A Small Miracle - Maybe Hope Exists Afterall?

[piglet]

Very excited. Today I actually managed to do some marking AND spend some time in the sunshine reading a book. Only read a few pages at a time, but I did it. What's more, I actually felt properly relaxed for the first time since....well I can't remember - but a long time!!! Wow!

I even felt my old enthusiastic self working with the students doing animal duties today and actually enjoyed it instead of just trying to get through it. It felt great. Maybe there is hope after all?

Of course, it could just be the denial thing again, but I don't think so. I usually feel a bit hyper in denial mode, whereas I truly felt relaxed at odd moments today.

The next 5 weeks are going to be sheer hell at work cos it's deadline time for the students and everyone will be in panic mode marking and getting grades sorted. I really hope I get a couple more days like today thrown in through the next few weeks, and maybe I'll make it through without burning myself out. Therapy starts properly on Friday, so it will be a hard road for a while.

I'm glad for today though and that is great! :thumbs-up

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Yay Piglet!
I'm glad you were able to feel relaxed (even if it was for a short time)
You are getting better... you've been diagnosed, so now you know what you are dealing with.
From Anthony's and Kerrie's promises... we can see that people with PTSD can lead a healthy life if they are willing to put in the work.

 

[piglet]

Thanks YA - and good luck with the med changes. Had a bad night nightmare-wise, but currently feeling stronger somehow, so it's not got me down as much as usual. I like this feeling, but can't help worrying about it ending!!! Definitely need to live in the now!

 

[YoungAndAngry]

I like this feeling, but can't help worrying about it ending!!!

Just try to enjoy it as much as you can!
When you are hurten you can look back and see that there were some good days!

Yeah, med changes or adjustments can be very tricky
... it sucks

 

[Deleted member 3]

Yay for you piglet. Small success but big win really. Probably is scary when you can't remember what relaxation feels like. Enjoy the moment for what it is..........I hope there are many more to come for you.

 

[anthony]

Good stuff Piglet, bloody well done. I was hoping you would start to see something like this from your recent bout of opening up and moving past denial in some aspects, which is a big stepping stone for recovery. It is one day at a time, and don't beat yourself up over bad days, because your going to have a lot more of them yet, but they slowly get fewer and further between the more you open up and get your trauma out of you. Yes, near everytime you get another trauma off your chest, you will get worst, near guaranteed actually, but then suddenly things begin getting better again within a few days, week or month, and you never really get those same burning feelings that you once had when all your traumas where tucked away safe and sound inside, destroying you each day at a time (that is reality and fact).

Good stuff Piglet, and keep pushing yourself through denial, to what is fact, from fantasy, and myth from reality. The more realistic you become, and the more honest you become about yourself and your trauma, the better your life becomes.

It took me a few years, but I am well and truly on the other side now... and plenty of others are also. I won't lie though, as even when on the other side of PTSD, it is still present, and if you push yourself harder than your mind or body can take with PTSD, it will rise above and shut you down again, though recovery is pretty quick once most of the bad stuff is gone.

It truly does get easier, but you have to push yourself and push yourself past denial, and past your traumas. Great news that your counselling begins, so you can start getting all your demons out face to face with your counsellor.

I will say Piglet... that when you are counselled, don't hold back, don't keep pieces of the puzzle to yourself, and let your body just break if needs be to get it all out of you once and for all, so you can begin the healing process.

Bloody well done again though, and you are now setting yourself a standard, which says, "you are going to push yourself through this and get out of denial."