Poll Am I Dirty? - A Poll

[Deleted member 28812]

I want to ask you a question.

When there is some dirt on our bed linen my Vet wants me to wash it again. Same for towels and so on.
He expects all his clothes to be pressed but I do think with two young children I do not have the time.

Example: Our toddler ate a peanut butter sandwhich on the bed and there was a little bit of peanut butter. He expected me to wash the linen

I am a SAHM, he works fulltime. He admits he is triggered by dirt and he is fearful of germs.

Question for the poll: Are his expections unreasonable and due to his PTSD or am I dirty and should work on this?

 

[shimmerz]

The most important thing I learned about my triggers was not to make others responsible for them. SAHM or not, if the word 'trigger' comes up, then the person triggered needs to follow through with the responsibility of seeing them through, not assigning the triggery behaviour to someone else. It makes the other person sick. Not good.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I am in between total controlfreak and total slob.

It really depends on my mood. If I were in the controlfreak mood, where I want to control everything (which for me is related to ptsd), I'd clean those sheets immediately. I'd also get pissed off. When I'm in the other mood, I don't care much. I wouldn't care about the little bit of peanut butter, I'd clean it off with a moist towel.

I agree with shimmerz. I don't think you are responsible for your husband's triggers.
Hence, my opinion is that if he wants the bed linen washed because of his trigger, he can do it himself. But in the end it would probably better to do something about why it triggers him. Removing all germs isn't the solution to the trigger or his fear of germs.

 

[StarChild]

Hi @Lemontree, I'd like to ask you a few questions, to understand the situation better.

toddler ate a peanut butter sandwhich on the bed

In which bed did he ate it? In his bed, or in his parents bed?

He admits he is triggered by dirt and he is fearful of germs

Did your husband have this fear just since he's got PTSD or did he have it before? And in what kind of environment did he grow up? Was it a relaxed home, or was his mother always cleaning everything again and again, and was she on a "dirt-hunt" from the morning to the evening, so to speak?

Oh, and for the question of the poll. I don't understand it. Does it mean, that I think I'm dirty, or that others might think that I am? OR that we think you are dirty? Your answers would be very much appreciated.

 

[moonbeam]

If I make the mess I can handle it. If someone else makes the mess its 50-50. If its small and I saw it being made its probably okay. If I come home to a mess even if its a tiny stain, I change the bedding myself, I also then put the old bedding in the wash myself.

My triggers are my responsibility and I try not to put it onto my husband.

I don't think your vet is saying you are dirty. I think he is saying he can't handle the mess. Those aren't the same thing. Some people have OCD about cleaning or organisation, does that mean the rest of the world is dirty and disorganised? No. Just they need it a certain way.

The pressed clothes might be a military thing as I know they put strong emphasis on this sort of thing (along with the whole boots polished and beds made type stuff).

I think this is one of those marriage occasions where you just try to find a middle ground. Maybe buy several sets of extra bedding so changing it means you still have plenty of time for laundry later. And discuss the no time for pressing stuff. He'll either have to live without or find a different solution like a tailors or launderer who does that sort of stuff, or do it himself.

 

[holdenmonty]

That is a tough one because I would say that it isn't dirty at all and especially with two little ones running around durring the day it is tough to do much and keeping it all clean is a real challenge. I was wondering has there ever been a day that you were out and he was home with the kids? I remember my wife went to a womans conference with some ladies from our church and I spent two full days alone with our boys and I learned a whole new respect for my wife.

 

[desiderata310]

For me it's a matter of time and energy.
If I am sapped things slide. Work schedule gets hecktic and everything goes to hell and stays that way for a while till I can catch back up. As long as certain surfaces are clean I will ignore a great deal. I hate making my bed.
That said, sometime I will get hyper triggered and clean from dawn till dusk and een spend hours scrubbing an old pot or pan to get it perfect.

*shrug*

 

[mrsps]

Its a bit of peanut butter, meh who cares. Now if it was poop ....... the sheets would get changed.
More to life that washing sheets because of a little bit of peanut butter.
I don't consider myself to be dirty, but also not super clean.

 

[Sandstone]

Lets put things in proportion here.

Twenty years ago I had to go into hospital for an op. My kids were small so my mother stayed with them. I phoned home the first night to check all was OK. She told me the cat was clearly angry about the change and had defecated and urinated on my bed, where Mother was to sleep. I started explaining where the clean linen was, and how she would have to use a single duvet or swap with one of the kids,

"Oh no." she said "I'm just going to push it to one side and sleep under the clean bit."

 

[Deleted member 28812]

In which bed did he ate it? In his bed, or in his parents bed?

In ours. Often he does not sleep there anyway.

Did your husband have this fear just since he's got PTSD or did he have it before?

My husband was always a neat person but that became more pronounced because of his military training and even more pronounced because of his PTSD.

I don't think your vet is saying you are dirty. I think he is saying he can't handle the mess.

Nope. He says I am dirty and asked me if I am not ashamed of that level of dirt. It does depend however. It depends on how he feels. Am I dirty and he just ignores it when he is in a good mood or are his ideas about cleanness over the top?

 

[Deleted member 28812]

@stenni: *lol* That's dirty.

 

[Sammyiam]

@stenni

Oh man, I could not do that the smell would make me gag. I'm either ocd clean or just normal. I would rather sleep on the floor with no blankets than in a bed where a cat has gone to the toilet :p