Acceptance vs. Resignation

[Tinyflame]

Mercy,

Yes- that is a good point, in terms of "healing"/ accepting memories I think (for me) sometimes resignation is exactly the starting point necessary to break through the denial.

Your quote, "..compliance.. is true life-protecting resignation" under some circumstances I believe is so very true! Before you can begin any where near to "healing a trauma", you have to find a way to survive and get out of it/ away from it, first!

 

[patrick]

Cragger (Dave)

I was just wondering about the difference myself a few days ago. After nearly 40 years of denial have I accepted that I have PTSD, or am I resigned to it? Right now, I think admitted is probably the best word for where I am, though I still make some people mad when I say stuff like, "What I went through was nothing compared to a lot of guys," or "I don't have nightmares, flashbacks, dissociation or any of those things anymore; so how can it be PTSD?"

I've really enjoyed looking at your various posts. And poetry, too.

Pat

 

[jeapea]

Acceptance is something I give. Acknowledge. Come to terms with through understanding.

Resignation is a thing I am forced to accept. Something I cannot change.

 

[cragger65]

That's a very good point Patrick, "admitted" is a good place to start. That's where I am now, too. I guess acceptance/resignation is what you do next.

Jps, I think that's the best descriptions I've heard so far. Especially "Come to terms with through understanding" seems very key. Thank you.

 

[Mercy]

I guess my thinking is still a bit off the main road.

Resign is something you do when you percieve that the job or situation you are in is not good for you. So you take a proactive stance and walk away. Resignation is like the freedom to hand in your walking papers and leave. For Ptsd, I guess it would mean recognizing my triggers and what influence they have on me. Then, I can resign from the captive victim stance. Enduring each ptsd storm as it arises (and they will) and resolutely picking myself up again and again, resolving to be my own self not defined by ptsd, affected even handicapped by it but not caving in.

Acceptance is something I fight in a generalized and in aparticular way. I think acceptance is numbing and a refusal to seek justice, not from your perps but from a society that allows abuse to go on.There would be no little girls in Thailand for sale if men from the US and Europe didn't take sex vacations there. I do not accept that!

There would be no child porn on the internet if there weren't people who buy it. I do not accept kiddy porn as innocent posturing. Take it from, I've been there. The actions are real.

I do not accept that injured people are less valuable than 'healthy ones'. I do not accept that career or wealth make one person better than any other person.

I do not accept whitewashed news reports that give only a sentance or two for some murdered child without defining what abuse and degradation that child went through. If he/she was rescued before they died, then tell us what is happening for them. I do not accept that these injured children should just disappear.

I do not accept evil in all its disguises, greed, sexual gluttony to name a few.

I understand the other posts and recognize that most people see acceptance as a good thing. I can recognize the whole truth of my abuse. I resign my role. I can understand that folks see resignation as giving up. It just doesn't work that way for me...

Oh, dear. There I go marching off to a different drummer again.

 

[Tinyflame]

No Mercy- I think that is an excellent response and a great example of thinking "outside of the box"..

In fact, I think it really drives home for me the question of "what" do I accept or not. I DO accept the positives- for example, I am trying to learn how to "accept" help; but I agree- I do not accept injustice, harm to others in any name, etc., either.

What I like about your response is that it encourages me to view this from a different angle, and when I get too rigid in my thinking my brain shuts down and doesn't think from another perspective- usually the one I probably need the most!

 

[Moonshadow]

To me, "acceptance" pertains to something that you willingly agree to. As in, "I accept your invitation", or "I accept your help". I never willingly agreed to any of the awful things that happened to me. I do not accept PTSD. I am burdened with PTSD. I suffer from PTSD. And yes, I am resigned to PTSD, but I do not accept it.

I realize that I cannot change the reality of my condition. I am resigned to it. I take actions to try to mitigate my suffering, but I know there is no escape from this life sentence. It's like I'm chained to a monster. I might be able to add some extra links to the chain, and move a little farther away from the beast, but it inevitably yanks me back, and proceeds to beat the crap out of me....over and over again. I do not accept that I am shackled to this monster, as I never agreed to it, but I am resigned to it, as I know it is something I cannot change.

That being said, if you look at the actual definitions of the words, they are largely synonymous. Of course, "submission" or "surrender" could also be synonyms to these words, and I will never submit, never surrender. I will continue to fight the monster. Until my last breath, I will fight it.

 

[cragger65]

To clarify this point I have to say that from my own perspective, acceptance is "The mental attitude that something is believable and should be accepted as true". In other words, not trying to alter it in any way, or avoid it (as with denial). Another way of putting this would be to "recognise" the reality of something, without trying to dispute it. The purpose, of course being, that once you accept the reality of something, you can now formulate a more effective and realistic plan for addressing it. There is absolutely no reference to "approval" of something in this context, simply recognition of reality.

As for resignation (again, in the way it was intended by me originally) it would go hand in hand with a sense of "what's the point in trying?".

This has been an interesting thread for me, I really can appreciate you guys' alternate point of view on that. However it is interpreted, I think the important thing to recognize is that we CAN do something, and not to give up. That is what holds meaning for me.

 

[jeapea]

For me.....

To accept a thing does not have to include agreement with the truth of it.

Resigning yourself to acceptance leaves room for disagreement. Being in a state of disagreement with the reality, does not change the reality.

 

[fin]

cragger65
your post makes sense to me yes.
I really like how you have written about the acceptance of yourself...(I cant remember the exact words and if I try to read above at the moment I have the tendency to loose what I am writing now)...
I have never been able to accept myself properly.
There have been a couple fo things I liked about me...but these things that I thought ok seemed to be weaknesses that have been a door for abusers so I began to hate my positives point, am not sure at the moment but think this is something I need to greatly work on myself.
I dont know that it is shirking responsibility for your own feelings but perhaps coming down harder on yourself. Everyone has the capacity for being a "miserable shit" the very fact that you are seeing it differently now means change. I dont know what to call it-maybe a wall? Maybe at the time that stopped you going forward to accepting yourself
I really like the way so many people have written about accepting themselves...its not a "resignation"of I suppose i have to be this. But some seems to be a peaceful acceptance with what seems like kindness. And I think that has to be positive and healthy, a kind acceptance of ourselves.
I like writing that..."ourselves" I feel soo much less alone at the moment here.

 

[cragger65]

This is a wise take on it. I missed this somehow the first time around.

Thank you for that

I think acceptance and resignation are the same animal, only one is a bit wiser: acceptance. I "accept" after deep reflexion whereas, i "resign" by gut feeling.

 

[cragger65]

Fin, I'm glad you can feel less alone here. The "peaceful acceptance with what seems like kindness" is definately something I am going to go for.