Am I Crazy?

[lostinlife]

I have had PTSD for many years. I didn't realize it till a psychologist diagnosed me. Came home, got on the internet, and was like, "WOW!!! That's me!!" My husband didn't understand many of my problems and I had to explain that they were most likely related to the PTSD.​

He used to love to sneak up on me and scare the hell out of me. My response was always over exaggerated. Not that I did it on purpose, but it was a trigger for me. I asked him at least 100 times to stop doing it and how it made me feel. He continued on.​

Anyhow, for the past 8 months we've had a miserable marriage. I've taken to sleeping in the guest room. I have problems sleeping and have terrible night terrors. This wakes him up and he can't go back to sleep easily....so he says, but he's snoring within minutes. He tells me that since he's a pilot, his sleep is so important and that I'm hurting him physically because he isn't getting enough sleep.​

One morning a few months ago he came upstairs into my room and laid down in the bed with me. I can't remember exactly what he was complaining about that morning, but I became very aggravated with him. Initially I calmly asked him to leave my room and go to work. I begged him to leave bc he was really upsetting me. He started to blame all our marriage problems on me that morning and just wouldn't shut up and leave me along. I got so upset I threw my laptop computer at him. He still wouldn't leave.​

I went downstairs trying to get away from him. He has a habit of following me and continues to "talk" to me telling me what a problem I am to him. We were in the entryway downstairs and he hit me with his palm right above my right eye. I grabbed a softball bat sitting close by. I told him if he came any closer I would swing. He approached me and I swung. I hit his ribs, but not hard enough to break anything. I was freaking out and screamed at him to leave and go to work. I locked myself in the bathroom and took my shotgun out of the closet.​

My eye was throbbing and I just wanted him to leave so I could feel safe. I sat there for 5 minutes listening. I heard the front door open and close. I sat there for a few more minutes. When I opened the door, he was standing there. I had the shoot gun in my hands. He mocked me and told me that he doubted that it was even loaded and that if it was I wouldn't know how to shoot it. I immediately fired one round into the ceiling. I then told him to please leave before it got any more out of control. I told him if he took one more step towards me I'd shoot him. He picked up one foot to take a step and I fired another round into the ceiling.​

He finally got the point and left the house. I got in the car and went to the police station. He was already there filing a police report against me. A detective took me into an interview room and I told him that I'd only hit him and fired the gun because he had hit me. By this time I had a pretty good sized knot above my eye. The detective immediately got in touch with the Family Advocate at my husband's Air Force Base. Family Advocate got in touch with his Commander who then put a "no contact" order on my husband.​

A few days later I was moving out of the house and he showed up with a police officer. I told the officer that my husband wasn't supposed to be around me and that his commander had given me a 3 week no contact order to give me enough time to move out.​

I've had a few meetings at Family Advocacy with my husband since this occurrence and he denies hitting me. This was the trigger for me. I wouldn't have grabbed the gun if he hadn't hit me. He is so convincing I'm starting to wonder myself if there is something wrong with my brain and he truly didn't hit me. It doesn't account for the large bump and bruising over my eye, but is it possible? Would my sensitivity to situations where I feel like I'm in danger make me believe something happened that never did?​

The district attorney may be prosecuting him and he swears he never touched me, that I'm just crazy. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if I can trust myself in this situation that my account is accurate. I'm not lying to try getting him into trouble like he says I am. I don't wish him badly, I just felt threatened.​

He has always told me I'm crazy because I freak when he forgets to set the alarm or when he leaves the house early in the morning and forgets to lock the door. I'm in bed asleep and would have no idea if someone entered the house. It scares me and he doesn't get it. Now he calls me a liar.​

 

[Rob_Dog19]

Do not let him do that to you. I'm not going to say that all men are bad, but it sounds to me like this one is. He's manipulating the situation and using your illness against you. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! Of course he's not going to admit that he hit you, who would? You had a knot on your head...you can't imagine an injury into existence. I understand how easy it is to say you're crazy with PTSD, but you're not, and your so called hubby needs to do some time for his crime. I hope it all goes well for you. (((lostinlife)))

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum lostinlife. It was a good thing that the policeman did see that knot on your eye. It's for sure your ex-H will try to prove his innocence. He's trying a strategy where he is transferring his behavior onto you. Take time to breath and find some peace and comfort. Have you got an attorney who is specialized in marital violence to present you ? Keep on posting as this will help you vent out what you are going through.

 

[lostinlife]

I haven't hired an attorney because I'm hoping to not divorce. I'd like for him to join a support group and try to understand why I get angry, why I get upset when he leaves the house open to intruders when I'm still asleep, why I wake up crying disturbing his precious sleep.

I don't know if I miss him or if I miss what I thought we could have had. I know I've been difficult to deal with, but he takes no responsibility in the demise of our marriage.

The other night we were texting and then he just stopped responding. We were discussing the CPS investigation. We have both been found "Reason to Believe" for "Supervision Negligence". He because when my son was interviewed told the investigator that my husband "hurts" him, and that he hears my husband yelling at me. I was labeled because they say that I was being abused and didn't move out of the house when the abuse began. My son is too young to make decisions to move and I should have acted for both of us.

I don't understand why I've been found to be in neglect when I did take measures as soon as the physical abuse began. My son says that my husband has "hurt" him, but to be totally honest I believe he is referring to times when they have been rough playing and it always gets taken too far and someone gets hurt. I went to the Air Force and asked them to order him to stay out of the house the same day he hit me.

Anyhow, I was asking him what classes CPS was requesting he take. Anger Management? Parenting classes? When he stopped responding, I drove to our house. I sat and talked with him for a few minutes, but he told me that we can not be a family again till I go to the police and tell them that I was lying and he never hit me......but he did. He told me that he was scared to be in the house alone with me because he felt like I could make something up trying to get him in more trouble.

I started sobbing. He said my name, I dried my face with my hands, looked up at him, and he told me that I needed to leave. Leave my home. The house that my name is on the title to also. By telling me that he's scared to be around me without a witness, makes me have doubts and really makes him sound like a victim. I'm confused, I'm sad. He knew I had to drive 20 miles to get to the house I'm staying in sobbing. He didn't even call to make sure I made it home okay.

 

[Rob_Dog19]

No matter what he tries to tell you, you are the victim. Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes...I can't speak for your feelings to this man, but it sounds to me like you are clinging to a very volatile and unhealthy relationship. Honestly,I think you need to take your power back and show him that he cannot abuse you this way. You're in my thoughts and prayer, my dear. Keep us posted

 

[Rainrunner]

Hmmm, sounds rather abusive to me. So, the jerk I was married to is a narcissist. Nasty buggers to be around. He caused me to act in ways while defending myself that I would not do normally. The physical violence is bad but I've considered the emotional damage he did even worse. Wounds heal on the body. The mind is a bit more difficult to handle. Look up narcissism. See if any of the behaviors from a narcissist fit him and/or if any of your reactions to it fit you. If you see similarities, I would suggest getting away from him. Actually, his abusive behavior so far is reason to consider getting away now.