Abuser Strikes Again I Guess I Really Am Helpless

[Stickler]

@Wondering_Loner remember you are a brainwashing/mind control victim to some degree.
Those of us who grew up in severely abusive homes were not usually part of a formal brainwashing process? However? We were indoctrinated into learned helplessness:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

...It is hard to recover from learned helplessness. It helps to know it's a lie that was imposed on you from outside. It helps to know what it is.
Doing little things to buck the learned helplessness can lead to bigger ones.
...For instance, it sounds like one of your dad's regular, informal, programming phrases was " you do not deserve to be happy"? So...
I advise you to do something small, inexpensive or free, to make yourself happy...every day.

You see, the money is really not the issue at all. It's the learned helplessness. Training yourself out of that is vital.

Getting the money? Not as vital. If you are motivated and creative, you can figure out how to make more money.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Ok.
This is my suggestion, and you may not like it:

Cancel your plans to study in Europe entirely, co...

A little extreme, but may be needed. You need your freedom from under him. So go do something that does not involve him. Even if it's not the best option- at least you'll be free, and you'll be able to rebuild yourself a little. If you end up getting the trust in a year after all, great, but don't do anything that makes you depend on it right now. That sounds like a toxic situation, and the best thing for you would be to leave it.

I think it's in your best interest to get out from under his control. You know he has power over you and you know he's abusive (and I'm guessing unlikely to change).

THIS.

 

[cat-lady]

You can live off of nothing but student loans if you budget well enough. If you make sure to study something that will get you a stable job that won't interfere too much with your ptsd you will be ok financially after you graduate. If you can get control of the trust that would be great but you still have a path to freedom if you don't get control of the trust. I'm living off of government student loans right now. Also, would it be possible for you to file for disability? Someone I was in a support group with once was living off disability and going to school at the same time. Good luck with it!

 

[Wondering_Loner]

Just an update. I got another meeting with the consulate. Hopefully he'll let me work right away. One of the accountants in charge is sick of the cycle too and told me he's closing the whole thing. I don't know what will happen with Dad. This came out of the blue given the fight prior. Dad might sabotage it again. I'm still going abroad no matter what. The prices and wages are too insane in the states compared to abroad. Its irresponsible to remain here. The schools will arrange work too. Therapy is practically free.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm with @Stickler. Screw the trust fund, stop depending on your family for anything, and start living your life. Independence is beautiful.

 

[hodge]

Sounds like you've done your research, WL. I support your decision. I know that medical care in France anyway is incredible. My stepdaughter lived and worked there for a few years. She had to have her wisdom teeth pulled while she was there and it cost her nothing.

I wish you the best.

 

[Stickler]

If you can get work and scholarships in France? Then that would be excellent.
They are known to have the best healthcare in the world.

I just was not thinking that getting a job and getting money for college as an international student would be that easy.
If I am incorrect?
Then going to France is ABSOLUTELY the right thing to do! Get thee hence!

Closing the whole trust... as in simply handing you the money?
:)
*crosses fingers*

I HOPE for that, I advise not ever counting on getting that money.
Just act pathetic so long as your dad has any influence over you.
Maybe even afterward.

I don't know what legal stuff he's capable of.

I'd try to get a psychiatric evaluation in France that attests to your legal competency...hey, you can get it for free, right?
Just...he's an evil bastard with a lot of money.
Taking preparedness to an extreme may be good here.

I may or may not KNOW precisely what's right to do. I do mean you well. I want your happiness and freedom.
You deserve happiness and freedom from emotional terrorism.

If France does not work out, I have given you a possible backup plan. Germany has free college, if you either know or can learn German, so that might be plan C.
There are multiple escape routes.
...If mechanical engineering is your thing, there are companies that will pay you to go through college/apprentice in Scotland, provided you contract to work for them.
I imagine Siemens will do the same.
If you are mechanically inclined there ARE things you can do that pay outrageously well...servicing windmills in west Texas for Siemens starts at $42,000. Hard, dangerous work, but you get to do it in gorgeous surroundings.
Lots of escape routes.

...You may feel helpless, but feelings are not facts. :) :hug:

 

[hodge]

Yes, Germany is another good option. I'm not great with other languages, but German was fairly easy to get a grasp on. So close to English. The worst part is learning so many words and a few different grammatical adjustments. French is notoriously more difficult for native English speakers. But wherever you decide to go, I can assure you that learning the language will be much easier if you are among the native speakers. Best wishes for you :hug:s

 

[Wondering_Loner]

Ok so they said they said no and a few days later the money showed up in my account. I landed in France and have been adjusting ok, but the excitement of a new place is beginning to come off a little and so my other issues are coming up again. Depression without knowing why etc. Unfortunately we had a test and bad memories just kept playing in my head and so I did poorly.

I will have to go back to the states to get my work visas, but there are worse things in the world. I'm on my own so if I can get out of this hole I'll be a healthier person.

 

[cat-lady]

That's wonderful you got to France and got the money in your account! Good luck with school!