hi melody,
How do you do it? How do you get through each day knowing that the person that threatened your life, could be near by?
umm advice, i'll try, but how useful it will be i don't know.
how do i do it? - simply by getting through each minute, then hour, day, week. my emotions and their intensity change fast, meaning that i can be reasonably fine one moment and highly anxious and fearful the next. unpredicably predicable! i've learnt, or try to remember when it's intense, i tell myself that this bad feeling Will Not Last Forever, it will pass, i just have to hang in there, and wait it out. sounds silly but for me it helps but i have had to work and persist with it. i can't stop the emotions getting that intense yet, but i do find comfort knowing that they will pass, maybe in a few minutes, maybe in half an hour but i can now believe and accept that they will come, and then go. The hard part is the waiting it out.
for me, i know for certain that He lived in the same area as me- his sentancing included attending a certain mental health centre that's catchment area includes the borough i live in, shop, hanged out etc.
Can you be completely sure that He is near by you? or Is it just fear?
(i found what anthony has writen helped me to step back and see what was actually going on and what you think is going on- the two are different)
i have to put it in perspective- yes, fact, He lives within the catchment area -this area is a reasonable size with hundreds of other people living in it, me included.(and there is always a chance he could have moved- wishful thinking on my part!) depsite being hyper vigilant, in 22 months (since my trauma happened) i have never seen him, and the actual freak chance of that happening statisically is negliable. if i was going to see him surely i would have by now? but knowing this doesn't always match up to where my fears take me. it's a difficult one. Fear is strange, it blocks out otherwise logical thinking and preys on your insecurities.
how do you overcome fear? -by facing it. you can run from it and avoid places, people, your own front door, but all that does is prolong the fear, intensify it even, it doesn't make it go away. i know, i've mastered avoidance, and the fear remains. i reached a point where i had to decide, do i carry on in fear hell, and keep running or do i mentally choose to stay and fight back? i choose to fight because realistically what other option do you have? how long can someone keep avoiding everything? i'm sure you will know when the time is right for you.
on a practical level - i started off slowly. control was, and is important to me, so some of this may seem a little obsessional, but is a comprimise for getting me out. here are a few things that made going out easier for me - planning is the key!
wear clothes/shoes that you feel comfortable in, check you have everything you need to go out eg, house/car keys, money, shopping list, windows shut, alarm on etc. these things you can control, even if you have to spend 20mins or more getting everything ready!
mentally reward yourself throughout eg. the front door is closed and i'm standing outside, well done, don't forget to breathe, you've reached the car, and made it safely inside- good job etc you get the jist. small achievements soon add up to bigger ones.
if going out alone is too hard, arrange for a friend/ family member to go with you, until your ready to take the step alone- the more positive/bearable experiences you can gather, build up, so with practise and time, fear is faced and anxiety level controlled.
i started at a basic level - opening the front door when no-one was there. unlocking it, opening it 1 inch, quarter way, half, fully, setting yourself the challenge - i will open the door for 2 seconds, build it up, 5 sec, 10, 1 min etc building up your confidence, and lowering anxiety, next move onto standing outside. leading up to going food shopping alone - saying to yourself that if you have to sit in the car park for 30mins first, buy one product, then leave, that is ok,that is all you can manage that day then fine, give yourself a break,
if i've learnt one thing about ptsd it is that you have to be nice to yourself, push yourself -yes, set yourself up to fail - no. accept that some days everything is a difficult challenenge- then get by for each minute- other days are less hard, enjoy them and compliment yourself, you are worth it.
How do i get through each day knowing he could POSSIBLY ( in the loosest sense of the word) be near by? i sit and panic until i can't stand it any more and eventually decided that i won't let him have this fear over me, that i will fight the images he/it conjures up and struggle to control the thoughts and body sensations until i'm worn out, until i want to give up, and then i cry, and begin to slowly heal, each day, a step further away from him and closer to having a life again. i've found that now it's not as important to know where he is, but where i am, its not all solely about him anymore, it's about me. I deserve the attention, not him.
i hope some of this helps, if you like you can pm me, or you can ask any questions back here, i will look out for both, i don't come online everyday so appoligise for any dely getting back to you. take care :smile:
