Relationship A Little Broken Hearted.

[Sarah_1990]

Hello everybody.

I have written about this previously, but I am feeling a bit down.

My ex who has pushed me away, has completely pushed me out of his life.

He saw me last weekend. The love was still there. He tried to be unaffectionate, but he physically said to me that he was trying to fight his willpower. When I asked if he loved me, he said that of course he did. We even had sex. The way he looked at me still held all the passion as well. He held me super tight and and nuzzled me and things were looking up, or so I thought.

Ever since then, he has been flooding me with "I am not in love with you any more. I need you to move on and live your life without me. I do not know what changed, but something has. You deserve to be happy. Move on." And we talked a little about his disorder and his way of coping but now he does not talk to me AT ALL.

I really am at a loss...

 

[dms]

Sorry!

 

[Sarah_1990]

I do not know what to do!

 

[rightkindofme]

Move on. And stop sleeping with him. He's using you and treating you like crap. Who cares if he has PTSD? That behavior isn't ok. You don't deserve to be treated that way. I'm really sorry. :(

 

[Sarah_1990]

I do not believe he is using me at all. He is not that kind of person and has the kindest heart. Although I can totally see why you are thinking that way. Please look at my other posts for the full story about him. It is the one entitled something like "marine vet pushed me away and I do not know how to get him back."

 

[rightkindofme]

I read it. I'm worried about you.

 

[sisu]

Sarah,

I met my sufferer almost 6 years ago. When we met it was amazing - an instant attraction and connection. We quickly became exclusive and dated for about a year and were so in love. We talked about a future together and I fell for that dream. In that time he told me about his PTSD (his is from combat) and I knew he was taking meds and getting some therapy, so I didn't really think too much about it. Also the fact that he really showed very few symptoms helped to alleviate my fears. I didn't know much about PTSD and I didn't really try to learn. After about 11 months of dating a switch flipped in him and he was gone. Not much explanation other than I deserve much better than him, blah-blah-blah. All the same stuff you've probably heard. Anyway, I tried to maintain contact for about a month off and on - cards, email & voicemails (he didn't really text at the time). After no response from him I finally got the hint - also during this time I was also learning and reading as much as I could about PTSD. (I wish I would have done that sooner!)

We did not speak, write, nothing, no contact at all for 2 years. I had moved on, he had moved on and I truly thought he was just a fond memory. Then by chance we ran into each other, all those same feelings seemed to be there for both of us. We slowly started dating again - very slow at first. We became exclusive after about 4 months and have been happily together for 3 years now.

In time apart I continued to learn as much as I could about PTSD (although I am not sure why) and he continued his meds and therapy. When we got back together I understood much more and applied what I learned to our life. In any relationship trust is a foundation - I believe people with PSTD require a "super trust" in relationships. They have to feel safe enough to share some dark thoughts and drop those walls of protection enough feel vulnerable so they can allow themselves to be loved. I think the loving another is easy for them - it’s the allowing themselves to be loved that is hard.

So what I am saying here is this.....move on with your life ~ do amazing things, travel to amazing places, meet amazing people. YOU deserve happiness and a wonderful life. If in time he comes back to you, you will both be in a better place for each other. Right now he is not ready for a loving relationship and the more you push him the more he will push back and push you away. He needs the space and so do you.

Take care of yourself!

 

[Kkdawn]

Sarah, I agree with sisu. I was pushed away for months and had to take a step back and look out for myself. I realize now his pushing me away had nothing to do with me. He needed time and I was being selfish by trying to make him be in a relationship he wasn't able to be in. I ignored the times he told me to live my life and that I deserved more than he could give me. Listen to what he's actually saying. If he truly loves you and you are meant to be together then you will be. If you meet someone else that treats you great then you weren't meant to be with him. Good luck.