Alfred.Greene
Bronze Member
For awhile now I have been processing my PTSD in religious symbols. Being a Christian this seems dangerous to say the least.
Putting pieces together, I knew walking into this that I needed a abstraction, and a understanding for the negative voice in my head. That instinctive feeling of fear that wanted to break me down into my smallest pieces.
I gave it the moniker of Satan, please hear me out, Philosophically, not religiously/spiritually this makes sense.
The Zoroastrian sense of good vs. evil that it seems modern day Christianity, and honestly several religions piggy back onto.
If you extrapolate(follow it to it's natural end) the principle and contrast of good and evil(seek the righteous over the wrong), and seek all that is good, *God, then you'll achieve it.
I dubbed all that was good, God, and all that was evil, Satan, and thus I attached feelings, tactics, thoughts patterns, all that was my human experience to one of the two, and where relevant something neutral.
Trusting my gut for accuracy I cut down what was bad, I literally flicked my wrist every time I thought in dark thoughts, to stop the flow. But I let righteous flow strongly.
Last night it came to my attention the physical aspect of this complex metaphor.
I had finally put my head to rest, and fallen into a deep deep sleep.
I awoke to find something was not right, I felt in danger. I ate, laid my head back down upon my pillow after scouting the house. This was unusual for me, because I know paranoia when I feel it, but this wasn't paranoia.
Then I could feel the memory, I saw the way I was repressing it.
I attached it to the "darkness", and it slowly was flowing back, and I can't explain it, but in that moment my definition of God became invalid. I grew past the "logic of God" sort of thing. I saw him for more then just a philosophical/psychological concept.
It's scary.
Putting pieces together, I knew walking into this that I needed a abstraction, and a understanding for the negative voice in my head. That instinctive feeling of fear that wanted to break me down into my smallest pieces.
I gave it the moniker of Satan, please hear me out, Philosophically, not religiously/spiritually this makes sense.
The Zoroastrian sense of good vs. evil that it seems modern day Christianity, and honestly several religions piggy back onto.
If you extrapolate(follow it to it's natural end) the principle and contrast of good and evil(seek the righteous over the wrong), and seek all that is good, *God, then you'll achieve it.
I dubbed all that was good, God, and all that was evil, Satan, and thus I attached feelings, tactics, thoughts patterns, all that was my human experience to one of the two, and where relevant something neutral.
Trusting my gut for accuracy I cut down what was bad, I literally flicked my wrist every time I thought in dark thoughts, to stop the flow. But I let righteous flow strongly.
Last night it came to my attention the physical aspect of this complex metaphor.
I had finally put my head to rest, and fallen into a deep deep sleep.
I awoke to find something was not right, I felt in danger. I ate, laid my head back down upon my pillow after scouting the house. This was unusual for me, because I know paranoia when I feel it, but this wasn't paranoia.
Then I could feel the memory, I saw the way I was repressing it.
I attached it to the "darkness", and it slowly was flowing back, and I can't explain it, but in that moment my definition of God became invalid. I grew past the "logic of God" sort of thing. I saw him for more then just a philosophical/psychological concept.
It's scary.
