Another Bullying Event; Going To Hr. Suggestions?

[Seasounds]

Just when I thought my problems were over, (October was bad for PTSD exacerbation), another incident occurred last week. I was bullied again.

My workplace, like many, is rife with bullying. Most peole don't notice it. After talking with another staff member who reported bullying, and ironically afterwards, was bullied by staff, to the point of having her depression increase, I've become more aware of what are my best choices might be. I'd like anyone who knows about or who has reported bullying to give me advice.

Important info to consider is that although my PTSD is triggered alot, my first choice is to keep my job, since I'm in school.

Since I am not in management, and since I'm reporting someone in management, should I just lay low or report? Reesearch shows that HR and management usually side with management.

I thought about reporting, with the condition of anonimity to my manager, only to find out that she doesn't keep confidential information, confidential.

So on Monday, I can go directly to HR, to take my manager out of the middle, or I can just lay low-not follow up with official report, since I am the wiser, to office politics.

Any advice from someone with experience in this area?

 

[DMerish]

I'm a little confused: might you address bullying that occurred to your co-worker or yourself?

 

[arfie]

I have never filed a formal complaint, but I have spoken to supervisors and co-workers about it informally. Usually just amounts to just venting, but every so often solutions come of it.

The formal complaints kinda scare me. The whole phenom is too unpredictable to start with and having it in writing seems like it adds the unpredictable nature of later interpretation.

Good luck. Hope you find something that works.

 

[Abstract]

Change,

A lot depends on your company and the culture and the type of incident. Would you feel Ok sharing a bit about what happened?

How many levels of management are above her and how involved are they? In other words how accountable is she to those above generally? It sounds like you are not the only one targeted.

I really hate to say this but if staying in your job as peacefully as possible is your main priority then I suspect laying low and looking at ways of self protection may be best. It doesn't sound like you can be certain of your privacy and I have to say that in my experience companies seem to be much worse at holding a manager that is misbehaving accountable.

How much do you trust HR? How obvious would it be to the woman that it is you that did the reporting? Could you subtly get your manager to keep you at a distance from this woman instead?

Is there really no way of moving? I have to say that this has been my biggest regret with bullying. I usually fight it very politely and properly and use up all my energy to no real avail. Its best to just get away from toxic environments.

Sorry about all the questions! and sorry you are in this situation. :( It is very upsetting and also unhelpful for symptoms. I had ten years of which wasn't nice.

 

[Seasounds]

@ arfie and @ Abstract, thank you very much for your support and ideas. Since I want to keep my job for now, I'll lay low, and tell my manager I'm not following through with the formal reporting. Instead, I will ask my manager, and maybe inform HR of my request, to assign this co-worker in another area. My psychiatrist will happily back my needs, as I have an FMLA for PTSD.

@DMerish, thank you for your question; I was able to add to my post, clarifying and thereby answering your question.

 

[DMerish]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this, Change. It sucks! I've been on both ends - being bullied at work (once) and also I used to work in human resources (HR). HR departments IMO usually give attention to only the most severe forms of abuse. Their primary interest is in protecting the company. I think you're taking the right road in laying low. I wish there was more I could offer - Hugs, if you'd like it.

 

[Abstract]

The horrible thing that I found is that keeping quiet makes me really angry at myself. I feel like I have had a lifetime of keeping quiet and just can't do it anymore even when it is the wisest thing. Keep reframing it as you getting the better of the situation and look at her behaviour as what it is - a pathetic attempt to control others and boost her fragile ego through putting others down.

Really sorry you are in this. I sympathise.

 

[RussH]

Is there a manager there that you trust? First have to told the bully that his / her behavior is not acceptable? that might be the first step you need to take. If you have done that, then go to the manager you trust and tell them what is happening. Ask them if the bullying contines can you confront the bully in their presence as a witness?

If they agree and the bullying continues, then confront the bully in front of the manager. If this does not end the bullying, then you can go to HR, and you have a witness, so they will have to take action.

 

[Hashi]

I've been through all the informal and then formal procedures, in my last job.

Do you know the late Tim Field's website www.bullyonline.org? The legal information is UK specific and is all very out of date now anyway. But the general observations about bullying are perceptive and I found they validated what I was experiencing and made me feel better. (Although I have to warn - the only thing I don't like about it is at one point bullying is likened to psychological rape, and I don't agree with the comparison.)

One of the helpful - and very true - things I got from this is that you have everything stacked against you if you report to management, because management are the people who have already failed to deal with the problem. Either through negligent supervision, wilful blindness, hoping the issue would go away, or feeling too cowardly to address it.

I'm afraid I found that talking directly to the bully only made them very sly, so it became harder to produce evidence for what was happening. It itsn't like when someone is inconsiderate or has a forceful personality - with bullying there's actually malice and strategy. The bully is invested in what they are doing. Effectively, I helped them by tipping them off that I wasn't going to accept things. I would actually have been better off saying nothing and having more obvious behaviour to point to.

Sadly, I'm not surprised that your co-worker found herself bullied by staff after she reported. I've seen and experienced similar things. In a toxic organisation, people feel the need to actively take sides and most people don't want to be on the side of someone who is being targetted. Some people "defend" themselves by attacking.

As you say, HR departments are there to implement management policies and procedures. They are not there as a neutral department to mediate on behalf of staff.

Working with my therapist on transactional analysis approaches helped me get through the situation for as long as I had to, but unfortunately I agree with Abstract that the only real solution to a toxic environment is to find a way of leaving. In my case, financial pressure meant waiting until I got made redundant, but that was a long, hard wait. I think it's worth working on, even if it's a long term plan.

In the meantime, I hope you can get distance between you and this particular co-worker. Keep talking to your union rep if that's possible (I didn't have a workplace union but I joined a general union independently - by law an organisation here has to recognise your union representation), keep a brief note of everything that happens, and do everything you can to take care of yourself through this. It's such a horrible situation to be in.

 

[falling]

I am in a similar situation right now, only my issues are with coworkers. I personally cannot NOT address it. I first tried to informally resolve it between myself and the bully(coworker). That didn't work so I then took it to my boss. I then took a medical leave from work for 3 months. I've been back to work almost 2 weeks now and have just encountered more harassment just this wknd. I wasn't going to bring this up to my boss this time as it seems that just doesn't work. But then I thought-f*ck it. Sorry if I'm a little vulgar...

I am NO LONGER going to let ANYONE walk over me in any way again. So I just finished emailing my boss about the recent harassment. We will see what comes of it. It simply feels good to stand up for myself.

Please note though that I have certain things in place that without I'm not sure my actions would be the same. First off, I have a medical diagnosis and have been working with occupational health within the company I work for to account for any and all time off work due to sickness. I have never been 'written up' by management or co-workers. I am in a union that are very active in supporting it's members. I ensure I have my facts regarding each 'bully' event accurate and have proof.

If I have the balls to attend work full time in a very fast paced complex work environment then I sure as hell NOT going to be harassed while I do it.

Whatever you decide to do make sure YOU can live with it.

Good luck-report back.

 

[Abstract]

make sure YOU can live with it.

Unfortunately I am way past the point of being able to keep quiet even when it is the wisest choice and I know it. It's like all the previous years of quiet have broken something. I say unfortunately as it has already made things harder for me. The alternative is not something I can do any more though it seems.

I hope your situation is resolved and am sorry to hear this is happening to you to!

 

[RussH]

My situation is still unresolved; in part because of a family emergency. I am expecting it to be favourably resolved the first full week of January.