General Activities/distractions

[Carmen Leung]

Hello there, I am new to MyPTSD. I found this site by searching for resources to find folks, who might be able to assist and guide me as I try to find a better understanding to the world of PTSD.

Now, please bare with me - I am not too familiar with the terminology but I will do my best to use the correct wording. My boyfriend served in the Marine Corps 2/5 for 4 years (sorry if I got the wording wrong). I am honored that he has shared with me the memories and stories of him and his brothers. He has vaguely mentions experiencing certain events that he does not go into detail about or ever even talk about, and I respect his privacy and I never try to pry. I learn as much as he will choose to share with me.

He has used the phrase, "There are simply some things that you can never take back." I am not too sure if I will ever know the story or stories behind this. In addition, he had lost brothers whom he feels responsible for. From time to time, he will experience mood changes - some that he will inform me about and some that he will not mention because he doesn't want to burden me.

We have been together for a year now and I have never felt more committed and connected to a person like this before. It saddens me when he cannot block out these events and I truly wish I could take his pain away. I feel helpless when there is nothing I can do to ease his stress, which is why I am here.

It is not that I want to fix him, but I do want to know how supporters successfully support their loved ones who have PTSD. What are some activities/distractions/hobbies that have worked, whether you are someone diagnosed with PTSD or a supporter. We are very into video games, board games, and movies, but I am looking for activities that differ from that - ones that clear the mind.

I have thought of a few ideas but I don't want my boyfriend to think I am "babying" him either. I want to present these ideas as a "Hey, I know it's been rough these last couple of days, but let's go do something." with sounding like there is something wrong with him or anything like that. Is it better to just let him experience his stress and listen? I just don't know what to do.

I am sorry that this post is super long. I hope I didn't offend anyone with this post; if I did, I apologize. I'm just looking for some help here. Thank you.

 

[RussH]

Carmen, welcome to the forum. You have a very positive attitude, and that will help a lot.

There are many good resources here on the forum, and there is an area specifically for military. If you read through that; it will have a lot of good information for you.

The biggest resourse here is the people. So feel free to read post and write post. Ask questions and get connected with the people here, you will find good friends, and great support.

Is your boyfriend in therapy? If not, it is something that will help him.

Blessings to you.

 

[ghotiff]

There was a hobbies thread just recently. Maybe you'll find some ideas there. :)

 

[Justmehere]

Hey, welcome to the forum!

The mind is just part of the battle. PTSD is stored in the body. My mind can tell me I'm safe, but my body will often still be jumpy and in fight or flight mode.

Sometimes a physical activity will do wonders to help my body shift out of a state with a lot of PTSD symptoms. It can ease the weight of depression, or decrease anxiety. It's also hard to be motivated to do sometimes. I take classes on different sports to keep me motivated.

If he doesn't want to do a specific suggestion, don't take it personally. Keep listening to what he says works for him and what doesn't.

Listening in general is actually more helpful than most supporters realize. It does take great strength to listen to the pain of a loved one and to not try to fix it. It sounds like you already do a lot of that - it's excellent. Don't underestimate how much that really does help.

 

[Carmen Leung]

Thank you for your ideas, responses, and suggestions everyone! He had been to therapy but for different reasons. I spoke to one of my professors, who is certified in bereavement and teaches a grief class, and she believes that he has not coped with the grieving process, so this could be the reason why he has these moments. For him, it's all cognitive grieving, so there is not much I can do if he doesn't want to talk about it, which is fine too. Her suggestion was a grief counselor to help him work through these stressful events, but even bringing that up is like walking on egg shells. She told me to wait for his cues, rather than approaching him about it randomly, so I'm going to wait for that moment again.

I will also take a look at the hobbies and activities thread. Thank you again!