Am I Dissociating?

[Seagreen]

I can actually remember the first time that it happened. I was at school in second grade and suddenly started doing what my teacher called "day dreaming". After that I kept doing it often. The school were concerned enough to notify child protection. I'm 30 now and its still happening whenever I experience stress, mental fatigue, after a trauma or when I think about traumatic events. It doesn't take much at all to set it off. I find I am drifting away several times on some days. I also suspect it may be related to my short term memory problem as well. If I'm pulled out of it suddenly (eg by a loud noise, someone trying to talk to me or someone touching me) I get extremely irritated. When I was doing EMDR I'd feel myself drifting off and my therapist would stop immediately. Somehow she must have been able to see what was happening. She never mentioned it or explained what it was. She did tell me not to drive home. I've read about dissociation and I'm not sure if that is what is happening or not as I don't leave my body or anything like that. Its more just fazing out and a calm feeling. I've just always called it day dreaming. My kids get upset a lot because I faze out often when they are talk to me. They tell me to stop day dreaming. I give them permission to do things and then have no recollection at all afterwards. I don't seem to be able to switch it off. It happens involuntarily but I can bring it on too in stressful situations by imaging clouds. For those who suffer from dissociation does this sound familiar? Does it effect your memory and concentration? I'm mostly interested to know what strategies people have used to control it and if treatment was successful. I want to be rid of this!

 

[ashley m.]

I was diagnosed with ptsd with dissociative figures, I've dissociated myself so much that I literally can not remember experiences in my life. That was the reason I went to get diagnostic tests done to figure out why, when talking to the Dr I couldn't provide any autobiography of events in my life I have no memories, random ones come from time to time, or very unimportant things i remember but i suffer from it daily

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Seagreen
There is a gradation of dissociative states, from the simple light ones which anyone can and will do, such as ignoring a feeling about something, or suspending disberlief when reading a story or watching a film

Through the various "day dreaming" states - which until the past few months I thought everyone could do, but it seems that not everyone can. I certainly remember a girl friend who was amazed that she could call my name several times before I heard her.

I can also go and play in that sort of state, where I can regress into memories with sights, smells, feelings, sounds etc it's something like having a personal holodeck.

On through some of the flashback states where we seem to be taken back a bit out of the world into an emotion or thinking state - or into the holodeck to re live something nasty, with little access out to the present and little access to rational thought and reasoning. With a lot of effort I can go into those states and retain an anchor to the present.

The furthest states that I can remember being into have been when I feared I was going to die, time slowing right down, voices sound distant and blurry, I seem to move back from my eyes, I was aware of my own mind, voice and actions but seperate from them, I was observing from somewhere in the back of my head, and I can't remember feeling any pain.

I think that some people even feel as though they are watching their body from outside it, what is happening to it is as though it's happening to another person. I can't remember ever doing that.

I could happily go and play on the holodeck most of the time, I've started trying to practice mindfulness to stay in the present, and actually live.

From very early on in primary school I was labelled and stigmatized as "lazy" and a "daydreamer" - but where I was going was far more interesting than being one of 40 kids sat on their arses in rows, getting their heads stuffed with boring and useless drivel, and getting beaten if they weren't "paying attention" to some entitled little authority figure. </rant>:sleep:

hope this helps