Anger and gender


This is no small part of why I enlisted in the Marine Corps. People dealt with anger in ways that resonated, and (amongst many many other reasons) I finally got to be “myself”.

I moved through sooooooo many f*cking different cultures as a kid that there was no “normal” there was just adapting -as quick as possible- to whatever local norms were. Following expectations, even if I didn’t understand or agree with them. (Until I hit my teenage years and was like ‘f*ck all’y’all” and shortly after enlisted). But even in mad-adapt-mode? I never got the vicious sly cruelty expected of girls/women in the west whilst wearing a smile. Tried it out a few times, just as I tried everything else out, and just felt über-gross. Nope. Not me. Not gonna do it. I will buy you a beer after knocking you flat, I will NOT do the whole “men fight battles, women fight wars” thing. Not gonna. Even if I am past master at not letting anyone SEE me get mad. Until it’s too late. Which is part of why I looooooove the following song. Even if I disagree with the “softer generation” bit (AND it’s not how I “do” anger). It’s not softer. It’s a different kind of strength to never let your enemies know how much they’ve hurt you. But I’ve been on both sides of this particular divide (amongst others) and so the song always cracks me the hell up. (Run & hide your crazy, and start acting like a lady! ‘Cause I raised you better! Gotta keep it together, even when you fall apart.”) 🤣

As girls, we are not taught to acknowledge or manage our anger so much as to fear, ignore, hide, and transform it.
I wonder if this is the whole link-to-fear thing, so many people go on and on about. Which is total bullshit, as far as I’m concerned, as it’s not how I experience anger. CAN I get angry as an evolution of fear? Sure. But it’s not only not required, but freaking rare.

Case in point? I was 8 or 9 the first time I took a baseball bat to an adult. Her dad beat up my friend. Which offended my sense of right & wrong. Which evolved into anger. Which evolved into violence. Which evolved into a sense of justice. You do NOT hurt my friends. You hurt her? I’ll hurt you right back. Why the bat? Dude had 200 pounds and a couple feet on me. The bat just evened up the odds. Playground fight? Someone my own size? We were already square. Did fear enter into it, at all? Not in the lead up. Only later as I dealt with stupid-adults. And that was more of an evolution of confusion, heartbreak, fear, determination. Which lead me to leaving stupid-adults out of it. Anyone who would stand by and do nothing when a kid was being hurt, or thought I should, was f*cking stupid. So if I was going to involve adults in my business I did so carefully. Unless events were such it was worth the risk. // IE I had no control on which adults were going to be eyeballs deep in my business.

Very much THIS
Different countries, regions — even neighboring communities in the same state — have been shown to have anger profiles, exhibiting different patterns of behavior and social dynamics. So, for example, in some cultures anger is a way to vent frustration, but in others it is more for exerting authority. In the United States, anger in white men is often portrayed as justifiable and patriotic, but in black men as criminality, and in black women as threat. In the Western world, anger in women has been widely associated with “madness.”
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Sure. But it’s not only not required, but freaking rare.

Pretty much same here.

Case in point? I was 8 or 9 the first time I took a baseball bat to an adult.

You’ve got me beat. I was 11 and I was angry as h3ll watching my random visiting Dad punch my Momster but again until she fell (a crippled no less). I didn’t need a bat... I knew the arts by then. I didn’t feel fear of my past abuser... I felt rage while I blocked his aim and tossed him out the door.

Perhaps our base line fear stemmed for the ones we were protecting?

Full respect to your path, service and offer.