be friends. I've moved on."
He responded saying he agreed. He wanted to be friends. He was finally moving away from that small town and going on to finish his degree. He was moving south of where I lived and was spending a week there to check things out. I told him we should meet up next time he passes through my city. He was okay with that but timing was bad and we didn't get to. We texted for a bit and he came right out and asked me if I was seeing anyone. I mentioned that I was casually seeing someone.
A week later we both ended up being back in the small town visiting family. We met up and after a couple hours of telling stories and catching up, he told me that he is giving in. "You win," he said. We ended up spending the entire weekend together and he explained why he pushed me away and how he wanted to try to make things work. Everything was so crystal clear and made sense. He kept asking if I really gave up on him and when I said "I thought that's what you wanted" he said it wasn't but he thought it was best at the time. He said he wasn't sure what he direction his life was going at that time and he didn't want me to sit around waiting for him, so he thought it would be easier for me to hate him. He kept saying how much of an idiot he was for pushing me away. He teased me about getting married and having babies (brought this up several times, with a laugh though) ...which is something he has never even brought up, jokingly or not, he never talks like that. He even asked me several times if I wanted to move with him. He told me I could probably find a similar job to the one I currently have and he mentioned finding a horse place nearby down there, he knows how much I love horses. He put so much thought into it and sounded like he knew exactly what he wanted. I was scared and not sure what to say so I told him maybe down the road, I would move if we reached that point. Until then, we would try the long-distance thing. I went to his grandmother's house with him that weekend and she said to me, "I wish he would open his eyes." and I told her I think he is starting too. She told me she would pray about it. I love that woman. She is amazing!
The weekend was over too soon and we had to go back to our separate cities, which were 3 hours apart. He had a job at a bar which had horrible hours for communication. We didn't get to talk much and I felt like he wasn't making as much of an effort as he should/could. It didn't last long. I brought up moving down there and he tried to play it off like he was joking about that (he wasn't...at all. I know him well enough that he was not joking when he kept asking me to that weekend). I don't know if he was defensive because I turned him down when he first asked or what. But his tone had suddenly changed. We decided the long distance wasn't going to work and we should just be friends "for now".
I went down to his city to visit him. I loved it there and I wanted to move there. The city was amazing. I spent a whole weekend with him down there. It felt like we were together again. He showed me around, took me out. We got a little drunk the first night and ended up having sex in my hotel. He couldn't sleep and woke me up to tell me he was going to go home. I was upset about it but he left. The next morning we went to breakfast, he had to work that evening but not too late. I explored the city alone until he was off work. We went to dinner and a movie, then back to my hotel. No sex. Just slept. I tried to initiate intimacy the next morning and he told me no. He didn't want me to accuse him of using me for sex, we are just friends now, (even though we had sex the night before?). I didn't argue. We went to lunch, spent the day sight seeing, then had dinner...then I had to go home. He paid for everything. My other guy friends usually go Dutch with me.
Anyways...to end...I tried bringing it up again a few days ago. I was really willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. He went back to the old "I have other priorities..." and "I don't feel the same way you do" excuses. I feel like he is in denial. I understand having other priorities but that's a cop out. I'm not asking him to make me the center of his universe. This was HIS idea to try again in the first place.
Why would he come back into my life after all this time and talk such big things...just to back out again with the same reasons? He had mentioned to me that when he got out of the army they diagnosed him with PTSD but he didn't continue treatment. He is very anti-drug (yes, even Rx) and he also thinks that he is too tough to have anything wrong with him. I've been battling myself about whether this is PTSD or if he is just a master manipulator. I've never felt so strongly about anyone in my life and I don't know how to handle it. He is constantly in and out of my life...even after I moved to another state, even after all this time. I would sometimes get really upset and send him ridiculously long text messages (I know, I know...bad) and he would ignore me but that weekend in March he told me that he actually LIKED it because it showed him how much I cared. I'm so lost. To me, this is the most amazing man in the world...but he is wrapped in issues. Please help...I'm sorry this was so long.
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