Relationship Advice

[AFgirlfriend]

I have been in a relationship with an AF reservist for almost a year. I was aware of his PTSD although he never had an issue or nightmare when we were together. He recently had a violent nightmare which has sent him in to isolation. He is seeking therapy but I have not heard from him in over a week. I am trying to be supportive. I have read everything I could find but I am worried about him and his withdrawal.

 

[sisu]

Hello AF girlfiriend,
I'm glad he is seeking therapy - this is a good sign that he wants to manage his PTSD. Yay! I have no doubt you are worried about him, it's hard not to worry about the ones we love. As women, we want to "fix" that pain they are feeling and when we are shut out we feel helpless. Helpless is a really hard feeling to deal with sometimes. Continue reading and asking questions - learn all you can about PTSD, not just the withdrawal. Take care of yourself - do nice things for you, go out to dinner with a girlfriend or something else you enjoy doing. Stay busy. He probably shut down because that nightmare caused a lot of stress in his mind and now his brain won't shut down. He just needs to find his center again and because of this he may not want outside stimulation. This outside stimulation includes you right now. He will call you or see you when he is ready again. I'm so sorry you are going through this - PTSD sucks.

Take care,
Sisu

 

[Eleanor]

Hi AFgirlfriend, I don't have much to add to what sisu said - that about sums it up. Read around here - and take care of yourself. PTSD is a long hard road.
Wishing you both peace and healing....

 

[Trembling]

AFgirlfriend, welcome, and all the best. Being here is a great step for you and believe me, it helps a lot!

 

[JohnJohn]

Afgirlfriend,

Hang in there. Like everyone upstream has said, just taking care of yourself and letting your loved one know you are there to support them is about all you can do.

You are not alone with your frustration, as you can see around you in here. So while you await their decision just empower yourself with knowledge on what you are both going through and always what is best for you.

I hope you and your loved ones find peace.

 

[ProudWife99]

AFGirlfriend - I have nothing more to say that sisu and others didn't articulate perfectly. It's a tough road so gain as much knowledge and understanding as you can! Work on developing a thick skin and having your own sense of self outside of your relationship with him, as there will be times you cannot rely on him or your relationship to make you feel safe/good/anything positive. I know for my husband (he was in the army) that he didn't shut down because he didn't care about me, but because he cared so much.

Nurturing our relationship was so important to him that the stress of it became to much and his brain shut him down, he didn't actively decide he didn't care. Try to remember those things as you go through this.

Peace to you!