Advice for dealing with narcissist boss

[grit]

The list of her behavior could have been written by me a month ago!
I left the job but this what worked for me...also I am brought up by a mother like that so this disease is in my blood. My advise or experience or observation may work for you or not but I will share.
Accept everything she does cause you will never satisfy her. Never!
Her deep motivation is to dominate so you let believe that.
Never communicate with her or challenge her in front of others...maybe compliment her knowing you will be rebuffed by her.
Speak to her alone and do not stare into her eyes...be docile.
She may still fire you you have no control over her mood.
All you can check or change is yours. Have one person maybe therapist in your side.
You are not against a person...you are defending against madness - real Insanity.
No mater what, do not disrespect or try to beat her...just react opposite to the inertia if her internally.
Minimize focusing on her outside if work. This type of person takes over the mind cause they lack one.

Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Thought I'd report back:

Yesterday at work was calm, respectful, not-bullying... :eek:

Who knows if it will last for more than 24 hours, but it's a start.

I talked to the colleague that was fired last week (for made up, bully-logic reasons).

We agreed that (surprisingly!) this boss seems to need (and respect) major pushback.

Fired colleague and I have both known plenty of narcissist bullies over the years (who as @grit describes) just escalate and get even worse when you push back and set boundaries.

However, fired colleague *never* pushed back, and narcissist boss walked all over her.

I initially didn't push back either, assuming it was the wisest, most de-escalating decision, and I got walked all over too.

Pushing back on such massive bullying behaviour has felt very risky re probability of escalation...

But I'm in my 40s now and feeling "too old" to put up with crap like bullying narcissist bosses anymore.

So the risk was worth taking, cos I knew I wasn't going to stay at this job if it continues like this.

And very surprisingly, pushing back has (so far!) resulted in respect, not in escalation.

I'm betting there will be further chapters to this story... so see how it goes... :shifty:

Thank you for the help re analysing and processing this. It helped a lot.

Coping with a bully *while triggered and dysregulated* is just too challenging.

Much easier when re-regulated.

So thank you!

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I'm going to be offline from the forum for a while cos #reasons.
Need to deal with some stuff off the forum. Life is *complicated*... :P
Didn't want to leave this thread in mid-air tho... So thank you for now and I'll update it at a later point, as required.
:)

 

[Ellabella44]

Hoping all straightens out and goes well. I've been raised in similar environment and honestly wouldn't survive under such a boss. I've tried. I worked for a few weeks at a florist where the boss was constantly calling from the other store and yelling about me probably doing nothing again. (the one time he arrived at where I was didn't see me working was on my bleeping lunch break) it was around mothers day week and with orders coming there wasn't time to train me how they wanted things arranged. I manned the phones, processed credit cards , took walk ins etc while my supervisor did arrangements so they could go out. I wanted to curl in a ball on the floor. I don't know how anyone deals with bosses like this.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

So I've started at this job full-time now.

At the moment all I feel for this boss is hatred.

Not a very healthy emotion.

Right now, I have no idea how to turn that into something more constructive that doesn't just feel like I'm being fake/ pretending to be fine/ dismissing and ignoring how I feel.

 

[grit]

Who will think you are fake/pretending to be fine or dismissive bit ignoring how you feel?
You can make a goal for yourself and be the judge for yourself about the situation.

Now it sounds like you are externalizing your thoughts to outside source.
No one knows what you need more than you in this situation.