Working really hard to learn to be more verbal when triggered, or when really emotional in whatever form, as well. I wish I knew the right way to do this or whether or not it was possible, but somehow, it seems that if I just try to say something, even if it doesn't make sense or come out the way I want it to, it can slowly unclog the blockage between my brain and my mouth and once you've started, it tends to get a little easier, assuming the context and listener are safe and appropriate of course.
Frighteningly, sometimes I find myself just saying "I can't..." over and over, and not even really knowing what I'm talking about. It's scary, like having regressed to some primitive childlike state where my vocabulary is limited to a few plaintive cries for help and nothing much else.
Oddly, sometimes lately, it's the simple, seemingly so simplistic little things that I wish I could say, things like "I'm just so scared", or "it just hurt so much." That sounds silly I suppose, and the smallest things should perhaps be the easiest to say, but somehow I can't. My favourite defence mechanism, the clinical intellectual evaluator, kicks in and can eventually reel off some deeply detailed and analytical appraisal of my situation, which can last for minutes, and all without a single emotive word or a single simple confession of feeling.
Even more ironically, or sadly, or however else you look at it, when I think about the two people I routinely discuss this stuff with, ie, T and my psychiatrist, each of them seems to have been assigned their own individual extreme response. T gets the monosylabic child, and my psychiatrist gets the passionless analyst.
Guess that says a lot about me doesn't it...
Maddog
