A Bit New Here.

[Reverie]

Hello,

My name is Jessica. I've recently been diagnosed with PTSD after a couple of sessions with a doctor.

Most of it, I think I have blocked out and so it's hard for me to really pinpoint why. I know I didn't have to share my diagnosis with anyone if I didn't want to. I told my girlfriend of seven years, of course, I mean she is very close to me and we do everything together. However, when I told my parents they acted very awkward about it. "I don't know what you went through that was so horrible!" "Why would they even say something like that?" "What did you say to them to have them make that diagnosis." Etc.

And so, I'm not really feeling the support of my family at this time. Unfortunately.

When I was little, I endured plenty of bullying through school. Once I was pushed into a school bathroom by two girls at night, they shut off the light and I had to find my way out. It was traumatizing. I can't even stand to be in a dark bathroom to this day, I have to turn the light on whenever I go in and it must be on until I am out of the room. Any other room I am fine with, I suppose that is strange or a normal reaction for that kind of trauma?

Part of me wishes I could unlock what I have blocked out, because I know there is something more to it. I just don't know what.
I love my family, they are my family and they have been there for me. But, they seem to brush things off really easily. Such as the bullying, it was always "They are jealous of you." Or something to that degree.

Anyhow, I digress.
Thanks for having me here. :)

 

[Vee Lagrome]

Well, my mother said exactly the same thing. I think it's amazing how a lot of parents seem to block that stuff out... I think it's really a shame that they tried to pin the blame on you for getting that diagnosis, as if you slipped the psychiatrist a $20 bill and asked for it. :rolleyes:

I think that reaction to being locked in a dark bathroom is very normal. It is an awful thing that those girls did to you, but I think with some time, you might be able to find some peace with that.

You might want to try hypnosis at some point during your healing. It might be helpful, and I'm sure others have good suggestions too. :)

Anyway, welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Reverie]

Thank you.
I've honestly thought of looking into hypnosis, but I'm not really sure where to start.
I do know however, that I have a lot of dreams involving rape. :( But, there is some kind of dream significance to that, or so I have read.

It's interesting to see how parents react to certain things and it really makes you wonder why they would have such a reaction to that.
Anywho, I am rambling and feel like I am not making sense...A little foggy headed today. xD

<3

 

[Kintsugi]

Hi Reverie, welcome to the forum. Are you seeing a T for this? What makes you feel that something is blocked out?

Families can be very dismissive and unsupportive when faced with something that they don't understand. My family seems to have no interest in how I am affected by PTSD.

I've honestly thought of looking into hypnosis, but I'm not really sure where to start.

I have heard that hypnosis is the worst thing to do for any kind of traumatized person.

 

[Vee Lagrome]

It's my therapist's preferred method MissAntiSunshine. I don't think it's the worst thing, but you know, everyone has their preference.

 

[Srain]

Welcome Reverie :),
I'm glad you've found the site. I'm curious about your parents reaction and that after all these years that reaction, why they were not more concerned as to where you were or better yet - HOW you were, it's is more than some foolish prank! The fact that you still can't remember it all makes me wonder what has happened in your life since and what was happening in your life prior to that happening.

I always had mixed thoughts on hypno-therapy, I think there are many schools of thought there but ultimately it is your decision to make. I had the same reaction as you about it, I wanted to know what happened but was afraid of finding out. After speaking to several tdocs about it I found that the process of "when my mind is ready to release the information then I will be ready with the support I need to hear it." I rolled with that for awhile and then had a few hypno session to no avail, I'm not the trusting type. It's happened to be more than just the "what I don't remember" it's tended to be everything around it, in my case, though it is all pretty traumatic to me.

I am very glad you are here, varying view points help to give a broader picture of what's available to so you can see what might what for you :) It's a great site. Look around.

Rain

 

[Reverie]

Thank you for the welcomes. I went to a therapist for my assessment, she wanted to put me in her trauma group with other patients, though feels I am too unstable for it just yet. So, I was placed in a Women's Coping skills group for the time being. The women I have met so far are older than me, some are there most days though don't make it to every session. I have admittedly called out on a few of my session days, due to sickness or just having days where I can't handle people very well. I know I should go, but some days it's hard.

I've heard of some hypnosis therapy working, but I guess it really does depend on the person's willingness to let someone in? I'm not sure. I seem to hole a lot of my problems up and haven't spoken much in group even.

The reason I feel as if I have blocked something out is, there are certain things that bother me and I can't really pinpoint the reason for them. I feel as if I have been there before and feel very uncomfortable. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not, I sure hope it does.

My parents are supportive in other aspects of my life, such as my hobbies or aspirations. They are slowly coming to terms with me being with a woman, even though we have been seeing each other for seven years. At least they let her live under their roof with me, as I can't get into my own home yet and need help with the epilepsy. I think it just must be hard for them to accept that I might have problems too, as for years I had been the most held together. My brother has drug problems, depression and social problems. My dad suffers from Depression and Bipolar II. My mother has Fibromyalgia which kind of screws with her mental health sometimes and makes her heavily depressed on some days. For a while, I was the most stable person in this family and was taking care of them as best as I could when they felt bad, though had to take care of my girlfriend as well since she has many issues. I think I was just bound to crack one day.

Anyhow, I think I was a bit long winded today. xD Sorry.
<3

 

[Kintsugi]

(((Reverie)))

I have had a caretaker position for a very long time in my family. All I can say is, your issues are valid and deserve to be acknowledged and respected and you deserve care/attention/validation.

Don't let anyone make you feel like you are not being strong enough, failing them, or being dramatic. That is the trap my family caught me in. Be kind to yourself and validating.

 

[Srain]

Reverie, sounds like you are in groups and not one on ones. I, personally, am nowhere near ready for group settings, though some find it easier. Am I understanding this correctly, she is basing her assessment due to groups? Sorry for all the questions and really they don't matter but I wouldn't want you to be in a place you feel you aren't being supported and getting the treatment you feel you need to recover. That's just my take.

Please take care of yourself.

Rain

 

[Reverie]

MissAntiSunshine, Thank you. :) I shall try my best. It sounds like you understand completely. *hugs*

Srain, I went through an assessment in a one on one setting with a therapist. I saw her a couple of times and she talked to me about my family and the problems I was facing. All I know is, I am too unstable for trauma group and am supposed to go to this Women's Coping.
I haven't much spoken up, no. But, I think that the woman running it is very kind and understanding. She has offered me one on one therapy before and I may take her up on that offer. I just, I have a lot of problems speaking up about things when I am face to face with a person. So, I guess in group it is just easier for me to listen and nod my head the whole time...Not helping me much, I guess. However, I don't really know where to start and most of the other women get the chance to speak out before I do.

Do you think it would be more beneficial for me to try a one on one session with the group leader? I am just curious to know anyone's opinion or their experience with one on one versus groups.

 

[Zemi]

Hi Jessica, welcome :) I haven't tried group therapy but if you are finding you aren't speaking up in the sessions and that it is easy to stay quiet you may as well try the one on one session with the group leader and see what happens. At least you know her a little bit and know that she seems to be kind and understanding and she might be able to help you with speaking face to face as well.