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always hitting a wall

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zo1111

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i seem to always dissociate whenever i get triggered or start feeling too much emotion. like i get triggered and get a huge rush of emotions/feelings and then i like freeze up and everything stops for a second and then its all gone. i feel completely fine, and just down right confused. i don't know how to stop this.. or how i can change this and just be able to feel.
 
I have this same problem too and right now it's 5am and I haven't been able to fall back asleep in the last 2hrs cause I had a pretty emotional day. The day was filled with positive emotions but because they remind me of my source of trauma, I'm having a hard time processing them
 
It's certainly very tricky, but that's really what dissociation is designed to do - to stop you feeling those overwhelming emotions before they become too much that you might not cope. Your brain is kicking in a protective mechanism to stop you feeling - of course, now you're not in danger that function is not helpful.

One of the things you can do is try begin to monitor those emotions and that triggering, so if you notice you've been triggered and the emotional rush is coming, you can use a mindfulness technique to try and help you keep in the present. Look around you and try to list something in your immediate surroundings for each sense to help your mind focus on the present. For example, you might note that you see a blue blanket, that you can feel the rough pages of a book.... what you can smell, taste etc. Some people even deliberately keep things like breath mints with them to give them an extra scent and taste that's easy to pop in their mouth.

Personally, I have a tattoo on my arm of a picture my son drew. It's all bright colours and reminds me of my son and my present life, so that's always the first things I focus on, then I move through other senses.

This is a tricky thing to do though and it does take time and practice to be able to catch yourself, but even if you have begun to dissociate, it can still help bring you back. Hope that helps a little! Dissociation is certainly difficult and hard to avoid when your brain is so hardwired to use it a protective mechanism.
 
Dissociating can feel scary, but it is the brain's way of protecting itself. There seems to be some repressed memories trying to break through, but the brain isn't sure it's quite ready to process them yet. It may help to journal what you can remember when it happens. If you are in therapy, please share this with the counselor. If you need a counselor, this site (Focus on the Family's Christian Counseling Network) may help locate one. As you learn coping skills, the dissociation may lessen and you'll be able to process and feel. Prayers for peace and wisdom.
 
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