Angry and Crying

[whiteraven]

I'm pretty sure someone else in this same position would be managing it better.

I had a pretty good day. And then I was sitting in my living room not bothering a soul, and I heard someone on one of the upper decks outside yelling. They were yelling my name, angry because I had complained about the dog barking (I didn't, and I NEVER would), and called me a f*cking b*tch. I normally would not go out if there is going to be a confrontation, because I suck at those. But animals are the only beings important to me in this world, and I was not going to let that go.

So I went out, asked him what he was going on about, and he proceeded to holler at me. This went on for quite some time--us shouting back and forth--and I was surprised the cops didn't show up. But here's the thing. This is not me AT ALL. I don't confront anyone about anything. But he made me so mad.

Turns out he had been drinking, and at first wouldn't tell me who told him that, then said it was 3 other people in the building, then when I asked one of them who happened to be outside too, he said it wasn't her.

He ended up apologizing profusely and told me he loved me (eeewwwww)--I know he was drunk, but it just is not helping. After I went inside in tears and was trying to pull myself together, he came to my *door.* Oh gods, I hate when people come to my door unannounced. Wanted to apologize again, wanted to hug me, wanted us to just be good neighbors. Told me (again) all the wonderful ways he's been a great one (neglected to mention he may have slipped when he called me a f*cking b*tch).

And now I don't feel safe. I cried for a couple of hours, closed all the windows and blinds, and...I just don't feel safe.

I don't think that's reasonable (although he's a regular drinker and some of what he said *someone* in this building had to tell him), but I don't know how to shake it.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I get it, I hate conflict. And I used to be a litigator, what was I thinking? Anyway, I am always careful to avoid conflict but sometimes I can’t. Sometimes, like what happened to you, conflict comes to me. Sometimes I handle it well and sometimes I don’t when I don’t I hate myself. I am getting better, a lot better but the fear of conflict is still there. It isn’t really a fear of conflict it is a fear of me not handling it well.

If I were you I would have a talk with the landlord. Once he/she/it knows about a safety issue it can’t be ignored without liability for future incidents.

 

[anthony]

I'm pretty sure someone else in this same position would be managing it better.

Hmmmm... not sure about that. PTSD or not, someone drunk in your building, yelling at you, arguing with you for really no sound reason, then telling you they love you. YUK! Sounds creepy to me. Just call the cops next time and let them sort it out with the guy.

 

[arfie]

But here's the thing. This is not me AT ALL. I don't confront anyone about anything. But he made me so mad.

i swore likewise while i was busy denying my true self and repressing all emotion which argued my coveted self-image as an easy-going girly girl. a healing peek behind that mask quickly revealed enough anger to fuel world war 3. that peek opened a crack big enough to break the dam of denial. the ensuing flood of anger was horrific. 40 odd years later i earnestly believe it was anger channeling under psychotherapy guidance which saved me from morphing into a serial killer. your neighbor might have made a handy target for the serial killer i could have been. yes, i was THAT angry. through that therapy guidance, i would have used his 80's counterpart as a channeling target rather than a midnight vigilante target. i am a military veteran. i know how to plan and carry out midnight ops. part of my military training was how to resist the urge to treat assholes like worthy opponents. meet my therapist.

anger management workshops and ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) are my primary tool sets for managing this explosive phenom. steadying support while you find what works for you.

for what it's worth
here, today, i offer up healing prayers for this kind of a-hole action. healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

 

[whiteraven]

If I were you I would have a talk with the landlord. Once he/she/it knows about a safety issue it can’t be ignored without liability for future incidents.

Thanks, @Lost in the Woods! Unfortunately, no landlord as this is a condo. He *is* a renter, though, and we are trying to change the renter policy, so *crossed fingers.*

Hmmmm... not sure about that. PTSD or not, someone drunk in your building, yelling at you, arguing with you for really no sound reason, then telling you they love you. YUK! Sounds creepy to me. Just call the cops next time and let them sort it out with the guy.

Thanks, @anthony! I'm glad it sounds creepy to someone else and not just me! Hoping there will not be a next time!

or what it's worth
here, today, i offer up healing prayers for this kind of a-hole action. healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

Aw...thanks, @arfie! I am better today. Not 100%, but definitely better.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

A condo is even better. In the US condos have Home Owners Associations which are run by a board. One of their chief responsibilities is the safety of the place, particularly the common areas. The jerk was in the common areas when he was acting out. What you described was severe emotional abuse and no one should be subjected to that or live in fear in their residence. A loose cannon wandering the complex is no something to let go, someone will get hurt. Furthermore, if the guy is an alcoholic perhaps the consequences of his conduct will encourage him to get help, after he is evicted.