Advice re pain med withdrawal?

[Ecdysis]

So I'm withdrawing from opiate painkillers atm...

I've had a herniated disc and been taking high levels of pain meds for 10 days (both in hospital and before)

10 days isn't too long, and luckily I don't have a tendency to substance addiction, but I can feel withdrawal symptoms like irritability and low mood.

What's freaking me out (a bit) is having just come out of 8 years of atrocious depression (thanks to Ketamine treatment) and the withdrawal symptoms from the pain meds feel soooo much like "slipping back into depression"...

The rational part of my brain realises that it's not... That it's just 2 or 3 days of me feeling like and then the pain meds will be out of my system...

But the rest of me is hating it... Hating feeling this way... Hating the symptoms... Wishing that I had some clearly defined finish line to aim for - like "48 hours and it'll be out of my system"...

Ugh.. I suck at patience... I suck at humility... I suck at acceptance... I suck at yielding control... I suck at trusting the process... I suck at allowing things to unfold... I suck at asking for help... I suck at having faith... I suck at dealing with fear... I suck at dealing with shame... I suck at dealing with discomfort...

 

[Defaultxlove]

Withdrawal can be brutal. Brutal.

Be easy to yourself. Treat yourself like you have the flu helps

 

[Ecdysis]

I just feel so disatisfied with everything. With myself, with others, with the world. Everything looks and feels negative.

I feel like snapping at people and being unfriendly. I feel like isolating and not making an effort and telling everyone and everything to f*ck off.

I think it's coming in waves too... It'll settle down... I'll relax my guard... And then the irritability will surge again, catching me unawares...

 

[Defaultxlove]

it helped me once to keep a log of my changing feelings and note the time.

And then after a while I gathered , I can’t take my feelings so serious right now

:/ it sucks I know

 

[Ecdysis]

Thanks @Defaultxlove

I just hope it's over quickly

Totally leaned on sweet, fatty, salty food today and over-ate...

Meh... hope sleep will help...

 

[Friday]

I generally feel like a werewolf-with-a-cold in opiate withdrawal… my muscles and bones feeling like they’re ripping apart and reshaping, whilst just generally feeling lousy, snotty, sick ick grrrr.

Eat a lot of sugar/simple carbs (feeds the 4th ventricle of your brain which is where endorphins are formed); OJ, chocolate, etc., to trick your brain into jump starting, & “sick people food” (soup, McDonalds, etc.), and marathon some movies/TVs/books/music that propel your mood/imagination in good ways. (It’s yer own durn fault if you choose mopey ragey dysregulated input when you’re fragile, with opiates. Choose WISELY. Not how you actually feel, but how you warm up to.). Chasing the dragon/opiate dreams are rarely a thing on scripts, BUT the highly influence-able thang very definitely is. Choose your influences, wisely. Now? Is not the time for righteousness, or rage, or despair… but? A bit of joy, perseverance, tenacity, chutzpah, moxie. Serious/important/whatever shit can wait 12-72hrs… and I’m back on my a-game.

NOT eating, or restricting sugar, is a reeeeally bad idea. Unless you like puking/shitting yourself. Keep your sugars up? Proteins & fats highly processed? Moods managed? You’ll be just fine.

If only nicotine had the supremely influenceable transition opiates do!

 

[Ecdysis]

Thanks @Friday - what's the 4th ventricle of the brain? I've never heard of that before...

But yeah, I totally over-ate sweet, salty, fatty food yesterday, in a primal instinct of "pain med withdrawal is enough to cope with - gimmmmeeee foooood!"

Also, I should go full disclosure here... (sigh...)

Dr's wanted me to do a sloooow withdrawal - I was meant to continue to take the full dose of pain med yesterday, even tho I had close to zero pain...

And then they were going to "discuss" lowering my pain meds - but which sounded like it would take until Monday.

So yesterday, I just cut out the pain meds myself and this morning, they've brought me "half-dose" pain meds, not realising that I'd already stopped taking them yesterday.

So yeah, once again, it's my own stupidity/ stubornness that is making this probably harder than it needs to be... But at the same time, I want these opiates out of my system quickly and having only taken them for 10 days it feels like a controlled risk to just go cold turkey...

But yeah, it's part of the equation... if I'd been more patient and tapered more slowly it'd have been presumably easier... but it also felt stupid taking opiates without needing to and taking them longer than necessary... Potential opiate addiction is a real concern to me and something that doesn't rest easily with me...

Anyway, what's done is done... I've got the first night behind me, slept more or less okay and do feel pleased to have the meds out of my system for 24 hours now.

I guess the only risky/ challenging element is that of the depression... I could've done without those depression-like symptoms scaring me.

Tho maybe it's also a "good" reminder, how far I've come with the Ketamine therapy and a "reminder" of what those symptoms felt like before...

Hopefully it'll have just been a brief blip anyway and nothing more impactful than that...

Either way, I'm looking forward to my 2nd opiate free day today, hopefully with less withdrawal symptoms than yesterday...

 

[Midnightmoon]

Dr's wanted me to do a sloooow withdrawal - I was meant to continue to take the full dose of pain med yesterday, even tho I had close to zero pain...

And then they were going to "discuss" lowering my pain meds - but which sounded like it would take until Monday.

I was just about to ask if they were tapering them, fair enough, you did your own 'programme'!

10 days should mean it's a fairly speedy process, which I know feels like all sorts of awful when you're in it but the end is in sight.

(When I did withdrawal after 2.5 years my main difficulty was the bloody night sweats, was like I was in the rainforest every damn night for weeks!)

 

[Ecdysis]

Thanks @Midnightmoon

I think I feel most panicky about slipping back into a depression... Such a scary prospect...

I think objectively I'm doing okay with the withdrawal... I should be through the main part of it by this evening.

My aim today is to do another 10,000 steps... I managed to yesterday and the day before... So relieved to be walking again, after weeks of not being able to... So that should keep me busy, hopefully.

The low mood sucks tho... I feel so grumpy...

Need to keep doing breathing exercises... Using my yoga accupressure mat... Distracting myself... Using CBT skills to keep reminding myself that the low mood is temporary and just a symptom...

I will say one drawback of having withdrawn quicker than the Dr's orders is that I don't have the support of staff as I'm withdrawing cos I can't tell them I have withdrawal symptoms cos they don't think I'm withdrawing yet....

 

[Ecdysis]

Well, I went walking...

Turned into angry-walking...

Being inside my brain is like being a grumpy-assed toddler with fever right now... Ugh...

Walking fast did help tho... Managed to do 2,900 steps and did actually calm down...

Then realised that I was running a blister on my numb foot and had to go back to the hospital to get some plasters for it and change shoes...

Decided to have a shower, cos that's a pretty decent method for feeling less-like-trash, and that's helped a bit too...

Going to try for a nap now...

It's not even 10 am yet... Annoyingly, the nurses wake you at 7 am on a Sunday too, even tho there's absolutely nothing to do...

Anyway, I'd better stop grumpy-toddler-griping...

Every hour I get through is an hour closer to having the opiates out of my system...

I've got Ketamine treatment on Friday, so hopefully I'll be back to good levels of "normal" by then...

Still aiming to go home on Wednesday, or possibly even on Tuesday, but I'm happy with either of those days, really...

 

[Ecdysis]

Have slept most of the morning and most of the afternoon.

Feeling a little bit saner and a bit less withdrawal-y.

Had weird visual auras earlier... Like from a migraine, but without a migraine. Nurses called a Dr to ask whether it's related to surgery or withdrawal, but it was gone by the time he got there. Just going to keep an eye on it. Apparently you can get those kind of auras/ visual hallucinations from taking Pregabalin too, which I started taking 2 weeks ago... Hmm...

Anyway, going to try and get a few more steps for my Fitbit done... I'm so grumpy towards people tho... Like, want to punch random people who walk into my field of vision... Sort of aggrevated I guess... itching for a fight... stupid withdrawal symptoms...

 

[Ecdysis]

Went angry-walking again... It seems it's a thing...

It's not enjoyable... I feel like I will yell at random people... But it does seem to help re-regulate me as I'm withdrawing...

My hospital friend with the amputated toe just found out she's got MRSA bacteria in her foot... Yikes...

Trying to feel grateful that I'm healing well and will probably be going home soon.

So irritable tho... my facial expression is

Breathing exercises...