Am I making him feel bad?

[Bananamango]

My friend has PTSD. We text and email back and forth, but he has backed off a lot in recent months. I'm not sure if something is up in his life (he is very private and will not talk about anything so I don't even ask). I suspect there is. He struggles with stress and there has been a lot of it lately I think.

I usually send him messages with what I've been up to (I do lots of fun things) with photos etc. Sometimes he responds and sometimes he doesn't. (I send these types of texts/emails to others as well.) But he just sent me a fairly curt email telling me to back off and stop sending him messages about what I've been doing. He says he doesn't care.

Now I'm wondering if I've been being insensitive in sending fun things I've been doing and he may be struggling with his life. I will stop, but, my question is:

If you have PTSD and are struggling, does it piss you off to see your friends having a good time/doing fun things while you are barely getting through the day? I'm wondering if I may have been making him feel bad.

Maybe reading too much into it, but I feel a bit bad if I've been potentially making him feel worse about his life/himself.

 

[Friday]

If you have PTSD and are struggling, does it piss you off to see your friends having a good time/doing fun things while you are barely getting through the day?

Nope. I love it. Life exists. Good juju. :tup:

Of course, being contacted at all sometimes annoys the f*ck out of me. (Aaaargh. Go. Away.), and other times it’s awesome. (Hey you!) Even if I’m not responding.

But that’s me.

This is one of those areas people tend to feel very differently about.

Maybe reading too much into it

I’d say so. He asked you to stop. There could be a hundred reasons why. Including the one that he gave you; that he doesn’t care.

 

[blackemerald1]

stop sending him messages about what I've been doing. He says he doesn't care.

^^Ok..well cut out the fun alternatives and contact him to go to lunch or meet up and then ask him if he is ok?

He has said he doesn't care about your fun texts, not that he doesn't care about you? There is a difference so make sure you have understood exactly what he doesn't care about.

 

[EveHarrington]

You’re essentially forcing him to read a Facebook feed. You know, the highlight reel of someone’s life?

You’re not MAKING him feel anything.....but at the same time I personally wouldn’t want to hear about all the fun things a friend does. I rather a friend check in on me and attempt to have a real conversation.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

If you have PTSD and are struggling, does it piss you off to see your friends having a good time/doing fun things while you are barely getting through the day?

Yep! Annoys the f*ck out me of seeing all the great times others have and I'm struggling to get through each day. Its why im never in Facebook anymore. But, again, just me.

 

[grit]

At the end of the day, it is good to be considerate and ask your friends how they are doing and share but ultimately you really cannot know what another person is feeling or thinking, especially when they are not even with you.

If you are sending how good your life is to entice him to come out that is great. If you are sending it to have an audience like "like me on FB" then you are just poking him to be envious and why would anyone do that right?

So just be conscious of your own feeling of why you are contacting a person and let them tell you what they feel about that.
It also helps to ask how is he is feeling without sending something to contrast with.

 

[Bananamango]

If you are sending how good your life is to entice him to come out that is great. If you are sending it to have an audience like "like me on FB" then you are just poking him to be envious and why would anyone do that right?

So just be conscious of your own feeling of why you are contacting a person and let them tell you what they feel about that.
It also helps to ask how is he is feeling without sending something to contrast with.

I've definitely been doing it with good intentions--not everything I send is like that, but the last one I sent was something we'd done together once. I've asked him to join me doing things, but it always is him who ends up initiating, which hasn't been much lately compared to in past.

Yep, I've tried asking how he's feeling/how he is but he doesn't always like that. He really is so intensely private and won't share anything. Sometimes not even what he did for the weekend! He's always been very concerned about being 'monitored.' I'm not sure if it's happened to him in past with others. So i have to often just wait for him to share when he feels like it. Doesn't often answer many questions...

Yep! Annoys the f*ck out me of seeing all the great times others have and I'm struggling to get through each day. Its why im never in Facebook anymore. But, again, just me.

He's not on facebook either....I've seen the post above regarding it being like facebook posts and I can see how it could appear that way. It's not always just things I've done, but photos of things I think he'd be interested in. But regardless, he's unhappy about it, so I'll stop until I can try to talk to him. IF he'll talk....

You’re essentially forcing him to read a Facebook feed. You know, the highlight reel of someone’s life?

You’re not MAKING him feel anything.....but at the same time I personally wouldn’t want to hear about all the fun things a friend does. I rather a friend check in on me and attempt to have a real conversation.

Both good points...
I'd have a conversation with him if I could but don't see him that often...and he can't always talk it seems if I do run into him.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

He's not on facebook either....I've seen the post above regarding it being like facebook posts and I can see how it could appear that way.

No, I understood it was texts. I was just using facebook as my own personal example because I am never on it for the exact same reason. But to be more about texts, it would actually upset me more to receive texts about all the fun someone I know is having as facebook and the like can be avoided, texts cannot be and pop up on my phone. If I remember right you got a strong reaction. This might be why. It's not avoidable if it pops up on your phone

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t mean for this to sound mean, but it sounds like this is more of a “surface” friendship if he won’t open up about anything. Upon reexamination, I’m guessing that sending this kind of “light” stuff to one another is the name of the game? I guess I’d say to just approach it as you have been doing, as in very casual. I’m thinking he doesn’t want a deeper type of friendship?

 

[Bananamango]

I don’t mean for this to sound mean, but it sounds like this is more of a “surface” friendship if he won’t open up about anything. ?

Almost the first thing he told me when I met him was that he’s extremely private and protective of himself. (I didn’t know what he meant by the protective part at the time) He told me he doesn’t share a lot. I don’t think it’s just me. That’s just how he is.

I don’t think he allows anyone to get too close. I’ve noticed if I get too close, he backs away for a little bit, abd then comes back. So I know I can’t get too close.

He hasn’t had a long term girlfriend for many years it sounds like. I sense he won’t let anyone in, in spite of wanting a girlfriend. But at the same time he’s kind of admitted he’s very independent and sounds like he doesn’t want to ever be accountable to anyone.

So when in early days he communicated quite frequently but it’s very slowly over a couple of years decreased and then I sensed something was up this past year because it all kind changed. And the I got the text to back off.

I was just sort of getting feedback from you guys here if maybe I was contributing to things. I sense a lot is from his end (I could never ask or I think he might not speak to me again—he’s that private) but I will certainly honour his request if that’s what he needs.

I just know he’ll back way off if I try to talk about it. He’s told me he doesn’t have normal emotions and I really dislikes talking about anything too deeply.

It’s conplicated, but I care about him and hope I can maintain our friendship without getting hurt. It is difficult at times, that’s for sure. Very similar to other posts in the supporter forum.

Thanks for the input.