ChasingMyTail
Bronze Member
I keep trying to write this, trigger myself and walk away. I guess I just don't even know where to begin.
My biological father was abusive towards my mother and sister and neglected me. I'm pretty sure that's what sent my mom a bit off the deep end and I wouldn't be surprised if she had PTSD herself - I'm sure having trying to get a dying baby to a hospital while living in a foreign country would do it to the best of moms, but she was just 19. A neighbor rushed home and got her to the hospital with me - I had double pneumonia complicated by fever seizures but by the time I got there I was unresponsive and floppy.
My sister (she older by 11 months) is just nuts - after I cut off all contact with her she finally went to see a shrink - she's a paranoid schizophrenic. My mom remarried and they did try to get some help (they had her committed twice by the time she was 14) but they didn't get the help they needed, rather the shrinks turned their attentions towards me. I was probably suffering PTSD at that point in life from all the crap I had to deal with from her. My mom was openly partial to my sister before she married my dad to make up for me being my real father's favorite and her being abused. My sister's jealousy of his favoritism is over the top.
Highlights of life with that %^&$#@ -
She blocked me from being advanced in school as the older sister should be in a higher grade.
She ironed my leg - seriously. I was scarred for life (father wouldn't take me to a hospital)
She pushed me in the deep end of a pool when she thought no one was watching. I couldn't swim.
She managed to convince my mom I was faking a stomach ache - my dad didn't listen to her thank god - he checked on me and promptly rushed me to the ER, they sent me to surgery where some nice doctors cleaned the remains of my appendix out of my gut.
When I went in labor with my first child she stayed glued to me the whole time trying to convince everyone I wasn't in labor - when that failed she tried to tell me I should stop complaining, I didn't know what real labor was. I was crowning. Karma got her back for me on that one - when she went into labor with her first child 2 months later - it last over 24 hours! Boo-ya!
Pretty sure this all set me up to fail by the time my daughter died.
My eldest daughter was murdered by the guy I was dating at the time. He offered to watch my girls until I could get a new daycare sorted out. I talked to his friends and family and when everything came back with great recommendations I let him watch them. Not long after (a couple days maybe?) my daughter complained of a stomach ache as I was leaving for work. I asked her about it and if she needed of go to the doctor now or if she could wait till the next day (I worked nights). She wanted to go the next morning after I got off work. This is something that haunts me to this day - why didn't I just say screw work and take her right away??
I ended up getting sick at work, my players where concerned and got my managers to send me home. When I got home it was around or after midnight, not sure anymore - he told me my daughter slipped from the bath and hit her head but she seemed fine and was sleeping. I peeked through the door and everything looked ok, I was wobbly on my feet and he put me in bed saying it could wait till morning.
The next morning he woke me up and had my younger daughter with him. He said it was cold out side and since my older daughter was sick it would probably be best to picked up the insurance card from my dad and then come back for her - made since right? It was cold out and by the time I'd get back the dr. office would be open.
He waited for me to leave and rushed to a neighbor's to call 911.
To make a long story even shorter - by the time I got home the cops were every where with ambulances, firetrucks - the works. I got out of my car and was mobbed by my neighbors who where trying to protect me from the police. By this point, all I knew was she had another accident - the police grabbed me and stuck me in the back of a car. I was panicking. They wouldn't tell me anything at first. I begged and pleaded with them to tell me where my kids were, to take me to them but they just got mad. We were over half way to the station when the female screamed at me 'your daughter is dead!' I spent I don't know how long at the station being questioned, ignored and left wondering what happened. My dad came and the released me and the guy I was dating to my dad's custody.
Things went from bad to worse. I had to go to court to find out what happened to my younger daughter. It was there we found out my older daughter was murdered. My dad had a lawyer with him who requested custody of my younger daughter.
Psycho sister shows up and tried to take everything over - and I mean everything! I expressly told the funeral director I would be dressing my baby and doing her hair, my finally act of being her mom for god's sake! My sister made sure she got there first with her friends and had it all done by the time I got there. Since it had been done already they didn't let me go back. The wake was unreal - the guy showed up and I had to act like I was still his girlfriend because the police feared he'd pull a runner. I am surprised I survived - all the well meaning people with pills for me and I took hem all.
The only day we could get for the funeral landed on my niece's birthday. My evil sister organised a birthday party for her so the family who'd come for the funeral could celebrate with her. As soon as we got home it was straight into the birthday party. I was guilt tripped into attending as it wasn't fair to my niece and I was being selfish. A few days later I tried to ignore my own birthday. I turned 22.
Dealing with CPS and the courts were a nightmare. The judge was nice but he listened to them. First they requested I be court ordered to grief therapy - good idea and parenting classes. Apparently I didn't discipline my kids enough so therefore I was a danger to my daughter and would only be allowed supervised visits.
Everyone agreed with the first part - no one understood the second.
I did the parenting classes and went to counselling. My parents won custody but my daughter was on CPS books and since I couldn't be left alone with her they had to hire a babysitter. The babysitter grew attached to my daughter quickly and became jealousy of me. She took to waiting till my mom left for work and would take off with my daughter. I protested this to my parents and the looked into it - they found out she was going around passing my daughter off as hers. She is probably the one who started the CPS adoption thing as not long after the case worker showed up asking us about the adoption. It was a real WTF moment. We had many rounds with CPS until we got a caseworker with a heart. I can never thank her enough.
5 months after my daughter died I found out I was pregnant by that SOB. It was not a pleasant place to be. I will never blame the baby - but I can't say it did me any favors. My mom got it in her head adoption would be best and I didn't have the energy to say anything. After I had her I crashed, my iron levels dropped and I lost way too much blood. The morning after I finally came to covered in bruises and IVs - my first visitors were from the adoption center my mom picked out. I told them to go away - they kept pushing me to sign. When I told them I was keeping the baby - they pointed out my mom wanted this and so that's how it should be. I got kinda (very) rude after that.
I had support from my dad on this one, but even after I told my mom there would be no adoption she went off and told her cousin about it all. Mom had a brilliant idea that my cousin should adopted - she tells me about this great plan and I just couldn't say no to a cousin with 2 sons who wouldn't live to see 20. That side of the family wants nothing to do with me none. Loosing 3 kids in one year is just...
Meanwhile in counselling - my therapist had turned my sessions into relationship counselling... she wouldn't focus on my grief or trying to cope with the loss. I had tried switching but was denied. I quite for awhile but went back once the trail was settled. She still wouldn't get off the relationship thing, with the help of my CPS casework and a list of questions I knew she'd ask I finally got free of her. When the caseworker questioned her about the questions she was asking the therapist tried telling her I was crazy. The caseworker took it to court and had them order a sanity test for me. It was long but proved the point that I wasn't crazy and the therapist was, ending my battle once and for all with CPS.
Not long after I moved to another country to start a new life. I had left my daughter behind in order to set up a home to bring her to. It really just didn't go how we wanted and my husband and I were rather clueless to this immigration thing. It took years but we did it and brought her over. My sister had moved back into the area after I left and found a new target in my daughter, she's moved to the other side of the country before I left. I found out about the mental/emotional/ sometimes physical abuse during a visit - my daughter hid it all from me and my parents, but once she was safe she let us know. My sister spiraled out of control once her targets were gone and tried multiple times to get to us through family. She's been cut off from us with full support of everyone else.
When the schools over here failed my daughter I made the tough decision to send my daughter to live with my dad - who was divorced from mom by this time thanks to that witch and living no where near my sister.
Life became a bit too much for me after that.
This is the short - short - short version of my life with a lot left out that I still can't deal with. More has happened since but I just can't go there at this point.
My biological father was abusive towards my mother and sister and neglected me. I'm pretty sure that's what sent my mom a bit off the deep end and I wouldn't be surprised if she had PTSD herself - I'm sure having trying to get a dying baby to a hospital while living in a foreign country would do it to the best of moms, but she was just 19. A neighbor rushed home and got her to the hospital with me - I had double pneumonia complicated by fever seizures but by the time I got there I was unresponsive and floppy.
My sister (she older by 11 months) is just nuts - after I cut off all contact with her she finally went to see a shrink - she's a paranoid schizophrenic. My mom remarried and they did try to get some help (they had her committed twice by the time she was 14) but they didn't get the help they needed, rather the shrinks turned their attentions towards me. I was probably suffering PTSD at that point in life from all the crap I had to deal with from her. My mom was openly partial to my sister before she married my dad to make up for me being my real father's favorite and her being abused. My sister's jealousy of his favoritism is over the top.
Highlights of life with that %^&$#@ -
She blocked me from being advanced in school as the older sister should be in a higher grade.
She ironed my leg - seriously. I was scarred for life (father wouldn't take me to a hospital)
She pushed me in the deep end of a pool when she thought no one was watching. I couldn't swim.
She managed to convince my mom I was faking a stomach ache - my dad didn't listen to her thank god - he checked on me and promptly rushed me to the ER, they sent me to surgery where some nice doctors cleaned the remains of my appendix out of my gut.
When I went in labor with my first child she stayed glued to me the whole time trying to convince everyone I wasn't in labor - when that failed she tried to tell me I should stop complaining, I didn't know what real labor was. I was crowning. Karma got her back for me on that one - when she went into labor with her first child 2 months later - it last over 24 hours! Boo-ya!
Pretty sure this all set me up to fail by the time my daughter died.
My eldest daughter was murdered by the guy I was dating at the time. He offered to watch my girls until I could get a new daycare sorted out. I talked to his friends and family and when everything came back with great recommendations I let him watch them. Not long after (a couple days maybe?) my daughter complained of a stomach ache as I was leaving for work. I asked her about it and if she needed of go to the doctor now or if she could wait till the next day (I worked nights). She wanted to go the next morning after I got off work. This is something that haunts me to this day - why didn't I just say screw work and take her right away??
I ended up getting sick at work, my players where concerned and got my managers to send me home. When I got home it was around or after midnight, not sure anymore - he told me my daughter slipped from the bath and hit her head but she seemed fine and was sleeping. I peeked through the door and everything looked ok, I was wobbly on my feet and he put me in bed saying it could wait till morning.
The next morning he woke me up and had my younger daughter with him. He said it was cold out side and since my older daughter was sick it would probably be best to picked up the insurance card from my dad and then come back for her - made since right? It was cold out and by the time I'd get back the dr. office would be open.
He waited for me to leave and rushed to a neighbor's to call 911.
To make a long story even shorter - by the time I got home the cops were every where with ambulances, firetrucks - the works. I got out of my car and was mobbed by my neighbors who where trying to protect me from the police. By this point, all I knew was she had another accident - the police grabbed me and stuck me in the back of a car. I was panicking. They wouldn't tell me anything at first. I begged and pleaded with them to tell me where my kids were, to take me to them but they just got mad. We were over half way to the station when the female screamed at me 'your daughter is dead!' I spent I don't know how long at the station being questioned, ignored and left wondering what happened. My dad came and the released me and the guy I was dating to my dad's custody.
Things went from bad to worse. I had to go to court to find out what happened to my younger daughter. It was there we found out my older daughter was murdered. My dad had a lawyer with him who requested custody of my younger daughter.
Psycho sister shows up and tried to take everything over - and I mean everything! I expressly told the funeral director I would be dressing my baby and doing her hair, my finally act of being her mom for god's sake! My sister made sure she got there first with her friends and had it all done by the time I got there. Since it had been done already they didn't let me go back. The wake was unreal - the guy showed up and I had to act like I was still his girlfriend because the police feared he'd pull a runner. I am surprised I survived - all the well meaning people with pills for me and I took hem all.
The only day we could get for the funeral landed on my niece's birthday. My evil sister organised a birthday party for her so the family who'd come for the funeral could celebrate with her. As soon as we got home it was straight into the birthday party. I was guilt tripped into attending as it wasn't fair to my niece and I was being selfish. A few days later I tried to ignore my own birthday. I turned 22.
Dealing with CPS and the courts were a nightmare. The judge was nice but he listened to them. First they requested I be court ordered to grief therapy - good idea and parenting classes. Apparently I didn't discipline my kids enough so therefore I was a danger to my daughter and would only be allowed supervised visits.
Everyone agreed with the first part - no one understood the second.
I did the parenting classes and went to counselling. My parents won custody but my daughter was on CPS books and since I couldn't be left alone with her they had to hire a babysitter. The babysitter grew attached to my daughter quickly and became jealousy of me. She took to waiting till my mom left for work and would take off with my daughter. I protested this to my parents and the looked into it - they found out she was going around passing my daughter off as hers. She is probably the one who started the CPS adoption thing as not long after the case worker showed up asking us about the adoption. It was a real WTF moment. We had many rounds with CPS until we got a caseworker with a heart. I can never thank her enough.
5 months after my daughter died I found out I was pregnant by that SOB. It was not a pleasant place to be. I will never blame the baby - but I can't say it did me any favors. My mom got it in her head adoption would be best and I didn't have the energy to say anything. After I had her I crashed, my iron levels dropped and I lost way too much blood. The morning after I finally came to covered in bruises and IVs - my first visitors were from the adoption center my mom picked out. I told them to go away - they kept pushing me to sign. When I told them I was keeping the baby - they pointed out my mom wanted this and so that's how it should be. I got kinda (very) rude after that.
I had support from my dad on this one, but even after I told my mom there would be no adoption she went off and told her cousin about it all. Mom had a brilliant idea that my cousin should adopted - she tells me about this great plan and I just couldn't say no to a cousin with 2 sons who wouldn't live to see 20. That side of the family wants nothing to do with me none. Loosing 3 kids in one year is just...
Meanwhile in counselling - my therapist had turned my sessions into relationship counselling... she wouldn't focus on my grief or trying to cope with the loss. I had tried switching but was denied. I quite for awhile but went back once the trail was settled. She still wouldn't get off the relationship thing, with the help of my CPS casework and a list of questions I knew she'd ask I finally got free of her. When the caseworker questioned her about the questions she was asking the therapist tried telling her I was crazy. The caseworker took it to court and had them order a sanity test for me. It was long but proved the point that I wasn't crazy and the therapist was, ending my battle once and for all with CPS.
Not long after I moved to another country to start a new life. I had left my daughter behind in order to set up a home to bring her to. It really just didn't go how we wanted and my husband and I were rather clueless to this immigration thing. It took years but we did it and brought her over. My sister had moved back into the area after I left and found a new target in my daughter, she's moved to the other side of the country before I left. I found out about the mental/emotional/ sometimes physical abuse during a visit - my daughter hid it all from me and my parents, but once she was safe she let us know. My sister spiraled out of control once her targets were gone and tried multiple times to get to us through family. She's been cut off from us with full support of everyone else.
When the schools over here failed my daughter I made the tough decision to send my daughter to live with my dad - who was divorced from mom by this time thanks to that witch and living no where near my sister.
Life became a bit too much for me after that.
This is the short - short - short version of my life with a lot left out that I still can't deal with. More has happened since but I just can't go there at this point.
Last edited by a moderator:
