A Good Sensation As Basis Of The Cognitive Process

[Dot Warner]

I am glad that you could re-live a happy moment of your past life.

All my past is bad, when I played guitar or I painted it was an espace for me, and at any moment my parents or my brother used to enter in the room angry saying I had to stop.
So it is very difficoult now to began again.

For this reason I am trying to use the recent past.

Now I open another thread, I hope you will like it ! :)

 

[Nishkaa]

That makes sense to use something from the recent past. That's a good choice!

That's how the camping images really helped me (never went camping as kid, so that's why it was cool to try it as an adult-- and I love it!!!).

It was a very long time before I could remember something positive from before age 10, so it was a really nice surprise-- I hold it close. A lot of things of the past are tainted by what I know of the trauma that was back there-- it makes sense how it would be difficult to be able to attach safely to anything of the past-- makes a lot of sense to me.

I like to think of things now as allowing myself the opportunity to build "happier, positive and safe experiences", so it can be a fun thing to rediscover-- I was very lost for where should I start from-- so I bought some books about women's self care. Another thing that was an interesting activity is "collaging", just picking through magazines and finding pictures which inspire positive feelings, that feel good.

You are totally allowed to bring in as much positive to your living. I like gardening, newer discovery, taking care of plants, growing things from seeds-- what was super fun to plant from seed was sunflowers-- I found they were fascinating to grow and I could notice something different each day. On a practical level, leafy lettuce is fun to grow because it can reach maturity (edible) in a fairly short while. I discovered these yummy "mustard greens" or even growing fresh basil-- all yummy and healthy as a salad or in a sandwich even. . .

You have freedom to invent something new, be open to discovering new joys. I like doing crafts as well, something I never used to do, but e.g. knitting even, I find to be relaxing.

I wasn't allowed to play music, or cook anything (literally attacked for it, huge tantrums, ridiculous out-of-control behaviour of my mom), or any self-expression seemed to cause a lot of negative reaction-- my mom was overly dramatic about it-- ripping my posters off my wall, in one of her tantrums. Or upset she didn't get what she wanted for Christmas, so she'd take our presents and smash them against the wall. . . all kinds of nutzo behaviours. It had nothing to do with me, abusers just don't distinguish anything like respect for an individual human being. I was just "the ends of another person's anger and rage issues"-- it sucks/sucked. But I am alive, and I don't live with them, and I like that freedom a lot!!! When I cook anything, it's in direct defiance of not having been allowed to before, and it took some courage actually to try, and I was awkward about it at first-- I took a cooking class actually!

It was a new thing to allow myself the right to just explore new things, teach myself new things. I had a lot of anxiety about doing that at first, and I could hear the criticims and "introjects", similar in flavour, "dont' cry or I'll give you something to cry about"-- I have a clear understanding now that that was a very wrong way to treat a child, and also a child who is in grief.

You can have back what's yours, those jerk abusers-- they're in the past, but it still hurts, and comes back and leaks into our present, but we will win! We will win all of our lives back, from those who tried to steal it from us.

 

[Dot Warner]

Hi Nishkaa,

How a terrible mom you had!!! She was very very bad... :(

How many interests you have!!! :)))
Did you now that scientists recently descovered a fossile sunflower in South America? ( I can't remember exactly where ).

About this:

but we will win! We will win all of our lives back, from those who tried to steal it from us.

I think that we keep loosing a lot of energy if we feel in struggle with them, we don't have to play their game!
Neverthless, it' true that everybody has a personal struggle he has to do, because if he doesn't he will avoid struggle during his whole life and he will live the half.
In our case, this personal struggle may be related to our parents, but we have to fight for our personal reasons.
I don't know if I explained well..

Thank you.

 

[Nishkaa]

Dot,

I think you really get it about positive sensations, and positive experiences to draw from. It was explained to me that this helps develop a sense of a "safe place", how to re-ground from flashback and dissociation. A lot of my dissociation has been connected to not having a sense of safety, so I sort of take flight from reality, inwardly. So building upon positive and safe experiences, having a sense of positive sensations, positive images can become a really helpful tool in recovery, a good friend.

Cool about the fossile sunflower in South America!
I shared the idea about gardening or planting something from a seed and taking care of it each day, because I noticed that in one of the Trauma Recovery programs, that although I'm still on a very long waitlist, I noticed that they do "plant therapy", gardening for relaxation. I live in a big apartment building, but I still manage to plant things-- I even had tall sunflowers peaking from above my balacony (because I"m facing south, so I get lots of sunlight) :)

We can't always help flashback and dissociation, it happens, so the past will flood into our present at times. It just takes time working on the coping skills and some of it does get a lot easier with practice. I know that I can recover from flashback and dissociation, even though at times it takes a long while, but it's been getting a lot better. Some flashbacks I've been able to recognize before I got full into flashback so with the coping, I was able to avoid total flashback from happening. I know that I can survive them, it may not be pleasant, but it feels good knowing I can survive them.

We do what we can, and we heal and we learn and we are all healing.

I think you are awesome-- you come up with the best questions; it shows you are in-tuned to some things you are dealing with, and that's a source of empowerment and hope.

All the Best,
~Nishkaa

 

[Dot Warner]

Thank you Nishkaa, your words are like honey when one feels down for something.. :)

Did you know what Banana Yoshimoto wrote in Kitchen? She wrote that caring plants may help to focous when you have a project to care of: you have to make one thing (two things, in that case) grow, caring it..

Bye!

 

[Nishkaa]

I'm sad to see you go from this forum :( I will miss you here.

I've slipped up with rules before too, and I know that can be a difficult experience to "get the boot" :(

I got kicked out of an outpatient hospital program for not understanding the rules clearly enough, and yeah, that hurt :(

Just a short story:

What happened to me is that group had a rule about "drinking alcohol", but I didn't pay much attention to it, because I don't normally drink alcohol-- I don't have an addiction to it, and I know to be responsible and careful re: drug interactions between my meds and alcohol and I know my limits. . .

. . . But my best friend got married, and I was instructed to pick up some bubbley for the reception-- and it was really awful stuff, but that's what the bride and groom requested. So I showed up to the Monday meeting, the group about "how was your weekend", and I chorted merrily along about my best friend's wedding and this aweful "cheap swill" I had to pick up and how just one glass of it gave me a headache, made me feel like "heaving" (just one taste of this aweful stuff, but having to smile because it's a "toast to the bride and groom" ;-).

I didn't think of it as "drinking" and against the rules, I was thinking just my obligations to the wedding party and a "toast to the bride and groom", and I didn't associate it with rule breaking-- I wasn't drunk, I didn't get drunk and I certainly didn't arrive to my group drunk. . .

As I spilt out this weekend experience, the faciliators jaws all dropped, and then I caught it "what, did I do something bad?"-- I clued into their facial expressions, but I just didn't get it at the time, i.e. before I spoke and it was just too late after I spoke;-) They had to kick me out of the group because I broke a rule.

I didn't mean to break a rule, I just wasn't on it about that rule. If I had been a recovery alcoholic, well then yes, I would have paid more attention to that rule. It wasn't a group for "alcoholics in recovery" it was just a post-psychiatric hospitalization group-- so whatever, I didn't get it and I inadvertently broke the rules, just not even thinking that I did break a rule. Those rules were there for the "safety of the group", I guess there were some recovering alcoholics in there, but the group wasn't about addiction recovery.

***
Just saying this to make light on things and hopefully that you don't take it too badly about the being "banned". It doesn't mean you are an awful person, because you got "banned", it's likely just about some rules that were broken, I'm not sure where, but it happens, even if we don't mean to break rules.

So, I certainly don't see you as a 'bad person'-- not at all!-- you brought up some really great posts, very thought-provoking and as well gave many kind and helpful replies to others, including myself.

Love that quote about plants-- yes, it's a neat idea to grow something and to care for it each day. It helped me connect to the growing, healing and care I also need to be doing for my self.

I Wish You All the Best.

I'm very grateful that we have crossed paths in this universe and that you brought the opportunity to reflect on some important lessons that I too have been struggling with-- good medicines, good "synchronicity". I did see the Celestine Prophesy, and I noted that thing about "energy exchange", it's really nice and very beneficial when it's an equal exchange, one person not seeking to suck energy out of the other, but to be sharing in a special moment, building on strengths and gifts and good energies.

I think we accomplished a lot of good together here, just in this short exchange, but that it can last a lifetime, learning helpful things and from moments of caring about ourselves and another. When it's in the heart space, it can carry us for a long time, it's always there to draw back on.

You get it, in some very important ways. I also find you are very intelligent and I think you already have within you some very important healing knowledge and awareness that will continue to work for you and benefit you on your healing journey.

I Wish You All Best.

Maybe we'll see one another around, another forum or something ;-)

Namaste, "I bow to the Buddha within You",
Peace,
~Nishkaa

 

[Dot Warner]

Hallo Nishkaa!

Thank you for your words.

I have been banned because I make grammar errors. I am not English mother tongue and, in spite of my efforts, I always make errors, I can do nothing about that. For example, nobody taught me how to separate paragraphs, in Italy we don't do it in the same way. I am trying to learn, but it's obviuos that I am not learning.

Don't worry, I know that there are rules and I have to respect them. I already knew I would be banned again...

See you.

 

[Artista]

Amazing to be trying your hand at this complicated language not inherent to you!!! Bravissimo! If I were to write to you in Italiano, it would be molto male!!! Sorry this is a hinderance. It is great practice and you must be getting better! Feel free to PM me if you need to talk, I think we aren't reprimanded for grammar there, but... now I am not sure. Surely there are no thoughts of publishing our PMs.

 

[Dot Warner]

XD

Thank you!

 

[AdamAnt]

Really? when's Dot coming back?