Any Ideas That Can Help Me As A Mum?

[kereena lees]

My daugher is only 11 years old is suicidal and threatens self harm.

About 10 years ago I went through a divorce beacause of a abusive husband. My oder son now 22 remembers what her dad was like but can not help as no one ever belived us. We all suffered at the hands of my ex. and a few years ago he still would not leave me alone he got visiting rights but the children did not want to see him. So we had to go throught the umteeth court hearing as I was planning to move. My children tried to tell professional's, including the police and socal services what was going on.

My younger son now 10 was being phycicaly bullied by is dad and my daugher declard that she was fondled by her dad. I was subject to abuse too, then one day, to cut the whole story short I was watching their dad on a visit where he pushed is way into my home and he was openly touching my daughter, I stoped him and put my daugher to bed. I told him to leave, but as a result I was raped at the same time. I called the police he was arrested.

As I was so upset I started at the time to self harm and I was sectioned on a police section, there was evedece that I was raped too. But as I was under going custosy with there father and contact issues, no one belived me, it caused me to go and self harm more and more to the point they had to place my children in care for 6 weeks. I was given custody of the children and alowed to move away 100s of miles away 2 years ago now.

Then at the being of May this year my daugher told the counciler and police things I new about and had been investigated but she started to act out and I took her to accident and emergency, and they kept her in for a week. My older son stayed with her in hospital over night and I was there in the day time. She is now under a child mental health team, but the police and soical services dropped the case as it was looked in to in the past and was not belived.

This is my fault I belive because I could not cope with it all and became very depressed 3 years ago, no one belived a word I said. No one belives my daughter now only me and my family and a good family friend.

Why I wonder why.

I have tryed to make amends only to have it thrown back in my face. How can I help my daughter who has now got emtional problems her self, and only I can say I belive her when she is so sad. Why.

Why does no one want to listen to us. It is no fair. It as all came up on my own CRB check that I made false aligations of rape and stuff to. This is so unfair how can I get my children heard when it is the truth, they are not false what can I do.

I am feeling low myself but will never result in self harm again and I am not mentaly ill no more what can I do? We are still writing letters to complain to the police and open cases back up.

Now when my daugher wants to talk and get help for her emtional problems it is being thrown back in her face too. Why are we not belived why.

Is it stigma or some thing eles like what you here when a mum as had mental health problems and acuses her ex of things unimaginable, then why are we not belived it as came to the point I do not care about my self, but all my childrens futures including my oldest who is at home with me now and is 22 he was locked in is bedroom weeks before I finally divorced my ex and he was only a young child him self and he was not even is dad. What is this world comeing to?

What can I do now why can I not help my child or children, do they have to wait till they are adult and grown up or will they be classed as liers themselves. Where can I go where can I turn what can I do for my children. any ideas what to do now?

I am at the end of my own tether too. But am not acting out but I do cry for my kids, I do believe them all. I have seen it and wittinessed it and seen things with my own eyes but no one belives me.

 

[ronin47]

Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who are very bitter after a divorce and/or are desperate for the upper hand in custody battles. As a result they will make false accusations at their ex-spouses, even ones as extreme as rape and molestation. This, I believe, is largely why the legal system does not respond to situations like yours with the urgency that they should.

You mentioned trying to make amends and pursuing further legal action. As painful as it may be, I would recommend putting that on the back burner for now. Your well being and the well being of your daughter are the priority here. Find a clinical psychologist for yourself and then one for your children as well. Understand that you've done nothing throughout this situation that wasn't based in good intentions. Many women like yourself have tragically faced similar situations. Maybe you can reach out to a local domestic violence prevention agency and they can connect you with support groups or something of that nature. The worst thing you can do is isolate. Put all your energy into getting help for your and your daughter's mental health. Once that's squared away, then you can think about going back to the court. Don't let that worthless excuse for a man keep any level of power over you for a moment longer. He is not worth any of your time and energy. Message me if you want to talk more.

 

[Srain]

I agree with Ronin, by the time everything came out about my father the statute of limitations had run out and I could not press charges. None of the other family members believed me and he denied it. It was frustrating and I felt so much anger.

I understand what you are saying and at this point the most important thing is that your child has YOU to believe her and know what happened. YOU validate her reality. That in itself is plenty at this point to begin the healing process for her, many abuse victims have far less than that to ever begin with. I understand you have much anger but that anger has to be put aside where both children are concerned so that you can see that they receive the help they need to begin to heal. As Ronin said, you also need to get some professional help.

It's not that your feelings aren't valid, they are, but the power that you are giving this abusive person is tearing your family up and you all must begin the healing process. Two years - it's time to move forward. Please check the places they have available. I'm so very sorry you all went through such horrible things with this monster. Nobody should have to ever experience such things, I know personally. I hope you find the right kind of help for your daughter and she begins the mending process.

peace,
Rain