MVA Anxiety about what others think about your recovery process

[Sunny333daze]

I was in a car accident about a year and a half ago. I was rear ended while at a red light and pushed into the car in front of me. They hit me at about 50 mph. immediately after the accident i thought i was alright, only complaint being a slight pain in my shoulder blade. I refused to go to hospital. the two other cars drove away with not much damage. my car took all the impact and was completely totaled. all i wanted was to go home and lay down, i was exhausted and shook up. the following day my injuries became more apparent. I had a large bruise on and around my eye and cheek, which made me realize i had hit my face on my steering wheel. I also had neck pain and very bad migraines. I ended up going back to work a couple days later only to realize i could not function and do my normal tasks like i used to. i was having anger outbursts and mental breakdowns crying. i was acting strange. A manager who has known me for many years pulled me aside and asked if i had been mentally evaluated and expressed concern as i was not acting like my usual self. I ended up going to an ENT to check out the brusing near my nose and eye and they found a substanial amount of swelling around the base of my skull and urged me to go to the ER for CT SCAN . The conclusion was i had brusing on the brain and they decided to diagnose me with a mild brain injury. more MRI's and nerve testing concluded i also had nerve damage of c5/c6 in my neck and a facial CT showed a severe deviation of the septum and fractured bridge. My whole life has changed since this day... it is hard for me to get over it. I took 6 months off work to heal my brain injury symptoms and get reconstructive nasal surgery, and when i came back obviosly with restrictions, things were different. i was no longer the star employee i was before. fellow co workers jokingly asked how my "vacation" was. upper managment ended up looking for a reason to let me go due to all of my restrictions. i feel like because i have no memory of hitting my face and the fact tthat my diagnosis on everything was so late that i almost downplay how serious things were to myself. In turn when i am asked about the accident i almost feel an embarrasment, as if the person i am speaking with will be judgmental or think "she looks fine, why is she complaining and making a big deal or making things seem worse then they are". My case hasnt even settled yet.... they are trying to fight me on giving up the full policy limit when i in fact was seriously injured with 60k in medical bills. throughout this process i had a lot of people telling me that i should be happy it wasnt worse or that i need to move past it all or that i am exhaggerating. People can not see nerve damage or feel how much i feel i have changed. i feel like a different person.... is this embarrasment and fear or judgment normal? is this stemming from my loss of memory of the accident?

 

[highwaybeauty]

I was in a car accident about a year and a half ago. I was rear ended while at a red light and pus...

Wow. What a traumatic thing to have experienced. It is difficult enough that you were in a car accident, but then the physical damage that you endured, topped with work wanting to get rid of you and co-workers thinking you were playing the whole thing up. For many people with PTSD and in my own experience, shame, guilt and fear are extremely common emotions to experience. I have found that having a therapist/counselor/psychologist to speak to about my emotions surrounding my trauma has been useful. It is fantastic that you have joined this forum as there is a lot of support, knowledge and understanding here.

HB x

 

[anthony]

it is hard for me to get over it

Rookie mistake. Stop trying to get over your trauma. You go through your trauma, not around it, and you certainly can't just dismiss it by trying to ignore / get over it.

throughout this process i had a lot of people telling me that i should be happy it wasnt worse or that i need to move past it all or that i am exhaggerating.

Anyone who has not been in a car accident where serious injury was a result, has zero experience to be commenting to you on the outcome. You can't explain the effects of trauma to someone, and have them understand it. They can understand what you're saying, but they can't experience it as you have.

These people saying such things to you, are ignorant and yet to experience these type of feelings. When it happens to them, they will change their tune.

is this embarrasment and fear or judgment normal? is this stemming from my loss of memory of the accident?

Trauma changes people, all in unique and different ways. Stigma, ignorance, denial, are all normal from people who don't understand. I've been on that side, and whilst I could empathise, I did not understand, nor could I comprehend the exact extent others with PTSD were telling me, nor could I rationalise their behaviours. When I got PTSD myself, it all fell into place with full understanding.

Loss of memory is most likely dissociation during the event, as you seemed not to remember hitting your head at all, yet remember immediately before and after the impact itself. A mild head injury at the time is unlikely to cause that, especially when no initial symptoms are present. Then the repercussions of injuries began, which you felt much later and are still dealing with. Sorry to hear you're still suffering physically... let alone still having to fight the legal aspects.

Trauma takes time to heal. You have to process it, understand it, rationalise it, piece it together and then work out what best course of action to take. Then you implement actions and behaviours to begin learning new normals again.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

People can not see nerve damage or feel how much i feel i have changed

They won't be able to. I can explain how much my past changed me (I don't remember before trauma but I know how much different I am then most). But they can't as they are not in your head or feeling it themselves. They can research it. They can understand it as much as possible but that is "book smarts" not "experience" which is required to fully 100% understand something. You have to have been through it yourself.

I crave understanding too. My family has all failed me in that aspect. Though 3 people from my past have come foward, my dad stays in full denial. And he lives with me, making that harder for me to handle. But, my therapist believes me and understands as much as a therapist can and this site understands many pieces of my trauma and though I need my family (most especially my dad), my view on it is "oh well, let them all deny it, call me a lying attention seeker. I know what happened and I am working on it all to better muself and that is all that matters!" I seek support in pieces on this site (which has been HUGE for my healing) and taking it on tiny step at a time.

it is hard for me to get over it.

As Anthony says, this is impossible. You have to face trauma head on. You go through it, not around it or denying it. You can deny it. I did for 10 years. But you go no where. You stay in one spot until that denial lifts. You must work through it, one tiny piece at a time.

My dad says this to me a lot. "Just get over it". "Just put it behind you". But it is because he has never neen traumatized. He does not understand that is impossible. I think of it like digging my way out of a collasped building. Moving one rock at a time. Maybe a dumb way to see it but that is how I visualize it.

 

[...]

They won't be able to. I can explain how much my past changed me (I don't remember before tr...

Seriously I feel so much better and open when speaking to other people who have been through similar experiences. Finding this site was a godsend. I too had family who did not understand until almost a year later. My dads words in the beginning to me was " you need to get over it already, people everywhere have problems and it's enough already" and my mom said " you need to put on your big girl pants and pick yourself up" later down the road when doctors explained things more and wrote up reports that were read by my family my moms words changed to " I started to think I was never going to get my daughter back, you are a completely different person" and my dads changed to " I wish I could take this pain from you, it hurts me to see you hurt" I lost a lot of friends due to the lack of wanting to deal with my issues at hand or not wanting to hear it or thinking I was a very negative person. I had one friend who is actually going through school to be a phycologist and she was amazing. Was there through it all and listened to me as I went through all different kinds of crazy moods. I can not thank her enough. It's been a year and a half and for the most part I have been more positive but I definately have my moments... For example yesterday my neck started hurting which in turn gave me a migraine ( I have had migraines with blackouts since I'm 12) I lost my mind. The pain triggered so much sadness and anger and by today I felt my pain level was going to make me give up. I ended up going to the doctor and getting a toradol injection ( anti inflammatory) which helped so much. It's just I start to cry and feel so mad that it was that one moment and that one careless person that caused me this pain and it is something that might never go away. I am here for anyone who needs to talk or needs reassurance and I am glad that I too found the same. Good luck with your family and hopefully they can understand one day.

 

[Sunny333daze]

i dont know why my reply posted as guest...