Advice Please

[Chrissy kilby]

Today I am really nervous and anxious. I feel like I've done something really bad and nobody will understand. See, I've been working at a really toxic job that has triggered me really bad because of the guys that work there and due to the fact someone works there that is connected to my abuse. will, I walked out once because I had a panic attack and felt like I needed to "escape" then I went back, I only stayed for about a week longer then quit again, well I didn't tell my husband... and I quit. I was scared to, scared of a fight and embarrassment. I have been telling him I've been going to work but really I've just been hanging out at the mall or Walmart. Well, today is my first paycheck, and here I am at the mall again supposedly at work. Today he will find out because my paycheck wont have all the hours on it he thinks. I don't know how to tell him, I feel so pathetic and weak. I'm so scared to get in a argument. I just know he will yell at me and make me feel like crap about myself! He will probably think I've been out doing something bad but I really haven't! I'm sorry to be whining I just really am scared. I feel stupid to be scared but I am. I don't mean to lie to him I just don't like to be looked down on.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

My only advise would be to come clean to your husband. I did a similar thing over the last 5 years in that I hid my spending on my personal credit card from my wife.

Eventually it caught up with me and she was understandably mad with me. I used alcohol as a sleep remedy to block out the nightmares and ran up several thousand pounds of debt as a result. I was always able to make the monthly payments as we had seperate accounts.

Basically I would advise to tell him when you and he are alone and be honest, totally honest with him.

Hiding it any longer will only lead to compound matters. I wish I had told my now ex wife earlier, rather than leaving it until it was too late.

He will understandably be upset but if he is supportive of your PTSD I'm sure he will understand.

:hug:s

Laurie

 

[The Albatross]

It seems to me that rather than be candid and up front with your spouse, you put yourself in a tight spot and are fixing to have a consequence of dishonesty.

Discomforting to realize that you gave in to avoidance, dishonesty, and denial til it's time to fess up and pay the piper. Both my husband's have done that to me. I divorced the first one and have kept the second with the proviso that if he ever does it again he's out.

I think I would seriously self examine why dishonesty to a partner would be preferable to communicating an employment difficulty.

 

[anonymous]

I don't mean to lie to him

I'm not trying to be mean but you did mean to lie to him and now you're lying to yourself if you're trying to say you didn't mean to. You don't accidentally get dressed for work and leave the house each day to hide out at the local mall until it's time to get home from work. Maybe you did it because you were scared but it was a deliberate lie. The only thing you can do at this point is tell him the truth.

 

[ghotiff]

Is your partner emotionally or physically abusive, or will the fight just be a regular relationship fight ?

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't like the sound of him when you say you know he will yell and make you feel like crap. If this happened to my significant other, I would have compassion and wonder why they thought they couldn't come to me and be honest. I would ask myself why they were afraid, and why they were afraid of me.

Don't beat yourself up about leaving your job. Everyone has made mistakes in how they handled things. I walked out on a few jobs over the years, and never regretted leaving - just the temporary lack of funds. Maybe it's a better thing you aren't there.

I would tell my husband that I hid it from him because I was in enough stress as it was and I knew he would only add to it by yelling at me. Stand in your truth. Trust what you know.

 

[NovemberStar]

Is your partner emotionally or physically abusive, or will the fight just be a regular relationship fight ?

If you are not able to tell him because you fear his reaction, over something like this, then there is something very wrong within the relationship. Relationships are meant to be based on mutual love and respect; no one should be this worried about what the other person will 'say' or 'do'.