Accepting The Bad And The Good

[Chem Lady]

Over the last few years my abusive mother has been improving. She has been putting effort into loving me and caring about me. She also hasn't been mean or dismissing in quite awhile (although I try not to give her fodder for that anymore). I have not jumped on the band wagon. I've kept my emotional distance while saying "it's nice that she's trying".
The thing is, all through life, not everything was terrible. She did some good things. Early in my life there were quite a few good things and then there were way less good things for 20 years or so. I find myself struggling to allow myself to accept the good things that she did. I just don't know how to deal with the juxtaposition of all the terrible things and the few good ones spread throughout... so I just don't think about them. However, I don't think this is the best thing I could be doing.
What do you do, mentally, with good memories from your abuser?

 

[aut555]

People change as they age. Maybe she wants you back in her life and reflected on how she treated you. It's ok to let her back in, you can always slam the door shut if boundaries are crossed. Family dynamics are such a complex thing so to understand where you are with her maybe impossible. If you broach the subject of her poor treatment of you, does she show interest? That is a good sign that she is trying to reach out to you.