A Good Session

[mudbug]

I don't know, I just had a really good session with my therapist. I feel like I really connected with her and I felt really great about stuff when I left. I was actually smiling on my way out to the car and I just felt a lot of affection for her, which is hard for me to feel for basically anyone beyond my closest friend and pets. For a long time I've always seen other people leaving her office and they always seem to be in a great mood, smiling, laughing, and I felt bad for never parting ways with her like that. But today I kind of got to. I mean I wasn't chuckling my way out the door, but it was nice.

Tell me about your best sessions, did anything really special happen?

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

My best sessions are sometimes my hardest, like when I finally screw up the courage to tell her something really hideous and she just makes me feel okay about it. In one of my best sessions, which was a hard session just before leaving for vacation, she said things like,

"My heart is breaking for you,"

and

"Can you leave some of that [pain, trauma, memories] here in my office?"

and

"Can you take my compassion with you?"

She's amazing.

 

[Panda Bear]

Last December my T went on a field trip with me to see where my dad was buried. He stood in the rain and cold for an hour while we talked through the day my dad died. Then we went back to the office and spent another hour helping me to finish processing that day.

It was an amazing gift.

 

[GMW]

The first time my T smiled at me and I felt comfortable enough challenging her to her face. I'd written her a letter, she handed it back and said "I can't read it without my glasses, you read it to me" I told her she was being cheeky (she'd read one of my letters without glasses before) and she grinned at me and said "it is true though" Her smile was so warm and genuine but without being sickly sweet. It was... twinkly! That's the only way I can describe it! Every time I think of that smile, I smile reflexively. :-) It's her smile that stays with me through the hard days. If I ever forget what it looks like, her profile on the BACP has a photo of her smiling.

I come out of my sessions feeling heard and listened to and that feeling lasts a good few hours but then Sat/Sun (I always see her on a Friday) I will suddenly go downhill. It really depends on the content. Last session she spent most of the time telling me none of what happened was my fault and trying to get me to understand that. It made me want to cry and I'm not even sure why. I want to believe her, but I really don't know if I can. My psyche always finds a way to nullify her arguments.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

The session after I came back from vacation. I had made something, she thought I was just bringing in some of my art, but it was actually a container I had made for her. She was so surprised it was for her, and she asked if she could give me a hug. The way she received the gift, and the hug, meant so much to me. I often think of that.