Junebug: Rage is most certainly my cover for fear, it has always been far easier for me to to engage in rage and
and anger than to feel any real emotion.We did get down to the heart of more of the fear in my session, not what I thought we would, perplexing, to be truthful, but along the same lines.
Albatross: You make some very great great points and I took this issue to my tdoc, ok informed her or my plans. More, I took it my God and with open-mindedness and ask what would be the best thing to be done. I didn't want, which is very telling, and I told my tdoc that I needed, wanted, and planned to go without missing sessions. I really appreciate what you had to say, thank you, it meant a lot to me!
Anthony: I understood exactly your point about finances. I keep my money separate from my husband's. I pay my portion of bills and I have been helping my Son and his family out a little due to budget constraints. Everyone knows the deal on living expenses, especially with families and trying to take care of a home. We are unable to take the full trip there to see them this year to due the expenses of two, hotels, and renting a car - we have our home that needs to be attended to as it getting up there where it needs some nips and tucks, if you know what I mean. Costly! So this year seeing as they had a new baby we decided to help out with the baby and I have sent things for the baby, the kids were too far apart to have held onto the essentials so they really needed everything this go around.
The trip I had researched quite heavily was a deal, enough weeks out, not a tourist attraction, within the Country, no fancy hotel, etc. I'm a light eater, therefore, not much of a meal budget. Yes, it's affordable. No CC debt, especially under mine, great Credit Report -except that lousy 62.00 that isn't even mine for the 3rd stinking time in 2 yrs that I'm fight this time with a Civil suit (grrrrrrrrr). Anyway, I've thought it all out clearly.
In the meantime, my Son called to tell me some great news and how he was off to buy a new tie and shirt (he never buys anything for himself!!!) because he has an interview this coming next week. He is working full time and has all along but seriously needs and wants this job he has been applying for. I know they need some extra help with everything so yesterday after therapy I just send the money from my "scream and breathe" ticket to fly to him. I love my Son more than myself.
As I was I taking it out to mail it there was an Over Niter envelope just siting on my step, ugh, this is NEVER good, and in my old old name. I just knew it was crappy news from more bottom feeders after me because I have
seriously pissed some fool off! I mail the letter with love and return to face it. In it is what looks an official (who can tell these days) notification that my best friend that died in 2001 has benefits that they have held onto that need to "distributed" to me before they must be sent to the National Unclaimed Funds Department. Yeah yeah, I'm thinking. It's not much and it's not the money but more how cruel can somebody be as to use the name of a person I love so much that died so tragically like this??? What kind of scum am I dealing with now? So I check their 'customer service number' online after looking up another company with what I think is the real company name and the numbers match! I call and ask straight away for the manager, just bypassing anyone that I don't think would get paid enough to take even an ounce of my indignity and rage. Not fair, you know?
The manager, or whoever she really was, gets on the line and I give her the reference number and explain that the person they are suggesting has benefits for me is dead and has been for over 10 years, on top of that the name this form letter was sent to is no longer in a legal name blah blah you get the idea. I never raised my voice but I was crystal clear that I was not to receive this or any other contact from their company or company affiliation despite the circumstance. I wanted nothing else, my friend had his attorney's send me his personal belongs in 2001 and his family raked over the rest of his belongings like so much after years of no contact and the rest, then came followed again, so I was quite sure that if anything was left they took it. Then made sure she was aware our conversation was being recorded on my ended and then confirmed it was as well on her end hers. Blah blah blah.
She managed to get I do understand _______ and the check for the amount of ____ will coming from ________ you will need to be sure that State and Federal Taxes are taken out as our company has not done that but we will supply the form. Our company will not be contacting you further per the Fair Trade Act..... I mumbled something incoherent and hung up.
Then it hits me, I realized the call was legitimate. My friend had sent me a hug when I needed it most, 10 yrs later. I have been past the guilt, the tears, and have been to the point sweet memories :) How this would have brought him to belly-aching laughter!! Over a couple of bucks--HA!! Don't trust anyone is my motto but there it is we trusted each other and he could always find me no matter where I was.
Thank you all for the insights and suggestions. It helps tremendously. I agree Anthony about the therapy and where it can come, hence my coming to this section. I come here with serious intent and come away with great questions to explore.
Rain
