Been working on another site for the past two weeks and away from where I had my accident and, so far, it's really helped not being present in that environment and seeing those buildings. It's also been beneficial not seeing some of the people I associate so closely with my accident and how I was treated afterwards.
However, I have been referred to a support worker who has met me on the site, once a week, to help me try and overcome some of this anger and anxiety which seems to invoke the flashbacks so strongly. So far I have only met her once - it was a positive session, I was able to walk round the site OK, even go into the building where I had my accident. However, on the way home and for the rest of the day, I had very strong, kind of line residual like, feelings of anxiety and felt disturbed all evening. My night was affected too, which followed through into the next morning but then when I arrived at my new place of work, it seemed to ebb away.
I was due to meet her again this morning, for the second time. I arrived on time, but she was not there. I waited and waited in the car, eventually phoned to find out where she was and no one knew where she was. It was in her and my diary, but she could not be traced. Eventually I got a call back saying she had been to a University appointment, apologised and would phone me back later that day.
I was really annoyed, but decided to try and give it a go on my own. I got out the car and walked up to the buildings. Straight away I felt so overwhelmed, everything seemed to hit me at once, strong feelings, distrubing thoughts, flashbacks of the accident all came at me in one fail swoop, like a tsunami. I was kind of knocked for six and had to get back to the car and drive off site.
The whole journey to my new place of work, I felt really upset and the feelings of anger swept through me like crazy. I turned from being pretty OK to a complete heap of a mess. As I write this now, I feel so distrubed and my head is just buzzing with horrible thoughts.
Part of me is saying just give up, the other part is saying keep on going, it will get easier. I do not want to get back to how I was a few months ago, no way. Really toen to know what's best. I am only in this new place of work for a few months before I potentially get re-deployed if I cannot make it back to my original place of work. Feel completely stressed out again by it.
