General A big step - a public event

[Pippi427]

Last night L took a huge step for himself and our relationship. I am a player on a local roller derby team in a big city. I've probably skated in 10 games. Crowds are a known trigger for him, so I have not invited him to games. I did not want to force him if he was not ready. I have shared my sport with him through videos and photos which he enjoys. But this week he announced he wanted to go to a game. :eek:

The crowd there would be about 400 people, plus 50 skaters crammed into a small venue with loud music. I spent a little time discussing the layout of things and did some legwork to get him disabled veteran parking (he still has a broken leg mind you). I discussed the game schedule and mentioned it would acceptable to me if he left at halftime. The idea was for him to show me support and understand what is a big part of my life while getting him some exposure to a crowd because he wants to get better at being in a crowd.

He had not been out in 2 months. He had a panic attack on the way to the game, but came anyway. He stayed 30 minutes. My friends got to meet him. I was happy with this. It was really hard for him, but he stayed positive. He briefly talked about being embarrassed about not being able to stay the whole time. When he goes down this road, I try to validate his feelings, but let him know what I see is him trying. I reminded him this was a big deal and I was happy he made the effort. He says he feels safe with me. :inlove:

Am I doing this right? This is a big deal right? He says he wants to try again at next month's game.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes and yes!

You’re doing this right!

It’s a big deal!

 

[Pippi427]

Thank you I needed to hear this. I felt guilty that he felt like he needed to go and have these symptoms while he was at the game… But I realize that someday he may need to go to his daughter’s ball game so he needs to work on this and I’m glad he is.

 

[Never_falter2]

I do not know him but I know for many people this is a big deal. You are doing this right. Well done for telling him you were happy he made the effort... and do tell him you are very proud of him.

 

[Pippi427]

I did tell him I was proud! Multiple times. :inlove: He says he wants to come to another game. That makes me even more proud! Here's to staying on track and looking for overall progress over time! :tup: I've learned a LOT on how to deal with set backs from this group, too, and I expect them. The MOST IMPORTANT thing I learned about PTSD is not to take his isolation personally. He did isolate himself the day after the game. I expected that, but he went to work Monday and checked in with me twice, so we're moving again. Staying on target...even if we stumble. :headphone: BTW - he's out of the cast and walking again, too!

 

[Freida]

Holy crap that is HUGE for both of you!!! I'm so happy!

 

[Mytime]

That’s great!! Happy to hear your moving forward. Also, hats off to him. He took a big step :)

 

[Never_falter2]

BTW not sure if this is helpful but in case of some public events we found it helpful to have a code-word, so he can tell me (and others such as his siblings who know about the ptsd) he wants to go without being the “bad guy“ who always spoils it.
Of course that only makes sense in case of an event when others are leaving with him.

 

[Freida]

@Never_falter that is brilliant! hubby usually knows when I've had to much cause I get bitchy -- this might be a much better plan! Especially when we are out with family who know very little about whats going on with me. Thank You!

 

[Pippi427]

Thanks everyone. The code word is a great idea. I can usually just see the look in his eye...LOL. But other people don't recognize what I do.