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Anxiety At Work

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RussH

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I was at work about five weeks ago when something happened that triggered an emotional flashback. It was, and still is, the most severe flashback I have ever experienced. Since then I find that I feel anxious when I am at work.

I think I become anxious because I am putting myself in a perceived threat enviroment. I go on a type of hyperviligence, alert, for anything that might trigger me. I know logically that work is a safe place, generally, but because of the recent trigger, in my mind it is now a threat enviroment and no longer a safe one.

My anxiety tends to build as the day goes on. I am not sure if that is because I am anticipating a trigger, and when it doesn't happen my anxiety goes up. after a while my mind will start playng "what if" scenerios, you know what if this person does this, or this person doesn't do this kind of a thing. When this happens I will start getting emotional and tearing up. (and this while working with the public.)

This is what I am wondering: Can my mind be playing these what if games as a way of relieving the tension that is building up? And if so, is there something short of medicating that I can do to relieve this anxiety?
 
I used to have many such instances when I worked in my higher-stress environments. There were times I would go through a lot of what you described. Because you are at work your options are a bit limited I would imagine, but one thing that used to help a lot was finding a bathroom, hopefully a quiet one, and then just going into a stall, and go through the relaxation techniques I've learned - breathing exercises, mostly, but one thing in particular that helped was focusing on a very simple, happy moment.

Basically, I would feel that anxiety building up almost like some sort of..mental nausea, and the hyper-awareness thing would set in - getting away is key for me at that point, even if I can just go out to my car or take a brief walk or something. Again I know while working your options are limited.

A lot of people have advised me to "quiet my mind (tm)." That...does not work for me. BUT - I can distract it with happier thoughts. That has given me some positive results.
 
This has happened to me ALLOT. I first began to recognize it in the mid to late 80s (no PTSD dx back then) when I first started getting serious about dealing with my amnesia, but here, 3 decades later, I think it started happening in grade school (60s). Even with decades of awareness and practice, it remains god-awful hard to manage.

What I believe happens inside my own skin is that the repressed events merge with the current stresses at the moment the flashback occurs. My psyche is still resistant to confronting the repressed events and even when I am ready, willing and able to sort through it, the boss is never willing to pay me for that bit of hard work.

Awareness is the best medication I have found for it. When I know I am doing it I can at least manage it to some extent. I can remind myself that the playground bullies who stuffed me in the trash can don't work in the next cubicle.
 
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