A... Positive(?) Outburst

[GhostedGirl]

I recently did something that I've never done before. I'm not a big drinker, and when I am, I have always been a happy, affectionate, fun drunk. Recently I started dating a new man- whom I like very much. He's very kind, gentle and soft spoken- not the type of guy I would usually go for (<-- I'm divorced now).

So we were driving back to my house and he parked the car- I am really REALLY drunk. Far more than I have been I think ever. And I don't remember what happened but I just launched into this... I don't know what.

I remember I started by saying, "You can't trust people, you know." then I rambled a while about how depending on people was never a good idea and you need to be independent because people will f*ck you over.

I startled to sniffle a bit and he made the mistake of patting me on the back and saying, "It's okay- just let it out." Poor guy...

"You can't f*cking trust anyone!! Everyone is out for themselves, they say they care but it's BULLSHIT. Don't f*ck with me, (name), don't you ever EVER f*ck me over because I swear to God I will leave you and I will never look back! I will forget you, (name)- FOREVER. DON'T YOU EVER f*ck WITH ME!!" I said this all while sobbing and drunkenly reeling my fist back as if to punch him in the face.

He finally got me calmed down, he helped me inside and once he got me in my pajamas I just launched into my entire horrible past. My insane family, running away, my truama- everything. I must have cried on him for 2 hours straight (I've been dating this poor guy for about 4 weeks) After that I remember him putting on music and dancing with me to cheer me up. It totally worked. In the morning I was really embarrassed, but he was still there. He said he was happy I had finally opened up to him- and that he felt like he understood me on a much deeper level now.

Despite being so upset- I actually feel a lot better. I put up a tough front to... well just about everyone. I think I was starting to trust him and it scared me. So I think all in all it was a positive- albeit embarrassing -experience.

 

[Zef]

Sounds like a very positive event. The embarrassment is a normal thing, well, at least, I can say that I feel the same way after an outburst. (NOTE: drunk Facebooking is a very, very bad thing :) ) Sounds like the guy is truly interested and cares about you and I hope things go well in the future for both of you.

Thank you for posting this.

 

[freakofnurture]

I'm happy you feel good about opening up and I'm not really comfortable with being a kill-joy here but...

Somehow your story makes a ton of red flags go up o.o Be careful. If something looks too good to be true, it likely is. Keep your eyes open for all signs of manipulation and abuse. You deserve to look after yourself.

 

[GhostedGirl]

freakofnurture, thanks for you concern- no matter how trustworthy someone seems I am always on the look out for abuse and power struggles. It's something I've become very aware of in my relationships. :)

<Edited - removed full quote of post above.>

 

[Tinyflame]

I think the fact you were honest was great, I think the 'dancing' shows he knows you well, but I think it could have been a very difficult position, to be frank lucky he wasn't a rapist (or worse) type, I've had to fight off more than that. Just my experience, of course.

Do you think it was reckless? Not so much the disclosure, but the fact you put yourself in a vulnerable position?

 

[doglover]

I'm glad you feel better about this - and I also second what the others are saying. Take care.

Here we are encouraging you to be suspicious of people, heh. Stay safe. Is it possible to run a background check on him? I've done that before - I was SOOOOO embarrassed to ask (a loved one insisted) but the guy was incredibly cool about it. The reaction to the request for a background check speaks volumes, maybe even more than what the check reveals.

I am glad you feel like opening up worked out well for you. I know what it is like to have a love/hate relationship with trust. I hope this new connection in your life flows safely and beautifully :)

 

[GhostedGirl]

You're all extremely kind to be so concerned! :) The truth is I've known him for a long time- since high school. But he was always very shy and never made a move until well- I did! He's also well known to my trusted friends.

Do I think it was reckless? Well, I think when you drink you're always putting a certain amount of trust in the people you're with. And ultimately I think that's what really set me off in the first place. I trust him, I trust him enough to get incredibly drunk and need to rely on him for assistance. And I was really conflicted about it. I don't... I don't like relying on other people. I'm not a trusting person and letting people in the extremely small circle of those I trust is... well it scares me. But on the other hand I don't think my mindset is healthy.

As a bit of an update, I was pleased that any mention of drinking, or "going out for a beer" has been met with him saying, "Is that okay?" or "Are you comfortable with that?" which made me feel better.

 

[jibber]

I think opening up and releasing all that was positive (aside from the possible hangover the next morning). The last real honest conversation I had with one of my supporter friends was when we were in a bar on a tuesday night. After a few drinks we ended up sitting at our table in a near empty bar close to closing time both crying while I stammered on about how now matter how much support I had I still felt like I was alone and had only myself to rely on. He was incredibly supportive, cried with me, told me to shut up when I apologized for crying, then bought me some pizza and a bottle of water and got me safely in a cab. I don't open up easily and like you I really don't like relying on others, so sometimes a few drinks is good for me to actually be able to open up to the people I really trust and who really want to help me with this.