Anyone Else In Denial? Avoiding Ptsd

[kristy91]

Hi Everyone,

I just want to know if anyone with PTSD goes through times where they try to convince themselves they are fine, and their making excuses for e.g. lazy, rather than PTSD. I feel like people see it as an excuse, and am finding it hard to comes to terms with this is going to be a long journey. It's like I am just waiting to get better, but want to deny I had a problem in the first place and my symptoms aren't real. Avoidance? I think I am in denial that it can still be affecting me after 9 years, and at it's worst right now. Can anyone relate?

Thanks :)

 

[Abstract]

Very, very much. I shall come back and say more later. I find myself literally almost shouting at myself that "I am fine". Round and round and round I go. :wacky: And mostly I totally believe it and can even do so straight after I have a flashback.

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have been diagnosed in 1985. I have accepted my ptsd. I know this is what ails me now. But boy did I fight it at the beginning. I have new memories coming up because my life is safer now. I wish it was not happening but I am finally having some good results and seeing the memories with the eyes of adult me not child me. I am feeling a whole lot better now as a result. So good can come out of the bad. Do not lose heart. It will get better.

 

[quaintpapercut]

I am in huge denial and its actually making things very difficult for me right now. It's almost like an internal war is waging with one side insisting that I am fine: "Buck up sweetheart its not like you lived through the holocaust" and the other deluging me with flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and physical pain just to prove a point. I'm trying to find a way to "soften" into this whole journey as its going to be a long haul but right now I would be happy with a little bit of balance.

Sorry your also feeling this way. It sucks.

 

[Shellbell]

I was in complete avoidance, denial and minimization for 20 years since my worst trauma. I fought very hard to pretend to be normal. Then it all came crashing down around me when the PTSD hit hard this year and depression set in. I nearly had a complete breakdown and was diagnosed with severe delayed onset PTSD and MDD.

It has taken me months to start accepting some of the very hard truths of my past, about my parents and the severity of my past and how I was really just faking it for 20 years. That internal war has been raging inside me and it's taking time for me to come to acceptance of who I am now and what I am facing in this healing journey.

Acceptance is very hard and painful, but necessary, as we can't heal what we don't accept.

 

[Spiderallis]

It's been one of the most difficult aspects for me, when I was going through things it was just life. Now that I'm in a position to deal with it I have to see that it wasn't healthy. It's hard to look back and say "Wow, that was some messed-up wrong stuff" when it's the only life you've known.

 

[NarcSis]

Me in a nutshell. I go in cycles, when I have a stretch of good days I'll go into denial, fall off my maintenance regimens and then Bam! I get symptomatic and upset that "the PTSD isn't gone".

4 years, you think I'd get it by now....at least we all go through it and I'm not alone in this.

 

[Abstract]

Oh dear Medic. :(:eek:

I have had two years and am not really going anywhere. The level of denial (if that is what it is - I am sure I am just lying) is stopping me getting treatment. I was wondering how long it could continue. Four years. :(:arghh;

 

[girlshawn]

When I was diagnosed with my bipolar II I told the doctor to go ... Himself, all five different doctors all five different times.
When I finally decided to accept that diagnosis my Psychologist said "I want you in therapy to deal with your COTSD". I looked at him and just cried.

Then I started screaming and yelling and calling him names. I'm fine I kept saying nothing wrong with me.

Two years after therapy I apologized. Still dont accept it but I believe it now.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Oh yes, I sometimes, often, feel like such a fake! I was so good at faking feeling okay for so long, that maybe I am just as good at faking being so ill! I think that sometimes.

 

[reallydown]

Yes...I'm ashamed to say. And, I still get into the mindset that it really wasn't that bad...Others have/had it way worse so what am I complaining about? And then, to prove that I am fine, I take on new projects or whatever and then it usually hammers me on the head - it's like ptsd saying "nice try, jackass, but I'm still here and ready to mess with you"...Then hit fits the shan....

 

[Meadowsweet]

I recognise myself in so many of these replies.