Everything here is what has been normal for me for prolonged exposure therapy. I have not had any rhyme or reason for attacks and when or why they come. It is as if I am emotionally living at the moments of the trauma as if they are happening now. I am not avoiding it like I used to. It is extremely uncomfortable.
For the first 8 weeks, I would have cycles all day long of crying, panic, feeling like something bad was going to happen. Feeling as if I was in the middle of the trauma I am covering in therapy. I had much worse nightmares and then they started happening less frequently....but they were much worse nightmares where my life was in danger. The last bad nightmare I had, I was being attacked and I was able to yell NO over and over and run away. It was upsetting, but I reminded myself that I had saved myself. Keeping a dream journal has helped me.
I take a medication that helps the nightmares some until it wears off after a few hours so I really remember my vivid nightmares or dreams during the time before I wake up. I feel afraid to go to sleep, but I do. If I was not sleeping at all, I would call my therapist and ask for suggestions. The pace of the therapy may need to be changed. I have read that this type of therapy has helped a large majority of people who can stick with it through reliving the emotionally and phsyically draining reliving of the trauma(s). Sticking with it is extremely difficult.
I believe you are very brave to write here what you are going through. I believe you are very brave for doing your homework when it is tough to concentrate. Each thing you do is adding to it. Each day you keep breathing and surviving is going somewhere. I can only share my experience. I went through all the horrible things you are talking about and after a couple of months now, I have had some times of peace that I have not experienced in years. It feels so much worse before it gets better. It hurts so much, my mind wants to stop me from doing my homework and I get sick of all the overthinking I do. Please keep writing what is happening to you and how you feel. They are feelings. It feels like you are in the middle of the trauma still. I have even felt worse than when I was in the trauma.
If you can, keep doing one thing at a time and keep getting through each frantic cycle and each grief cycle. And keep your therapist informed. I have left my therapist messages and also emailed her about my reactions and difficulties. Ask your therapist if it is OK to change your pace a little.
When I had another difficulty going on, I skipped my homework for a couple of days promising myself that I would go back to it and I did. The feelings seem unbearable. But I have been able to bear them when I look back. In the middle of them is unbelievably overwhelming and my normal reaction is to hate and fight it. But I keep going and I have seen improvement over the long haul with a longer haul to go.
