Sufferer A Little About Me

[Survivor21]

Hi, I've been reading through this forum for a while now and decided to join. Don't know what to expect.

Here's a little about me. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2014 because of 28 years of abuse by 3 different perpetrators. I won't get into the specific details of the abuse because my head will just go crazy. I will start getting massive anxiety.

Sometimes I have really good days and some times I have really bad ones. The reason I decided to join this forum is because I had a flash back that made my head hurt and made me feel so sick. I haven't been able to function properly since. I've been so depressed. I've come here in hopes that someone will understand. No one seems to understand how this affects me.

My poor boyfriend puts up with my craziness and I feel like I push him away because I'm so scared of getting hurt again. When my PTSD is really bad, like it is right now, I say some things to him that upset him a lot. I tell him all the time I don't want to talk to him or see him anymore but I don't really mean it? I don't know, I'm so confused. I feel like I'm not making any sense. Maybe I say that to him because it scares me to love someone because the last person I loved was abusive.

I had a panic attack last night which he triggered unintentionally. He tries to understand but sometimes I feel like he doesn't get it. My mom on the other hand, gets so upset when I want space. I want space from the whole world when I'm triggered.

I am so scared writing this right now. My anxiety is so bad.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

 

[SeanCharles]

Nice start! :) Anxiety is definitely familiar to me in so many ways. I am :sorry: you have to deal with that and the panic attacks. May you find comfort here! :)

 

[Enaila]

Welcome to the community. There are some great articles on PTSD on the home page as well as a whole section for supporters as well as sufferers. Reading some of the threads in the forums has helped me understand how to handle triggers and flashbacks.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum. :hug:

 

[Freedomfighter]

Yep, I get those monstrous anxiety attacks too, everything starts spinning, my head hurts and the fear is palpable all around me. It is a terrible feeling to go through that, I know exactly how you feel. It is as if there is someone at your throat cutting off your air supply, your chest starts to get heavy and hurts, your movements get uncoordinated, welcome to the wonderful world of PTSD.

I am in one of my worst times with this since I contracted PTSD, and every time I get more and more afraid, it is like an avalanche and I do not know how to stop it. I wish there were an easy way to ease out of an anxiety attack, gently.

I do know one thing: I deserve a lot better than people think they can give me. I will simply not give in to others who enjoy to torture me, done with that. One thing that I have learned is that predators mess you up severely, such as the stalkers who, even though they have never stepped into my place, have tortured my mind for the past six years. It is outright amazing what a cunning predator can make you, the victim, believe is happening. I have a very cunning grown man as a predator who is proving that the boy predator I was forced to deal with was nothing compared to this monster that is just not wanting to let go of me, me that he never had, me that he cunned into believing that he was a victim.

I am just aghast about all of the things this monster is capable of, speechless.

 

[aut555]

Please feel welcomed here, and expect kindness and understanding to help when you need it.

 

[aut555]

@Freedomfighter really shocked to hear this. May you be free of this predator somehow.