Another Night

[ballroommarine1]

Well, it's another one of those nights where I question why after 4 years this crap won't disappear even though I know it never will. Started with school. Started a new term, excited for my criminal law classes, and lo and behold, I get scheduled Pathology. Didn't think anything of it since my last forensics/pathology class was a cake walk, until until I opened my new book. Dead bodies, lots of em in all sorts of different scenarios... 5 weeks of this hell to begin. How do you suggest I approach the class itself and my professor? I honestly don't think I can handle 5 weeks, 4 days a week, of straight flashbacks.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Talk to your professor about the problem. He/she may understand or may not. But, their reaction is out of your control.

Be totally honest with yourself. And, if that honesty lets you know you can't handle the class right now then get out of there. Here's the thing. You made it through your deployment (we called it a tour), toughed it out, and delt with the shit because once there you had no choice.

Now you have choices that make it possible to avoid the kind of damage done to you while you were in the killing fields. Use those choices to put yourself in a better place. Could you tough it out, and make it through the course. Ya, probably. But, sometimes tough is a very bad idea.

Good luck my Sister.

SD

 

[ballroommarine1]

Well, I talked to him. Basically got shut down, so I broke down and went to the VA again in hopes they'd listen this time. Time for the happy pills. :-/

 

[Spock]

I've been very honest about what I'm getting involved in and how much. You're starting over so be clear what brings you joy & what you want to spend your time doing because you may be doing it for a long time.

 

[ballroommarine1]

Very true. Thanks Spock

 

[Kaishi]

Ballroommarine, do the pills help any?

Is there anybody like college counselor where you're at that you might go to, about how the hell navigate study life with this much life experience?

Eventually, does doing something physical do anything for you, reassuring yourself you've got the situation in check -now-?

In every case, nothing of it was your fault and it ain't on you that you're having a hard time now.

 

[ballroommarine1]

Eh. Not really helping with the nightmares. They help keep the daily anxiety off but that's about it. Still ain't sleeping worth a sh*t

 

[Friday]

How are you with bodies IRL?

I ask because I'm usually just fine, but there are certain things which will piss me off 12 different ways, and then I'm spinning out tough. There are things I can do to counteract most of those things... But if I'm caught off guard my mind will often dump me in the badlands, making connections too fast for me to keep up because I didn't have my walls up.

Is this something you're always dicey with, or is your mind filling in blanks because you were caught off guard?