It is OK to repeat what I have already posted before. Yes, I was badly abused as a child and when my parents finally divorced when I was sixteen I made a vow to never hurt anyone ever in my life. I have kept that vow but unfortunately it hasn't been reciprocal. I left home at 16 because I was being played as a pawn by both parents. I spent some years living in some very bad circumstances, sometimes with whores and shooters. I never did that myself and finally joined the US Army so I had at least a decent place to live. It was there that I was given Hep C from an injection of immunoglobulin. IG is made from the blood of up to 10,000 people and the infection rate back then was about 33 percent. I got the IG twice so had no chance. That has just been treated and I am fully clear of Hep C as of two months ago. That is helping a lot and I am feeling far better. But, I still have symptoms of PTSD, in particular startling so very easily.
I also have another major problem and that is my memory. I have a special type of memory called Hyperthymesia. I cannot forget nearly every single day of my life with the exception of some I must be blocking, mostly about abuse. Having such a detailed and exact form of memory is very much a bad thing now. It is hard to explain just how accurate it is. I can not only remember what I ate last week but I can remember exactly how it was positioned on the plate and nearly the moves I made to eat it. It can go on like this for virtually anything I do in a day. I must be forgetting some of the past but not enough to forget anything bad that has ever happened and that is the big problem.
Undoubtedly, these recent events have fired up a lot of past events too. I know it has because I can very easily feel the severe loss I experienced when my family fell apart at 16. I was essentially homeless then and that is how I feel now as well. I am sure that some of the PTSD is a result of how I was treated when young. The recent events have just added to it and multiplied it a great deal. I do have enough money to live comfortably, that is not a problem. I just don't have a home any more. The house we had is sold and she doesn't not even want to communicate with me now. She is gone from my life and so is the home I had planned to die in from old age. I now have an apartment that keeps the rain off my head. The only really good thing I have is the church I go to and the very good people there. I am so lucky to have God by my side and those that also believe in him. At least God has answered some of my most important prayers and things are looking better now. Getting rid of the Hep C is by far the most important and best thing that has happened. My life is finally looking like it will be better in the future.