Sexual Assault Am i to blame too?

[LucyLou]

OK, so I've wrote about my ex before but I missed a part out. I don't know why....maybe because I know I was in the wrong too and then it just went on from that to thinking if I hadn't done it then he wouldn't have either? We were only together 7/8 months, if that and it started OK....the thing I want some, I don't know....another perspective on, was that on the night he attacked me...I put my hands on him first (I know it was wrong) (he was being verbally abusive) me slapping him then escalated to him hitting and rsping me and I don't know how I can bring this up with therapist, because I played a part in it all too

 

[Friday]

Ah, emotions just logic for shite, amirite?

Because you DO realize, (I hope???) that the emotional reasoning you’re doing is saying that rape is a totally justifiable/reasonable/rational response… if someone slaps you.

He said something.
You slapped him.
He raped you.

Slapping someone? Is not a green-light for rape. It’s not something most people would hear, and nod sagely, and …Gallic shrug… because what can you expect? You slap someone, you get raped, that simple.

***

If you reeeeeeally think about it? You can probably come up with 50 different things that do not justify rape, that someone’s emotions-attempting-logic are blaming themselves for it.
- Dinner was late
- I slammed the door
- I was wearing nice clothes
- etc. x47

But it’s extremely difficult to find even 1 thing that does justify rape.

 

[Ecdysis]

I've had fights with my ex where we were both dysregulated and the fight escalated and I know I've played a part in that too.

I don't think "playing a part in it" means that the other person is excused to do "whatever" tho.

What would happen if you turned the scenario around: If the two of you had had an argument, you were being verbally abusive towards him and he slapped you. Would you have hit him and then raped him?

I doubt it.

I can see how someone slapping me might make me hit them back. Unfortunate, but maybe understandable.

But I can't think of any scenario of what someone would "do" so that the outcome would be that I rape them.

If things got out of hand and escalated badly, I might use self-defense or call the cops.

But I can't see any scenario in which my brain would think "And now, because of *this* I'm going to rape the other person."

I don't know... Maybe that's just my way of thinking about it.

 

[arfie]

i don't much like the blame games, especially with loved ones. i shoot to be helpful more often than i worry about who is right/wrong.

i figure that, done well or done badly, love is a dance we do together. it's good dance etiquette to apologize for stepping on toes.

 

[Weemie]

But it’s extremely difficult to find even 1 thing that does justify rape.

Even in "justified rapes" gag, lmao, but you know we had to go here (I mean in situations where there is literally no other choice other than rape or death etc you know what I'm talking about). It's still f*cking awful and terrible and it is something that happens as a literal last resort.

It's not like "oh no! You slapped me! Ope! Guess it's rape time, sorry, I tried nothing else and I'm all out of ideas! My hands are tied by my own ineptitude!" lmfao you know? Dude just wanted to rape OP, that's basically what it comes down to.

People don't just walk around completely normal until someone slaps them and then all of a sudden they become psychopathic sex offenders.

 

[Movingforward10]

Rapists rape.
a slap doesn’t turn a person into a rapist.
he chose to rape you rather than walk away when you slapped him.