Childhood ?abuse by cousin


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So I grew up in a pretty neglectful/abusive family but I've got quite a lot of cousins and the cousin I'm on about I spent a weekend a month with from when I remember until I started refusing at about 10.

So for context he was later arrested for torturing and killing animals. He had an older brother who would make me stay with him when he was home and forbid me from going to hang with my brothers and his brother. The cousin in question has also been accused of raping an older cousin (of mine, younger than him) when she was 13.

I've had a lot of therapy and this didnt even come up until now. And overall my whole family was pretty feral with no adult guidance so I have a hard time distinguishing the broken noses my brothers and I doled out to each other in anger with the more methodical shit that I'm on about here. If we can count broken noses as the norm in sibling rivalry for a second.

But he used to tie up the girls and say his tarantula was going to bite and kill them. Or hed throw them around. Or pinch them or whatever. I'm basically confused. I can see that as abusive actions. But why is it coming up now? Or is it even worse than (some) non abusive sibling rivalry type stuff?

I've dealt with so much of my childhood and adulthood stuff that I was reminded about this in the past week by a family member and I'm just not feeling like I have the energy for it to keep playing in my head. I've done my time in therapy thank you.

So yeah. Give me whatever you got. But my tired brain would really appreciate it if you normalised it so I dont have to think about it anymore.